Harry Potter & The Prophecy
by AlessaBelle
Summary: After hearing the prophecy at the end of last year, 16 year old Harry Potter is trying to accept his fate, but he's struggling with it and Sirius' death. He's also having to cope with fame, trauma, the expectations of everyone in the wizarding world and something new; love. He feels more alone than ever, can he come to accept his fate and realize that he still has a family?
1. Chapter 1 - Introduction

Lily and James Potter were completely in love. They had been since they were seventeen years old, despite the fact that Lily had actually hated James with a passion before then. Many people would say that they were amazed when Lily started dating James, even more amazed when they married on October 25th 1978. A year later, Lily found out that she was pregnant. They hadn't been planning on having a child because at the tender age of nineteen they knew they were still young. There was also a war going on and Lily and James were both members of the Order of the Phoenix, a secret society created to oppose The Dark Lord and his followers who had started the war. Despite this, Lily and James decided to have the baby, they were happy and couldn't wait to complete their family. However, fate wouldn't be so kind.

Shortly before their son's birth a prophecy was made, and they had to go into hiding to protect him. They used the fidelus charm, which was encouraged by the headmaster of Hogwarts (the school of witchcraft and wizardry that Lily and James had attended when they were eleven years old,) and the creator of the Order of the Phoenix, Albus Dumbledore. Albus Dumbledore was also the greatest sorcerer of the world, and the only one The Dark Lord was afraid of. James had decided to use Sirius, his best friend and his son's Godfather as his secret keeper. Meaning as long as Sirius kept their location secret, they'd be completely unseen in their home. Dumbledore hadn't trusted Sirius though, and Sirius hadn't trusted Remus, another one of their best friends. Everyone knew their was a traitor in their midst, James decided he'd pick Peter, another one of their best friends and the weak link in their group. They would tell everyone it was Sirius, to fool The Dark Lord. Lily and James believed they were safe, they believed that their son was safe and that they would protect him. They were only right about one of those things.

Lily was a muggleborn, which meant that she was born from muggle parents. Parents that couldn't do magic. James was a pureblood, meaning his parents were a witch and a wizard who had never had muggle blood in their veins. Lily had chosen to go through pregnancy, birth and taking care of their son without magic. Within a month she had changed her mind.

When their son was two months old he would smile and laugh all the time. When he was six months old he started to babble, which everyone thought was the cutest thing. When he was nine months old he could sit by himself and even attempted to walk around. When he was a year old he said his first word, "Padfoot" which upset Lily because that was Sirius' nickname and she had been trying to get him to say mama. A month later he finally did it. When he was a year old he was also racing along on a broom "he's going to be a great Quidditch player" James would say.

By October of 1981 he could walk by himself, take off his shoes and socks, imitate activities (sometimes doing accidental magic in the process) and say five words (Padfoot, Mama, Dada, Moony, Wormtail). Besides the obviously Mama and Dada the other words were nicknames for Remus and Peter.

Lily and James were so proud of these accomplishments and they couldn't wait to watch him develop and learn more. Unfortunately, they wouldn't get the chance.

 _James had been making magic with his wand for their sons amusement. He had laughed and tried catching it with his fist. He had been wearing blue pyjamas. It had been Halloween night in 1981. Lily had entered the room._

" _I think it's time to put him to bed, it's nearly midnight," she had said._

 _James picked their son up and gave him to Lily. Only moments later the door burst open._

" _Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off!"_

 _Lily and James had escaped from him three times, but James had thrown his wand down onto the sofa and hadn't picked it up._

 _The intruder laughed, "avada Kedavra!"_

 _The light from the killing curse filled the hallway and James fell to the ground, dead._

 _Lily had ran upstairs to the nursery. She screamed and cried, holding her son in her arms as she tried to barricade the door. She had her wand in her back pocket, but hadn't drawn it when he came into the nursery, his wand raised. She put Harry gently in his crib and turned back to the intruder._

" _Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!" She begged._

" _Stand aside you silly girl, stand aside now."_

" _Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead!"_

" _This is my last warning."_

" _Not Harry! Please, have mercy. Have mercy, not Harry! Not Harry! Please, I'll do anything..."_

" _Stand aside, stand aside girl!" The intruder was sick of warning her, but he could have forced her away from the crib, but he didn't._

" _Avada Kedavra!"_

 _Lily fell to the ground beside her sons crib. Her son hadn't cried, he was standing and holding onto the bars of his crib. He looked up at his parents murderer with innocent eyes, not understanding what was happening. He didn't even understand that the man wearing the cloak was a stranger._

 _The man pointed his wand at the boys face, and suddenly the boy realized that this man was a threat to him. He started to cry, perhaps trying to alert his father, perhaps trying to wake his mother up, but his cries were useless and in vain._

" _Avada Kedavra!"_

 _Lights flashed and the house fell apart, there was a scream and suddenly the baby's life had been changed forever._

Dumbledore had gotten Hagrid, a member of the order and friend of the Potter's to get Harry from the wreckage. Sirius had come and tried to take Harry, but Dumbledore had other plans for him. Sirius accepted this and left, but little did Harry know what would happen to his Godfather would be tragic.

Dumbledore had plans to send Harry to live with his mothers sister. Lily's sister would allow Harry to live with them, but she never truly loved him or accepted him.

Lily's sister Petunia and her husband, Vernon Dursley despised anything out of the ordinary and they despised magic. The Dursley's told him that his parents died in a car crash and that his father was an unemployed drunk. The only thing Harry remembered about his parents was a flash of green light. He was never allowed to ask questions, especially ones concerning his parents, or their deaths. Harry was left with no connection to his parents, except a small, lightning shaped scar on his forehead. He used to like his scar, in fact that was the only thing he liked about his appearance, but years later he can't stand it. He wishes he could make it disappear.

When Harry was eleven years old he found out the truth about his family and his scar. His scar was from the curse that hit him, because of Lily's sacrifice it rebounded and destroyed The Dark Lord, the man that had murdered her and her husband, and tried to kill her son. Unfortunately The Dark Lord didn't die, and Harry met him at the end of his first year at Hogwarts and stopped him from returning. That year Harry also met three best friends, Hermione Granger, Ronald Weasley and Neville Longbottom. He also became the youngest Quidditch player to play for the Gryffindor team.

When Harry was twelve years old he fought a basilisk in order to save his friend, Ron's sister, Ginny Weasley. He once again had to face the man that murdered his parents, and stop him from returning. He found out that he had part of The Dark Lord's power inside of him. That was why he could talk to snakes, he had been isolated by his classmates all year because they believed he was behind the "Chamber of Secrets" reopening. The Dark Lord, Tom Riddle, renamed by himself as Lord Voldemort and known as "he-who-must-not-be-named" had been controlling Ginny all year.

When Harry was thirteen years old he found out the truth about his parents death. Sirius Black hadn't been secret keeper, Peter had been, but Sirius went to Azkaban until he escaped that year while Peter had lived as a rat. Sirius almost ended up getting the dementors kiss, but Harry and Hermione saved him. Peter started his journey to find his master, Lord Voldemort. Harry also managed to fight off a thousand dementors, saving himself and his Godfather.

When Harry was fourteen years old he was forced into the Triwizard tournament; he had to fight a dragon, mermaids and eventually, Lord Voldemort who returned to power with Peter and another man, Barty Crouch JR's help. Harry had witnessed one of his friends, Cedric Diggory get murdered by Peter.

When Harry was fifteen years old he had to endure Lord Voldemort violating his mind through their magical connection created by the curse. He also had to endure everyone in the wizarding world believing he was lying about the return of the feared dark wizard. At the end of the year, Harry went to the Department of Mysteries to save his Godfather because of a vision Lord Voldemort had sent him, but it had been a trap. He had wanted Harry to get the prophecy for him, because he wanted to know how to kill him.

" _The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches... born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies... and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not... and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives... the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies..._ "

Those were the words Harry had heard, and now he couldn't get them out of his mind. Sirius had come to save Harry and his friends, Hermione, Ron, Neville, Ginny and Luna Lovegood,. He had died during the fight, and Harry blamed himself for his Godfather's death, as well as for the injuries of his friends.

Lily and James Potter hadn't been there to witness all of their sons triumphs and suffering, they hadn't been there to comfort and protect him from all the abuse he had gone through. After the death of Sirius Harry believed he had no family, and that he was all alone. He was going to learn how wrong he was.


	2. Chapter 2 - Nightmares & Memories

**"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches... born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies... and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not... and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives... the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies..."**

 _They were at the ministry, in the death chamber of the Department of Mysteries. A jet of red light and a laugh, Sirius' laugh._

 _"Come on, you can do better than that!" He had yelled._

 _Harry saw the next jet of light hit him squarely on the chest. Laughter was still on his face, his eyes widened. Harry had let go of Neville and had jumped down the steps towards his Godfather, pulling out his wand. He watched as Sirius fell, looking over at him with fear and surprise. He fell through the Veil of Death quietly and disappeared._

 _ _She__ _had screamed happily, but Harry wasn't sure why. Sirius would just fall on his ass on the other side, right? He hadn't..._

 _"Sirius!" He heard his own screams, but they sounded so far away and he couldn't breath as he ran towards the veil intending to pull Sirius back out._

 _He felt someone grab him around his chest, stopping him._

 _"There's nothing you can do Harry-" Remus had said._

 _"Get him, save him, he has only just gone through!" Harry had yelled._

 _"It's too late Harry."_

 _"We can still reach him," Harry felt Remus' arms around him, refusing to let him go help Sirius._

 _"There's nothing you can do Harry," Remus tried not to break down himself, "nothing, he's gone."_

 _"He hasn't gone!" Harry screamed._

 _Harry hadn't believed it, couldn't believe it and he remembered fighting against Remus because he hadn't known what the veil actually did just that he had heard people behind it earlier in the fight._

 _He screamed Sirius' name over and over, calling him to return to him._

 _"He can't come back Harry, he can't come back because he's d-"_

 _"HE-IS-NOT-DEAD!" Harry continued screaming his name._

 _Harry heard the spells around him, but didn't care about anything. Anything, but getting Sirius back, but it occurred to him that Sirius would have already returned with the way he was yelling. Sirius wouldn't leave him screaming like this. Sirius had always been there when he needed him, no matter the stakes._

 _'No! He can't be gone,' Harry thought, ' he can't have left me alone...'_

He remembered all of it; the flash of red light, Sirius' voice and laughter, his face as his laughter slowly died, his body falling through the Veil, Bellatrix' scream of delight, how he couldn't breath, Remus grabbing him and pulling him back, his own screaming and crying, the meaningless curses around him, and the pain. The pain of realizing that he had lost the closest thing to a parent he had ever had, the pain of realizing that he had lost the only family he had left.

Harry had chased after Bellatrix, Sirius' cousin and the one that had murdered him. Harry had tried to use the Cruciatus curse, but he hadn't been able to do it completely because his anger was righteous. He had to actually want to hurt her, he had to enjoy it, but he couldn't because he wasn't like her. He wasn't a monster like her and Voldemort.

Voldemort had come to the ministry and had possessed Harry, but despite Sirius' death Harry had fought back and had won because he knew that Voldemort was wrong about love. Love didn't make him weak or vulnerable, it made him strong because he had his friends who had followed him and had saved him.

While Voldemort fed him memories of pain Harry remembered memories of joy. Blurry memories of his parents voices, and Sirius' laughter, the day he had met Ron and Hermione, when he had seen Sirius in the stands, the celebrations at the end of first and second year, seeing Hermione after she had been petrified in second year. The day he and Ron had saved her from the troll which made them friends for life. The Quidditch World Cup before it went all crazy; he had laughed and played with the others, he had thought Hermione had looked so pretty that day and he found himself holding her hand during the game, the way he had held her hand during the full moon the night he had met Sirius. They had held hands as they ran around the forest terrified out of their minds, but feeling safe together, he had stood in between her and a werewolf that night because he cared about her so much.

He remembered memories of this year too; kissing Cho, Dumbledore's Army and when his classmates started believing in him again and he had begun to believe that maybe everything would be okay, until Dumbledore was almost arrested. Voldemort tried reminding him about all the terrible things that had happened this year; getting attacked by a dementor, being almost expelled for protecting himself, being called a liar, being abused by Umbridge, being ignored by Dumbledore, Cho getting mad about his relationship with Hermione and then betraying him... Hermione... spending the rest of that Valentine's Day with Hermione was wonderful despite what they had done. Being with Hermione was always wonderful, he remembered when she had hugged him before the first and third task, and after the second, he remembered how beautiful she had looked during the Yule Ball...

Despite all of the memories that Voldemort was forcing Harry to remember, even the one's of just a few moments ago, Harry was stronger than him. Stronger because he knew what friendship and love was and the people that loved him were there for him.

The pain that Voldemort put him through that night was excruciating. He had even wanted Dumbledore to follow Voldemort's instructions and kill him, but he had broken free of the pain and the connection between himself and Voldemort because he had a power Voldemort couldn't understand; love.

Harry Potter woke up with a start; he screamed aloud, but stopped himself quickly to avoid his Aunt and Uncle and cousin from hearing him. He covered his mouth with his hands and bit down hard, trying to stop the tears that were threatening to fall. His bed was covered in his own sweat from his thrashing around. He had had another nightmare, but unlike his nightmares from last year these were all from his own mind. These were memories, he had had the same nightmare every night for the last three weeks since that dreadful night.

After fighting off the tears Harry stood up and quietly tiptoed to the bathroom. He splashed water on his face, looking at his face in the mirror. He ran his fingers through his messy black hair before reaching down to take off his soaked shirt. Putting it in the hamper of clothing that he had to wash tomorrow he went back to his room and pulled on some sweatpants and a clean t-shirt. Then he quietly went downstairs, got a bottle of water from the fridge and left the house.

Harry ran for quite a while, not even noticing the auror that was following him and struggling to keep up with the teenagers sprint. After Harry couldn't run anymore he stopped, poured some water on his head, bent down with his hands on his knees and breathed deeply trying to regain his breath. He felt like he hadn't gotten a chance to really breath since Sirius' death.

'As if you deserve to,' a nasty voice in his head said.

Harry shook his head, the voice wasn't that of Voldemort's, but a voice from his traumatized mind. He pushed it away, the way he always had and turned around jogging slowly home.

"Where were you?" Asked his Aunt Petunia as soon as he walked in the door.

"I went out for a run," was his short reply.

"I don't believe you, you haven't been home every morning since you got back from that freak school," his Aunt shrilled, "you're hiding something from me and I demand to know what it is! No freaky things will be going on under my roof!"

Harry rolled his eyes and turned around, he had put his bottle of water back in the fridge and had been heading back down the hallway to his room.

"Why don't you tell me what it is so I can go back to sleep? I didn't get any sleep last night."

"What about Vernon and Dudley's breakfast?!"

"You have two hands, make it yourself."

"Why you lazy, ungrateful little brat-!"

"What's going on? What are you doing now Potter?" Harry's Uncle had just thumped his way downstairs.

"Nothing, I just told my dear Aunt that I believe she can make her husband and son breakfast herself," Harry replied with a fake polite tone and smile, "after all, she had been doing it all year while I was at school."

Vernon's face went red with anger and he advanced on Harry, grabbing the collar of his shirt, but Harry only glared at his oversized Uncle, "do you think what you're about to do would be wise?"

"Are you threatening me?!" His Uncle roared in his face.

"No, I'm just stating that Moody may consider it maltreatment, and you remember what he said, don't you?"

Moody, Arthur, Tonks and Remus had had a few words with Harry's Aunt and Uncle at the end of the year about how he was treated at their place. They had told them that if they found out Harry was mistreated in anyway that they would have them, especially Moody to answer to.

"Do you really want to have to answer to Moody?" Harry asked innocently.

Vernon let go of his shirt and Harry smiled, "I didn't think so."

Harry pushed past his Uncle and ran upstairs to his room, slamming the door angrily behind him before collapsing on his bed. If he had to spend the rest of the Summer here he felt like he was at a high risk of hurting himself, like he hadn't already thought about it...

He laid on his bed and fell asleep for a few hours. When he woke up he found that he was still exhausted and felt more alone and depressed than ever. He had no idea how many people cared about him and wanted to help him, but he'd soon find out.

That evening there had been an Order meeting at Grimmauld Place; Albus Dumbledore sat at the head of the table and he was the one that had spoken first.

"We're here to listen to the progress of getting more members for the Order, and of course, any news about Voldemort's actions since last month-" almost everyone at the table flinched, "but first and more importantly, I'd like to know how Harry's doing."

Albus turned to three members of the Order, two of which were aurors; Tonks and Moody. The third was Mundungus Fletcher, a shady man who was only a part of the Order because he was loyal to Dumbledore.

"You three have been on guard duty this week, what has the boy been doing around Little Whinging?"

"Actually, Harry hasn't been leaving his home at all," Tonks said with an anxious tone, "he only leaves to go on long runs in the mornings, and then he goes back into the house for the rest of the day. I don't even think he leaves his room, apart from leaving for his morning run."

Albus nodded, and sounded very concerned when he asked, "have none of you spoken to him?"

"No, he doesn't even look at us when he leaves the house for his runs," Tonks answered, "it's like he doesn't even noticed we're there, like he's so immersed in his own thoughts to notice anything around him-"

She trailed off as she saw everyone get more anxious and concerned for the young man.

"I understand, I'm afraid that Harry may be bottling up his feelings and may be trying to become reclusive as to not have to deal with those feelings. He has been through a lot as you all know, not only last month, but over the last several years. I'm afraid that I never truly got Harry the help he obviously needed to cope with all the trauma he has been through."

Albus took a breath before continuing, "it was my fault that Harry fell into such a depression during the events of last year. He blamed himself for Cedric Diggory's death and for the return of Voldemort."

Molly cut in, "he can't possibly believe it's his fault! He didn't do a damn thing wrong!"

Everybody looked at the mother of seven with surprise, "he can't blame himself! He mustn't!"

Albus nodded, "I know he didn't do anything wrong Molly, but Harry blames himself immensely, especially since last month."

"He blames himself for what happened to Sirius?" Molly asked.

"Yes, he blames himself a great deal for what happened at the ministry, especially Sirius' death. You all need to understand something-" Albus paused, trying to find the words as everyone sat up straight and leaned in to catch every word.

"Harry's greatest strength is that he feels pain, I know that may sound strange, but listen. He has a habit of shutting down and shutting people out because he feels everything so deeply. He feels pain, love, compassion and happiness… he has the courage to feel everything, but last year that courage got put out. It was my fault, I'm ashamed to admit. I ignored him, isolated him more than he was already being isolated because I was trying to protect him, but I only hurt him more. Throughout his years he has shown bravery beyond any of us here today, even Moody and myself. He has fought battles that even grown men would have folded in the face of, but he has never faltered. Never once has he been seduced by the dark side, his heart is still as pure as it was when he was eleven years old and walked through the Hogwarts doors the first time. Last year, Voldemort tormented Harry through a connection in their minds, violating him all year, playing on his emotions and trauma and tried to turn Harry into someone he isn't, him. At the ministry Voldemort got so desperate that he tried to possess Harry-"

Everyone at the table was shocked, even Moody because none of them knew what happened after Harry ran after Bellatrix and Voldemort showed up.

Albus continued, "only he couldn't because Harry is so filled with love that an unloving heart like Voldemort's can't hope to destroy a heart like Harry's."

Arthur was shaken, "he tried to possess Harry?"

Molly felt like crying for the boy that she loved like a son.

"Yes, but as I said he was unsuccessful because Harry's stronger than him," Albus smiled, "mind, heart and soul. Now Harry's suffering, trying to cope with everything he has been through, but he believes he has to do it alone. We must shown him that he's not alone, that losing Sirius and everything else that has happened to him isn't his fault and that we're here for him."

Every Order member, even the one's who didn't know the boy personally nodded eagerly.

This was Harry Potter; The Boy Who Lived, The Chosen One, the boy who risked his life to stop The Dark Lord from returning when he was only eleven years old, the boy who ran into The Chamber of Secrets to save his best friend's sister, the boy who saved is Godfather from thousands of dementors and fought The Dark Lord in the flesh again at only fourteen years old. He had tried to save Sirius and had come of the Battle at the Department of Mysteries, at least physically unscathed.

The boy was a hero whether he knew it or not, and every Order member was willing to put down their lives for him. Each Order member wanted to help this incredible young man come back to himself.

Harry couldn't be more wrong about being alone. He wasn't; He was loved.


	3. Chapter 3 - Anger, Guilt & Meetings

" _ _I know how you're feeling Harry," Albus had said quietly.__

" _ _No, you don't," Harry's voice was full of anger.__

 _ _After a rude remark from Phineas Nigellus Black, Albus had continued.__

" _ _There's no shame in what you're feeling Harry. On the contrary, the fact that you can feel pain like this is your greatest strength."__

 _ _Harry's voice shook with anger as he replied, "my greatest strength is it? You haven't got a clue, you don't know."__

" _ _What don't I know?" Albus had asked.__

 _ _Harry, who had had his back to his headmaster turned around angrily, "I don't want to talk about how I feel, alright?!"__

" _ _Harry suffering like this proves you're still a man! This pain is part of being human-"__

" _ _THEN-I-DON'T-WANT-TO-BE-HUMAN!" That was when Harry grabbed one of his headmaster's belongings and threw it against the wall.__

 _ _He had scared some of the portraits on the walls, but that only made him angrier, "I DON'T CARE! I'VE HAD ENOUGH, I'VE SEEN ENOUGH, I WANT OUT, I WANT IT TO END, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE-!"__

" _ _You do care," Albus had said calmly, not upset at all that Harry was breaking his belongings, "you care so much you feel as though you'll bleed to death with the pain of it."__

" _ _I-DON'T!" Harry felt like all he wanted to do was show the old man how much pain he was feeling right now and screaming and breaking things was the only way he knew how.__

" _ _Oh yes, you do. You have now lost your Mother, your Father and the closest thing to a parent you have ever known. Of course you care."__

" _ _YOU DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL! YOU-STANDING THERE-YOU-!"__

 _ _And then he wanted to run, run away from Dumbledore and all the truth he was saying. Run away from facts, and the pain, run away from the horror in his own mind because running seemed better than facing it. He tried to open the door to leave the office, but found it locked.__

" _ _Let me out."__

" _ _No."__

 _ _Harry glared at Dumbledore while he got nothing, but a calm look and a look of something else... pity?__

" _ _Let me out," Harry repeated.__

" _ _No."__

" _ _If you don't-if you keep me in here-if you don't let me-"__

" _ _By all means, continue destroying my possessions. I daresay I have too many," the headmaster sat down at his desk.__

" _ _Let me out," Harry's voice was cold as ice, and threatening.__

" _ _Not until I've had my say," was the reply he got, but this angered him more.__

" _ _Do you-do you think I want to-do you think I give a- I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU'VE GOT TO SAY! I don't want to hear anything you've got to say!"__

" _ _You will because you're not nearly as angry with me as you ought to be. If you are to attack me as I know you're close to doing, I would like to have thoroughly earned it."__

" _ _What are you talking-?" Harry was confused.__

" _ _It's my fault that Sirius died..."__

Harry was on his bed, looking outside at the dark street seeing nothing, but the dark houses and the street lights.

The memory from three weeks ago, the morning after Sirius' death in Dumbledore's office was clear in his mind and on his conscious. He was holding a letter in his hands, a letter written by his headmaster.

 _Dear Harry,_

 _There was a meeting with the Order of the Phoenix tonight, and we discussed you. Tonks and your other guards have told me that you haven't been leaving your room except to exhaust yourself with long runs each morning. Harry, I know you're probably still very angry with me and you've got every right to be. However, I want you to know that I understand why you're bottling up your feelings and that it's not healthy. You need to talk to someone, I thought that sending you home would be best for you, but now I see that maybe that was the last thing to do. You do unfortunately need to stay there, but only for a while longer.. I'm sorry, but I need to make sure that your Mother's charm stays secure, and that means you must stay there. I will come and see yo, this Friday and at that time we'll talk about how you're doing. You can't suppress your emotions anymore Harry, I won't let you and neither will your friends. If you won't talk to me than I'll bring your friends to see you. Ms. Granger has already expressed a desire to see you. I may bring her along as she sent me a very strong letter, it seems she's almost as angry with me as you are._

Harry smiled at this before he continued to read the letter.

 _I'll see you on Friday. Please, alert your Aunt and Uncle to my arrival as I wished to talk to them as well._

 _Be safe until then, and feel free to talk to Moody, Tonks or even Fletcher._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Albus_

Harry was torn between tearing the letter up, writing back and telling him not to bother coming and part of him wanted to write to him and ask him to come talk to him sooner. He shook the latter away.

'I can't believe he has to nerve to think that I want to talk to him again,' Harry thought, 'I don't even want to talk to Hermione, I put her in so much danger...'

" _ _WE'VE GOT HIM!" The Death Eater had yelled, "IN AN OFFICE OFF-"__

" _ _Silencio!" Hermione had charmed the Death Eater so he couldn't talk.__

 _ _Another Death Eater went to push him aside to attack Hermione, "petrificus totalus!" Harry had shouted.__

" _ _Well done Ha-" The Death Eater Hermione had just silenced made a slashing movement with his wand and a purple flame passed right over her chest.__

" _ _Oh!" She was surprised before she fell to the ground, unmoving.__

" _ _HERMIONE!" Harry screamed and fell beside her.__

 _ _'No, she can't be dead.'__

 _ _Even after Neville had assured him that she was alive he still hadn't been put to ease until he had seen her himself.__

 _ _Hermione had been fine; she would recover quickly and as he sat at the end of Ron's bed, beside hers he found himself unable to look away from her as she read the latest news from the Daily Prophet.__

 _ _It was about Voldemort's return and how Harry and Dumbledore had been declared completely sane and right to the wizarding world. Something that Harry only wished he could be happy about, if Sirius had been alive he probably would be.__

 _ _Ginny was sitting at the end of Hermione's bed, and Neville and Luna were sitting in chairs in between. Ron was eating and throwing around chocolate frogs with Harry, Ginny and Neville.__

" _ _There you are Harry. I knew they'd drag you into it somehow," she had said when they mentioned "the Boy Who Lived."__

" _ _He's the Boy Who Lived again now, isn't he? Not such a deluded show off anymore, eh?" Ron mentioned in an angry tone.__

" _ _Yes, they're very complimentary about you now Harry. 'A lone voice of truth, perceived as unbalanced, yet never wavered in his story as he was forced to bear ridicule and slander," this made Hermione even angrier than Ron, "I notice how they don't mention the fact that it was them doing all the ridiculing and slandering in the prophet."__

 _ _Hermione's anger made her tense up and she flinched, putting a hand on her ribs. The curse that had been used on her would've been even stronger if he hadn't had a silencing charm on him, but it still had been strong enough to mean that she'd have to take ten different types of potions a day.__

 _ _Harry felt incredibly guilty about this, and he couldn't stand watching her in pain, but Hermione had felt the exact same way about him…__

Hermione was sitting at the vanity in her bedroom, brushing her hair. It was Friday and it was almost eleven o'clock at night, and she found herself anxious for the arrival of the headmaster. She brushed her hair up into a ponytail and went to find something to throw on, all the while her mind was still on Harry.

All of last year she had watched as Harry had blamed himself for Cedric's death and the return of Voldemort. She had watched as he had fallen into a depression because of everything that had happened and everything that he had gone through. She had heard his anger during his outburst, but she had known that he wasn't angry at her. She had watched his pain and suffering and had hated herself for not being able to do more to help him.

'I won't let him shut me out again,' she thought.

Harry had shut everyone out because he didn't know how to deal with his pain and trauma. Hermione had realized that throughout the years Harry had never truly gotten help for everything he had been through. Everyone assumed he was so brave that he didn't need anyone to talk to because after all, Harry had always had this air of strength about him. Hermione knew that Harry also kept a shield around himself, around his heart and soul because of all the pain he had endured. He had been only a child and hadn't learned how to cope, but Hermione was intent on helping him even though she didn't really know how.

'I'll be there for him, I'll get him to talk to me instead of shutting down.'

Harry hadn't had anybody to be there for him when he was a child because beside his friends Harry had no family. Sirius was the first person Harry ever saw as family, he had never realized that his friends were there for him too. Now that Sirius was gone, Hermione was more scared for him than ever.

"Hermione dear, the headmaster is here!" Hermione heard her Mother call from downstairs.

She grabbed her wand from her vanity and ran down the stairs wearing a white t-shirt and blue jeans, and a jean jacket that she would grab from the door, which was behind Dumbledore.

"Hello Ms. Granger, you look well," the headmaster had greeted.

Hermione couldn't help the cold stare she gave him. She blamed Dumbledore for never helping Harry, he had known everything that Harry had gone through and she knew that his behaviour last year hadn't helped Harry at all. She felt like it was his responsibility as headmaster and as the person who had the most control over Harry's life, to make sure he got help when he needed it and __not__ to ignore him.

"Hello Professor Dumbledore," Hermione had gotten to the bottom of the stairs and had reached around her headmaster slowly, "excuse me."

Albus moved out of the way to let her get her jacket, "well, we'll be off then."

He nodded at Hermione's Mother, "it was very nice to meet you at last, Mrs. Granger."

"You as well, Hermione has told me so much about you."

Hermione rolled her eyes, "Mom we've got to go see Harry-"

"Oh yes! Here, give these to him dear" Mrs. Granger reached out with a sandwich bag of cookies, "and tell him I'm sorry for what happened to his Godfather, I hope he feels better."

"Yeah, I will," Hermione smiled and gave her Mother a hug, "thanks Mom."

And with that they left, Hermione didn't say a word to the headmaster as he reached his arm out for her to grab. She got herself prepared as he apparated them to Privet Drive.

Harry had been lying atop his roof looking up at the stars, he enjoyed stargazing even more since Sirius' death. Looking at the dog star, the brightest star in the sky and Sirius' namesake made him feel closer to him. He had heard the sound of apparition and sat up bolt right. He hadn't completely believed that the letter was from Dumbledore as he was always expecting a trap.

The street lamps went out and Harry got up grabbing his wand, then a bright light came and he saw Dumbledore holding his wand out staring at him with surprise.

"My dear boy, why are you on the roof?" Albus asked him, his tone full of curiosity.

Harry wasn't paying any attention to Dumbledore though, "Hermione!" He smiled the first real smile since Sirius' death when he saw her standing beside their headmaster.

Harry climbed carefully down the side of the house, using vines that crawled up to the roof. He hadn't even turned before he felt her fling herself into his arms.

"Harry! I'm so happy to finally see you, I've been so worried!"

Harry smiled and wrapped his arms around her, "I've been feeling the exact same way," he tightened his hold on her for a moment before Dumbledore spoke.

"I'm happy for the wonderful reunion, but it would be safer to go continue this inside."

"You're right," Harry nodded and let go of Hermione, but she only grabbed his hand gently as he led her towards the door.

Albus had already rung the doorbell and Vernon wrenched open the door, "what are you doing here?!"

Harry suppressed a laugh as he hadn't warned his Aunt and Uncle about Dumbledore's arrival.

"Mr. Dursley what a pleasant thing it is to finally meet you," Albus held out his hand, "I'm Albus Dumbledore, Harry's headmaster. I'm assuming by the look on your face that Harry didn't mention I was coming, but how about you welcome me into your home anyway?"

Vernon looked at Harry who was standing behind Dumbledore, still holding Hermione's hand. Vernon looked like he wanted to strangle Harry, and Harry almost wished he would try. It would be awesome to see what Dumbledore would do when faced with the obvious abuse Harry had had to endure since infancy.

Albus didn't wait for an answer, but walked in the house. Vernon moved out of the way, still fuming as Harry and Hermione followed behind Dumbledore.

"You must be Harry's Aunt!" Albus boomed when he saw the kitchen door open and Petunia stepped through about to ask what all the commotion was, "Albus Dumbledore."

Petunia shook his hand fearfully, "Aunt Petunia, shouldn't you welcome Professor Dumbledore into our house?"

Harry gave her a smile and she returned it with a glare, "now listen here boy-" Vernon started.

"No, Mr. Dursley, you listen," Albus said, "I came here to talk to Harry about the terrible times he has been having, not only over the last year, but the last few and it has come to my attention that Harry's hard times may have been going on longer than I even knew. I would like to sit down and talk to you and your wife about that too, if you don't mind."

Albus finished the sentence on a polite note, but it was obvious that he wasn't leaving any room for debate.

Harry smiled and walked past his headmaster, "the sitting room's this way Professor."

"Thank you Harry," Albus followed Harry as he led him to the next room, "it's obvious you didn't get your hospitality from your Aunt and Uncle."

Albus smiled as he made this comment and Harry couldn't help laughing, "no, I didn't."

Albus sat down in the armchair closest to the fire and Harry's relatives walked slowly into the room. Dudley had been sitting on the sofa and was looking at them with sheer disbelief. His parents sat down on either side of him, as if to protect their son from this strange man who was obviously a threat. They watched as Harry led Hermione over to the only remaining armchair and motioned for her to sit down.

"Thank you Harry," Hermione said, delighted and somewhat surprised with his manners.

Harry smiled and then turned to Dumbledore, "what's this about Professor? With my Aunt and Uncle I mean."

Albus looked over at Harry with pity in his old, blue eyes, "well my dear Harry, there's something important yet sad to discuss."

Harry felt anxious when he heard this, "what is it? Is everybody okay? Nobody's dead, right?"

Albus held up his hand, "everyone is okay Harry, but we need to discuss Sirius' death."

Hermione reached up and pulled Harry down so he was sitting on the armrest, she didn't let go of his arm.

"What about it?" Harry asked, almost defensively.

"Harry, I know this must be painful however Sirius' will was found. You own everything that he had; his house, his money, his possessions and even Kreacher."

"I don't want it," was Harry's sharp response, but then his Uncle interrupted.

"Wait, who's Sirius?"

Albus looked over at him with a shocked expression, as if wondering how this man didn't know his nephew's Godfather's name.

"He was Harry's Godfather, he was murdered three weeks ago," Albus answered carefully.

Petunia huffed, "probably meddling in whatever Lily was meddling in-"

"Don't talk about my Mother like that!" Harry yelled, standing up.

Petunia flinched, but Vernon stood up too, "how dare you talk to her like that?! After all we've done for you! We've raised you and fed you, put clothing on your back-"

"And abused him!" Hermione had gotten up with Harry to hold him back, but now she stood in front of him, defending him.

"Why you insolent, little freak! How dare you-?!" His Aunt had started.

"That's quite enough," Albus said, standing up himself.

Harry's Aunt sat back down in fright as the kind looking man towered over her, not looking so kind in defence of Harry.

"I asked you to treat Harry as if he were your own son and you never treated him like such. As Ms. Granger said, he has known nothing, but abuse from you. Unfortunately, until the day he turns seventeen he'll have to stay here to keep his Mother's protection active, but on his seventeenth birthday when his Mother's charm breaks plans are already being made to remove him from your house. I'm not sure yet what Harry wishes to do once he's seventeen, but whatever it is he'll be free to do it without the abuse you have subjected him to."

"What do you-?" Vernon started, but the glare Dumbledore gave him silenced him quickly.

"Now, I believe that this conversation about Sirius' will may need to be postponed until another day," Dumbledore moved past the couch as if he were leaving the room, "Harry may return tonight, but if he doesn't I'll send a letter letting you know, not that you would notice if he wasn't here-"

"Oh, they'd notice Professor," Harry piped up, "but only because nobody would be here to make them breakfast."

Albus sent him another look of pity and sighed turning back to his Aunt and Uncle, "if he does return I'll make sure he does so quietly."

And with that he motioned for the two teenagers to follow him; Hermione sent Harry's relatives a dirty look before Harry grabbed her hand and pulled her along with him.

Once they had left the house Dumbledore led Hermione and Harry down the street before turning to them.

"Wands at the ready please, if anything happens you two are given permission to protect yourselves."

"Professor, I thought you just wanted to talk to me?" Harry asked, confused as to what was happening.

"Yes, but after that rather awkward encounter I think I should bring you along to help me with a mission I'm on," Albus answered, "you'll probably do a better job than I would anyway."

Albus held out his arms for the two teenagers to grab and then apparated. Harry felt sick as soon as his feet hit the ground. Hermione did too, but she recovered quicker having already apparated before.

"A mission? For the Order?" Hermione fully intended to join the Order of the Phoenix when she turned seventeen, but she wasn't sure if Harry was ready for a fight just yet and the thought of Harry getting into another battle so soon made her anxious.

Harry, on the other hand was excited, "so what will we be doing? Fighting death eaters? Investigating an attack?"

He was following Dumbledore and Hermione on wobbly legs.

"No my dear boy, nothing that exciting," Albus turned to look at him, "I'm sorry Harry, I should have warned you. Apparating can make you very sick the first time. Are you alright?"

Harry nodded and went on, "so what will we be doing?"

"I'm going to introduce you to someone, and I need you to be your regular lively and polite self," Albus frowned a bit realizing that he hadn't seen Harry being his regular lively self since before Voldemort's return.

Hermione was thinking the same thing, but then Dumbledore went on, "it's very important that you make a great impression on this man, but I'm not worried," Albus smiled, "you always make a great first impression on everyone you meet."

Harry was confused, "who is this man Professor Dumbledore?"

 _"His name's Horace Slughorn, and he serves a very vital role in this war Harry."_

"Horace Slughorn?" Harry repeated.

"Yes, he was a teacher at Hogwarts for over fifty years," Albus answered as he led the two teenagers passed an empty inn and a few houses, "he was a potions Professor and Head of Slytherin house. I worked with him since before I became headmaster actually."

"Was he already there when you started working there Professor?" Hermione asked, full of curiosity.

"No, actually I had already worked there for over twenty years when he started working there, he retired in 1981 after the war ended."

Harry and Hermione shot each other glances, both asking the same silent question between them 'how old is he?'

Harry and Hermione smiled and tried to suppress their laughter as they wondered this between themselves.

Albus turned a corner and they followed him, passing by a telephone booth and a bus shelter.

"Professor, where are we?" Harry asked.

"The Village of Budleigh Babberton, we turn left here," Dumbledore motioned and the three of them turned.

They were walking passed houses now and Harry couldn't help, but notice how this place also seemed cold the way Little Whinging had been. It seemed like everywhere held the dementors coldness now that Voldemort had returned. Harry reached out for Hermione's hand and she knew why, Harry had always had a fear of dementors or rather, what he heard when they got too close to him. Despite knowing how to ward them off he still didn't feel like getting to close.

The church clock chimed and the teenagers realized it was midnight. They walked quietly down the road before Harry broke the silence.

"Professor, I got a letter from the ministry about how to protect yourselves against death eaters-"

"Yes, I received one too," Hermione chimed in.

"And did you find it useful?" Albus asked them.

"No," they answered.

"I figured, neither of you asked me a security question," Hermione and Harry sent each other another glance, "my favourite jam is raspberry and you should make sure to remember to ask security questions next time. Find one between yourselves and your friends Harry, you of all people should be using as much security as you can. You too Ms. Granger, forgive me for saying so, but in these troubled times your blood status and your connection to Harry put you in grave danger as well."

Hermione nodded and decided she'd talk to Harry and the rest of their friends at Hogwarts about security measures they should take to protect themselves, and most especially, Harry.

Harry on the other hand felt that deep sense of guilt returning, this didn't go unnoticed by Hermione. She hooked her arm with his and sent him a smile, which he returned, but only halfheartedly.

'I'm going to need to have a long talk with him when we get the chance,' she thought.

"Here we are," Albus said as they came up to a small house, as they approached the gate they realized something was wrong.

The front door had been burst open, and Harry quickly looked around the street, but it was deserted. He put his wand up defensively and stepped in front of Hermione in a defensive pose, Hermione had also raised her wand and was looking at Dumbledore for instruction.

"Follow me," Albus walked through the gate and up to the front door.

When they walked through the burst in door Dumbledore lit his wand and the sight shocked them; a broken clock lay at their feet, a piano was flipped over and the keys had gotten scattered on the floor, the chandelier had fallen and broken in the centre of the sitting room, the furniture was slashed up and feathers and glass were everywhere and there was blood spattered on the wall.

Harry took it upon himself to check the kitchen and dining room off of the hall, and he found they weren't anything like the sitting room.

Hermione had followed him, staying right on his heels, "that's so strange..."

"Maybe he didn't even get a chance to try to run, maybe they just killed him or decided to take him to Voldemort to torture of something."

"Ouch!" Hermione and Harry heard it coming from the sitting room where Dumbledore still was, but it didn't sound like him.

The two rushed into the sitting room and where had been sitting a chair stood an old man, who was larger and had no hair on his head. His face was full of stress and almost anger at seeing the headmaster.

After Dumbledore greeted Slughorn he asked how Dumbledore knew it was a set up.

"The dark mark wasn't over the house," Harry answered before Dumbledore got a chance, Hermione had put her wand away and had grabbed his arm.

The old man looked over at Harry and his eyes widened when he saw the scar on his forehead, then he turned to Dumbledore, "so you bring the child to try to convince me, huh? Nice try Albus, but it won't work."

Albus smiled, "alright then, I suppose we'll just leave, but may I use your restroom before we set off?"

"Second on the left, down the hall," Slughorn replied.

Once Albus had left Slughorn turned to Harry and Hermione who were now shuffling awkwardly.

"You look just like your Father, but you've got your Mothers eyes," Slughorn said.

Harry smiled politely, "yes, I've been told that a lot."

"Your Mother was one of my favorite students, she was very talented in all of her studies, but she excelled in potions."

Harry was curious about this as he was whenever his parents were mentioned. He always yearned to know more about the Mother and Father he never got to know.

"She was your favorite? That's surprising, Professor Dumbledore said you were head of Slytherin."

"Yes, I was and I always wished she would be in my house," Slughorn told him, "she'd always reply with a smart answer though, she was definitely a proud Gryffindor and muggleborn too! I couldn't believe that-"

Harry reached down and grabbed Hermione's hand, "Hermione here is muggleborn and she's the best student at our school, the brightest witch of our age is what teachers have called her."

Slughorn sent an anxious look at the two students who were now glaring at him, "I'm not against muggles or muggleborns at all! I've had many of my students be muggle born and a lot have become favorites Sirius Black, your Godfather was a favorite! I taught his brother in Slytherin, would have been nice to have both of them, but he was in Gryffindor with your parents. That was a shocker than nobody expected, I'm sure his parents were pleased."

Slughorn let out a nervous laugh before continuing, Hermione and Harry looked at each other awkwardly and Hermione gripped Harry's hand tighter in comfort. Harry wasn't liking this man at all.

"Your parents and your Godfather were part of Slug Club actually."

"Slug Club?" Harry asked.

"Yes, it's the name of a club I ran at Hogwarts," Slughorn answered, "my favorite students, and sometimes famous ones like yourself would be invited to join. Students with potential."

"So, you're a collector then? Of famous students so you can get the credit for influencing them?" Harry didn't like this man at all, but Hermione put her other hand that he wasn't holding on his shoulder.

The headmaster had wanted Harry to be charming with this man, and Hermione now knew why. He wanted Harry to allow this man to collect him, she thought that this man must be a very important person in the war in order for Dumbledore to use Harry this way.

"I like influencing students, yes and making sure they reach their potential," Slughorn answered nervously, not missing the disapproval tone of the teenager.

Harry felt Hermione's hand on his shoulder and knew what she was trying to say, "you must be a very good teacher, taking such a close position in students education."

Harry forced a smile and then continued, "why don't you want to come back to Hogwarts?"

"It'd be suicide! I've heard of all the shenanigans at that school, most involving you..."

"Yes, but Harry has always protected the school when Dumbledore's not around, and if death eaters are after you you're safer at Hogwarts then in muggle villages," Hermione said.

"Yes, I mean death eaters can't get into Hogwarts and I'm sure Dumbledore will be taking extra precautions now that the war has started again. That's why he wants you as Professor, he seems to trust you to fill the position of Defence that we're missing."

Slughorn snorted, "that's not what he wants me for dear boy besides, I don't do Defence Against the Dark Arts. The only subject I've ever taught is potions."

Hermione and Harry glanced at each other both wondering the same things, 'Snape was gone? Who would teach DADA?'

"Although, you may be right," Slughorn continued thoughtfully, "I may be safer at Hogwarts..."

Just then Dumbledore came walking back into the sitting room, "okay Harry, Ms. Granger we'll be going. I'll bring you back to your house first Ms. Granger and then take Harry back to his __relatives__."

Albus didn't sound too happy with returning Harry to the Dursleys. Hermione and Harry were eager to go.

"Goodbye," they both waved to Slughorn with their free hands before turning to leave with Dumbledore.

They had already walked through the gate when Slughorn came out and called, "I'll come back, but I want a raise! And I fully intend to bring back Slug Club!"

Harry and Hermione noticed the headmaster smirk.

"We'll see you September 1st then, Professor," Albus answered before leading the two teenagers away.

"Professor, that man's a collector of famous students, isn't he? You don't want him to collect Harry, do you?" Hermione asked.

"As a matter of fact Ms. Granger, I do. Harry, you're a talented student, smart and more powerful than you know. You're also The Chosen One and this will make you the biggest prize Slughorn has ever collected, you must allow him to collect you. It's essentially to winning this war."

"But Sir, why is he so important?" Harry asked.

"You will understand more about that when we start our one-on-one lessons together," the headmaster answered.

"One-on-one lessons with you? What will you be teaching me?"

"You'll find out more during our first meeting, which will be the first Saturday of the school year, but I'll send you a note to remind you."

Harry nodded and they continued walking out of the village with the two teenagers wondering what Harry's lessons would be about, and why this Slughorn man was so important.


	4. Chapter 4 - The Start Of A Big Change

The two teenagers grabbed a hold of their headmasters held out arms once they got far enough from the village.

They apparated to Hermione's home and Hermione let herself in using a key.

"Goodnight Ms. Granger," the headmaster said with a smile, "I hope this night has made you feel better now that you've seen Harry."

Hermione smiled, "I do feel better, but I wish we had gotten the opportunity to talk."

"Me too, it's a shame that we didn't get to talk as that's originally what I came to do, but his Aunt and Uncle were so rude and it's too late to talk now. Another day!" Albus waved goodnight and stepped off of the front steps allowing Harry room to go up.

Harry wrapped his arms around her and she did the same, "I'm so thankful that you're okay Hermione, I was so scared for you."

He pulled away so he could look into her eyes, "I'm so sorry that I put you and everyone else in danger."

"Don't be Harry, you didn't put us in danger," Hermione told him, "we knew that it could have been a trap and we chose to go anyway because we didn't want you to have to fight him again by yourself."

Hermione put her hands on either side of his face, "Harry, we love you so much and we didn't want you to get hurt, not by losing Sirius or by getting captured by death eaters."

Harry smiled and tried to blink away the tears that had risen into his eyes, "I feel so stupid though, like I should have known. I should have listened to you, by trying to save Sirius I managed to do the very thing I was trying to stop... killing him-"

"You didn't kill Sirius Harry," Hermione said firmly, "and it wasn't your fault that he died. It was Bellatrix's and hers alone. You went to save Sirius and I know how much that meant to him, and he would have been so proud of you."

Harry pulled away and walked down the steps, "I'm still not convinced, but I'm glad that you're okay. I couldn't have lost you and Sirius."

Hermione smiled sadly, tears coming up to her eyes too. She could feel Harry shutting down again, but now wasn't the time to talk and she didn't know how long she could wait.

"I'll see you soon Harry, and I'll keep telling you the truth no matter how many times you need to hear it because I love you. You're my best friend," Hermione came down the steps and gave him a quick hug before going back into her house.

"Bye Harry, bye Professor."

"Goodbye Ms. Granger," Albus waved again, but Harry was too choked up to do anything, but stare and Hermione understood this as she shut the door.

Harry started walking away from Hermione's home and Albus followed him, putting his hand on his shoulder.

"Harry-"

"I don't want to talk about my feelings, alright?" Harry repeated the same words he had said in the headmaster's office, but calmly.

"Harry, you can't push us away," Albus replied.

"I know, but I can't talk about it right now..."

Albus nodded and held out his arm, apparating them to Privet Drive.

Harry went straight up the front steps without a second glance at Dumbledore.

"Harry, I'm sorry, but you'll be here until July 30th and then you'll be going to The Burrow, which I'm sure you'll be happy with. We were going to send you to Grimmauld Place, but Molly thought you'd prefer staying with them."

Harry nodded, Molly had been right. Harry had his arms crossed over his chest as he waited for Dumbledore to say goodnight and let him go into the house.

"Your OWLS should be arriving tomorrow, or rather, today since it's after midnight."

Harry nodded again and Dumbledore understood, "I'll let you go to bed Harry, I hope that for once you have sweet dreams."

"Goodnight Professor," Harry said before walking into the house and running up to his room.

He shut his door gently and then slid down the door, breaking into tears.

Hermione's words had hit him hard, he was grateful that she was okay and that she didn't blame him, but he wasn't capable of believing that Sirius' death and the injuries of his friends weren't his fault.

His mind went through all the injuries his friends has sustained; Hermione getting attacked with that strange spell, Ron getting attacked by brains, Ginny breaking her ankle, Neville having the cruciatus curse used on him and then tarantallegra, Luna being stunned... all of the injuries seemed to be less than what could have happened and Harry was so thankful that his friends weren't hurt more by what he thought was his stupid mistake.

He leaned his head against the door and cried, he wasn't sure how long he cried, but he ended up falling asleep against the door.

When the morning came Harry got up and went on with his regular morning ritual. Running until he couldn't breath and going home to collapse on his bed for the rest of the day. He was falling into a depression and when the Order told Dumbledore that Harry's behavior hadn't changed he became increasingly worried. He hoped that returning to the Weasley's on July 30th would help.

Harry wrote down the date on his calendar, but part of him didn't want to go to the Weasley's because he didn't want to have to face Ron and Ginny. Or Mrs. And Mr. Weasley who he was sure would hate him for putting their youngest son, and youngest child and only daughter in danger.

Harry was wrong about so many things; Sirius' death being his fault, his friends getting hurt being his fault and the way his friends and Mrs. And Mr. Weasley thought about him. Harry was also wrong about the Order of the Phoenix, especially Remus hating him or thinking that he was stupid and pathetic. He didn't ever want to face Mad-Eye who he admired so much and who had been his inspiration to become an auror.

None of these people hated him though, in fact they all cared about him than he knew. However, Harry would learn how much they cared about him, and how what had happened at the ministry had only made them care about him, and admire him more.

Harry had returned to his regular routine the next day, which worried his headmaster and the rest of the Order of the Phoenix. The only thing that was different was when his OWL marks showed up, the way Albus had said they would.

When the owl arrived around lunch time with his results he sat up in his bed and rubbed his eyes for a couple moments before opening the window to let the owl in. The owl held out it's right leg and Harry untied the large envelope clumsily.

Harry quickly opened the letter and read it aloud to himself;

 _Ordinary Wizarding Level Results_

 _Pass Grades:_

 _Outstanding (O)_

 _Exceeds Exceptions (E)_

 _Acceptable (A)_

 _Fail Grades:_

 _Poor (P)_

 _Dreadful (D)_

 _Troll (T)_

 _Harry James Potter has received;_

 _Astronomy – A_

 _Care of Magical Creatures – E_

 _Charms – E_

 _Defence Against the Dark Arts – O_

 _Divination – P_

 _Herbology – E_

 _History of Magic – D_

 _Potions – E_

 _Transfiguration – E_

Harry read his results and smiled, his grades were amazing. He had gotten seven OWLs, which he knew Sirius would've been so proud of him for.

'Outstanding in DADA, Exceeds Exceptions in Care of Magical Creatures, Charms, Herbology, Transfiguration and even Potions! Acceptable in Astronomy...' Harry felt happy with his marks.

They were all he could have hoped for and more than he expected. Despite being happy and surprised at his Potions mark he also felt saddened.

'Exceeds Expectations isn't good enough for Snape...' he thought, but then he remembered about Slughorn, 'Slughorn could have different requirements for NEWT students.'

Harry laid down on his bed and hoped that was the case. He needed Potions in order to become an auror, and that was the only thing he wanted to do with his life. Maybe that sounded spoiled, but having a career as an auror had seemed like the career he was meant to have. He couldn't imagine doing anything else with his life.

'Maybe I could become the DADA teacher,' Harry wondered, because he really had enjoyed teaching the DA.

He fell back asleep thinking about his grades, whether or not his parents would also be proud of them, if he still had a chance as an auror and if not, if Dumbledore would allow him to stay at Hogwarts as the DADA teacher.

Instead of his regular nightmares he had a different dream; his parents came to him and told him he wasn't good enough. Remus and the Weasley's were upset that he hadn't managed to get an Outstanding in Potions and called him a failure. Moody told him he had never had a chance as an auror anyway because he was weak and pathetic.

" _You never stood a chance Potter, you're a good-for-nothing! Just like your Aunt and Uncle believe, just like the Daily Prophet said."_

Dumbledore had laughed at him in his dream when he had gone to talk to him about everything that had been said to him.

" _Stop your whining! Nobody cares about how you feel! You think I really ignored you last year because I was trying to protect you? Stop being so gullible, that's why Sirius died! I never cared about you, nobody does! I wouldn't let you back into my school if my life depended on it! Once you leave these walls, you're nothing boy!"_

Harry woke up with his heart racing and his shirt soaked in sweat. He got out of bed and ran down the stairs and out of the house, not even bothering to grab a bottle of water or put on a dry shirt. He ran until he couldn't run anymore and then passed out on the grass.

Harry remained passed out on the ground for a couple hours; when he awoke from another nightmare, not much different from the previous one he ran home. He knew he'd be in trouble if he didn't help his Aunt prepare dinner.

Aunt Petunia started yelling at Harry when he got into the house, and Harry stood there with his arms crossed. He was waiting for her to finish and trying not to say anything smart back to fuel her anger, but he was also thinking about his nightmares. Were they true? Was that what people thought about him?

Dudley, Harry's cousin had been taking noticed of Harry's strange behaviour and he had become worried. Despite never caring much about his younger cousin before, he had begun to see the error in his ways. Last Summer, when Harry had saved him from the dementer's kiss he had seen something that had terrified him more than the actually experience... Dudley had seen himself for the kind of person he really was. It was an terribly painful moment for him, and he was trying his best to change his ways by no longer terrorizing people. Dudley still hadn't spoken to Harry about this, hadn't spoken to him at all in fact, which Harry was completely okay with. He hadn't noticed that Dudley had changed at all because he was so immersed in himself, and had always tried to ignore his abusive cousin as much as possible.

After Harry had gone back to his room after dinner, Dudley had tried numerous time to muster up the courage to knock on his younger cousins door. This was a routine that Dudley had started up, but he had never been able to actually knock. Dudley did decide however, to do something about his cousins depression.

The next day was Sunday, and that always consisted of Harry having to wake up extra early to make a bunch of food for his Aunt and Uncle's church. Every Sunday during the Summer and other holiday breaks, the Dudley's church had a special lunch after mass. Petunia always promised to bring food, but when Harry was home she made him make it. That Sunday was no different, but Harry didn't mind because as long as he got up early and have everything done on time he wouldn't get yelled at.

When his Aunt and Uncle woke up and were dressed for mass they came downstairs and Petuinia made sure all the food was there. Instead of the typically "it's great, thank you." The only thing his Aunt had to say was "hurry up and make us breakfast so we're not late."

Harry followed orders reluctantly and quickly, thinking that the faster he could get them out of the house the sooner he could go back to bed. When Dudley came downstairs however, they found he wasn't dressed for mass.

"Dudley baby, are you okay? Are you not feeling well?" His Aunt got up and rushed over to her oversized, boxer of a son and felt his forehead.

"I'm fine Mom, I really just don't want to go to mass today," was Dudley's reply.

Harry rolled his eyes, 'great, I'm stuck with him again.'

Dudley hadn't been going to mass at all since Summer began, which struck Harry as odd because usually Dudley loved going to church. Only to meet up with his gang of friends and find new victims to beat up and torment after mass and lunch was over.

Typically when Dudley wasn't beating others up he'd turn on Harry, but the two teenagers actually hadn't had much communication. In fact, Dudley hadn't been communicating much with his parents either, and he had become more polite when he spoke to Harry, but this had gone unnoticed and unappreciated.

After Petunia and Vernon left Harry started cleaning up. He started with the dishes as was his usually, but something unusually was about to happen.

As Harry was washing the dishes he noticed Dudley come into the kitchen from the sitting room. Harry listened and watched out of the corner of his eye as Dudley walked around the counter until he was beside him. He was about to ask his cousin what he wanted, his body tense with anticipation for an upcoming attack from his typically violent cousin when Dudley grabbed the dish towel and did the unthinkable. He grabbed one of the dishes Harry had washed and started drying it for him, before putting it away. Harry stopped washing and continued keeping an eye on his cousin for a couple minutes before resuming his task, still keeping watch out of the corner of his eye. However, nothing happened as all Dudley did was dry the dishes and put them away. The two teenagers finished the dishes together in awkward silence before Harry wiped the sink and counters clean.

Dudley returned to the sitting room to watch more boxing while Harry continued his chores, noticing for the first time the strange new behaviour of his cousin.

The following week was quite the same; Harry had nightmares, got up for a run, passed out in his bed and also did all the chores.

Dudley had a routine too; listen to Harry's nightmares, wait for his cousin to get home from his run and worry about him while he's out, try and fail to talk to him, watch Harry do chores and be polite as possible and once Harry went back to bed, stand outside his door trying to muster up the courage to knock.

Harry occasionally wondered about his cousins new behaviour, but typically didn't think about it because he had so much on his mind. Dudley on the other hand, had nothing on his mind except his cousins new behaviour. Dudley knew that last year Harry had been depressed too, but not this badly and he hadn't really cared last year. After the Order of the Phoenix showed up and took Harry, which was in the middle of the Summer and four days after the dementor attack, Dudley had spent the rest of the year trying to shake the knowledge that he was a bad person. He regretted with his entire being the way he treated Harry and had sworn to make it right, but he didn't know how.

On Monday Harry found that Dudley had taken his parents out for breakfast, so he didn't need to make them breakfast. He didn't think anything of it and went up to bed. On Tuesday, Harry found that Dudley's room was clean, so he didn't need to clean it. Harry assumed his cousin was having his friend over (some muggle girl from down the street that had come over three times already though he didn't know why) and had cleaned his room because Harry wasn't going to do it in time. It was still odd because usually Dudley would just snap at him to do it first, but Harry didn't really care much and again, didn't think anything of it. He didn't even notice that no friend came over. On Wednesday, Harry found that the first floor had already been swept and the carpets were already vacuumed. This he knew was strange as Dudley probably had never vacuumed in his life, even his room the day before hadn't been vacuumed. Thursday the upstairs was vacuumed and Harry was starting to wonder if his cousin had been replaced by a death eater that didn't realize his cousin was typically abusive. This theory wasn't a serious one, but either way he didn't mind.

By Friday, Harry knew something was odd for sure because when his Aunt and Uncle hosted a dinner party he had to wait on everyone hand and foot. This was usual, but this time Dudley was being helpful instead of adding to Harry's work. He passed Harry the dishes when someone was done and when one of the guest dropped a wineglass, cleaned it up for Harry before he could get there. He even put the leftover food away for Harry while he wiped the table and vacuumed up another mess left by the same guest.

Harry was washing dishes again when Dudley came up and started drying and putting away for him.

"So... crazy party, huh?" Dudley asked awkwardly.

Harry gave him a strange look, as if his cousin had grown an extra head, "yeah, I guess."

"That Mrs. Portendorf... whatever her name is, sure was messy and klutzy... I hear she has a son that can do special things. She was talking about it and, did you see Mom's face? Do you think the kids you know, like you?"

"Like me? You mean, a freak?" Harry had turned back to the dishes and his tone was cold.

"Um, I mean special... able to do the bippity boppity boos, or whatever you call it," Dudley responded sounding even more awkward.

Harry laughed, "magic, you can call it magic."

Dudley smiled, "okay, I was going to call it witchcraft, but I didn't want to offend."

"That wouldn't be offensive, it's called the school of witchcraft and wizardry after all."

"I forgot what it's called actually, Hogwoks?"

"Hogwarts," Harry corrected, the conversation almost sounded normal, like two cousins talking.

"You'll be leaving us for good next Summer," Dudley said, his tone saddened slightly and he hoped Harry didn't pick up on it.

He didn't, "yeah, I guess so. That's what Dumbledore said."

"What protective was around the house?"

"When my Mother died she put a shield charm on me, but the shield was also put around the house when Aunt Petunia took me in."

"Why would Aunt Lily's charm thing break once you turn seventeen?" Dudley asked.

"Because the age of majority in the wizarding world in seventeen, not eighteen like for you. So, when I become a man her charm will no longer be effective. That's what I understand anyway."

"So you'll be finished school by next Summer?" Dudley thought that since Harry would be considered an adult he'd be finishing school this year.

"No, I'll have one more year left," Harry answered.

"What will you be doing after school?" Dudley was enjoying talking to his cousin, but it was about to end.

"I'll hopefully be becoming an aur-" Harry stopped and looking at his cousin, "what are we doing?"

Dudley put the dish he was holding down and looked at him, "having a conversation the way cousins do."

"Yeah, cousins that get along, but we don't get along. You hate me, so why are you doing this? These nice things and- and talking nicely."

"I don't hate you Harry," Dudley said, "I know I have always treated you like I do, but-"

"You have told me that you do! You and your parents! You've never treated me like your cousin so, why are you trying to act like one now?!"

"Because I want to make things right-"

"Right?! You want to make what right exactly?!"

"The way I treated you, what I've done to hurt you and what my parents have done, especially my Mother because she should have loved you most above all of us-"

"But she doesn't and neither do you!" Harry took the dish rag from Dudley and dried his hands, "you can't make this right! I have never had a family and now I've lost the only person that ever loved me like their own!"

Tears had come up into Harry's eyes and he couldn't believe he was allowing Dudley to see him cry like this. He wiped his eyes roughly and left the kitchen.

"Harry, wait!" Dudley followed Harry out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

"No, I'm not doing this! I'm not falling for whatever you're trying to do!" And with that Harry slammed his bedroom door in his cousins face.

"I'm not trying to do anything, but fix what I've done..." Dudley said, but not loud enough for Harry to hear.

Harry laid on his bed and let the tears fall, sobs crashing from his chest until he couldn't breath. Dudley sat against his bedroom door listening to his cousin's crying and feeling for the first time, pain for another.

July 21st 1996; It had been a month since Sirius' death, but Harry's nightmares were as fresh as ever. Two days after the awkward conversation in the kitchen, Dudley had tried repeatedly to talk to his cousin, but Harry was doing his best to avoid him. He was ashamed that he had cried in front of him, and was also confused by Dudley's words and behaviour.

Had he really changed? Harry didn't know, but he also didn't know if it mattered. The true question was whether or not he could forgive him.

Dudley listened to his cousin's nightmares like usual and he noticed that Harry wasn't waking up to make the Sunday lunch for his Mother's church. Dudley had thought about going into his cousin's room and waking him up, but then another thought came into his mind.

'Making lunches can't be that hard...' Dudley decided he'd help his cousin out by making all the lunches for him.

'Maybe that will show him that I'm really sorry.'

It was a sweet idea, but it would turn out terribly because Dudley wasn't a baker. Harry was an amazing cook because he had a lot of experience. After all, his Aunt and Uncle had treated him like a servant since he was a small child. As soon as Harry had been able to reach the stove, he had been cooking. Dudley on the other hand, had never cooked anything in his life, but he figured he could read instructions so it couldn't be that bad. However, Dudley realized just how hard cooking was when he got to work. He found a new appreciation for his cousin, as he tried to get it all done on time.

When his Mother and Father came downstairs he had told them Harry went back to bed. His Mother made a comment about the food not looking as desirable as usual, and his Father made a comment about Harry being lazy, but despite that they said nothing as they took the food and left for church. Dudley felt very proud of himself as he sat down and waited for his cousin to wake up.

Harry's nightmares and depression were starting to take a physical toll on him, as Harry woke up that Sunday morning feeling ill. He had gone back to bed not realizing that it was Sunday. It wasn't until 12:30pm when Harry heard his name being screeched that he realized the time, and the day of the week.

'Shit,' he had thought as he got out of bed.

"Boy!" He heard his Uncle yell and he groaned as he knew that he was in trouble for not making the food for his Aunt's lunch at the church.

Vernon opened Harry's door and Harry, who had been on the other side rushing to get downstairs was slammed in the wall.

"You bloody ungrateful brat!" Vernon yelled, "after everything we've done for you you insist on doing a half assed job on everything we ask you to do! We don't ask you for a lot; cooking meals, doing chores and doing the Sunday lunches, is that so much to ask?!"

Dudley had gotten upstairs as fast as he could as he had seen his Father come into the house with an angry look and had watched as he had ran upstairs and started yelling at Harry.

"Dad stop, it wasn't Harry's fault-" Dudley interrupted.

Vernon turned to his son, "what are you talking about Dudley my boy?"

"Harry didn't make the lunches, I did," Dudley answered nervously.

Harry looked at his cousin with a bewildered expression. He had thought Vernon was angry with him for not making the lunches, but now Harry understood. Dudley had made the lunches for him, and Harry assumed they weren't made very well.

"Oh, so you're bewitching my son to do your chores, huh?" Vernon turned back to Harry, "you lazy, arrogant little bastard-!"

Vernon advanced on Harry and Harry was just about to remind his Uncle of Mad eye's threat when Dudley stepped in between them.

"Dad, I made the lunches for Harry of my own free will. He didn't threaten me or curse me or anything. Harry has been having terrible nightmares, worse than usual and I wanted to allow him to sleep because he's been starting to look even more ill the last couple days."

Vernon looked at his son the same way Harry was looking at him, with bewilderment.

"Dudley, it's not your job to do Potter's chores for him. I don't care if he's sick-"

"Well you should!" Dudley raised his voice, "he's your nephew Dad! He's family, and we should care about him and take care of him! The way you and Mom have always taken care of me when I'm ill!"

"He's a freak Dudley!" Vernon argued, not liking the change in his son, "you've been acting strange after since he attacked you last Summer-!"

"He didn't attack me Dad! Mom even knows that it was those demented things!"

"That came after you because of him!"

Dudley looked at his Father calmly and in an even tone said, "I'm sorry that the baked goods were bad. I'm not a good cook like Harry is, not that you guys would notice because you've never given him any credit for anything he has done and neither have I... I'm going to change that though-"

"You have nothing to change! You haven't done anything wrong! He has!" Vernon pointed at Harry who was still standing behind Dudley, shocked.

"What has he done wrong Dad? He was born with special talents, that's not his fault. Just like it's not our fault that we're muggies or whatever his kind call us-"

"Muggles," Harry corrected, finally finding his voice as he stepped around Dudley, "Uncle Vernon, I'm sorry that I didn't wake up to make the baked goods for Aunt Petunia's lunch. I really am, but it's true what Dudley said. I'm not well, and I know you don't think that's an excuse so I'll do double the chores to make up for it."

Vernon looked at Harry and then looked at his son who was giving him a look that clearly said "drop it."

"You're doing double the chores all week boy!" He yelled before storming out of the room.

Dudley didn't say anything to Harry as he walked out of his bedroom, just gave him a look that he hoped relayed how sorry he was. He hoped that his cousin was at least a little closer to seeing that he had truly changed.

Harry sat down on his bed for a few minutes replaying the whole thing in his head. The situation seemed like such a silly, insignificant thing, but it truly wasn't. Dudley had allowed Harry to rest because he had been worried about him, genuinely worried. He had tried to make the lunches, and despite failing and getting him into trouble he had tried. Then Dudley had stepped in to defend him, not just verbally but physically. Harry had been sure that Vernon had been about to punch him, it wouldn't have been the first time, but Dudley had stopped his Father by stepping in front of him to protect him... the way Sirius had done.

Could it be true that Dudley had truly changed? Did it matter? Could Harry forgive him?

Again, Harry didn't know, but as he sat on his bed he thought;

'Maybe... yes... maybe.'

 _Thank you for reading, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I wasn't sure if_ _emphasizing_ _the change in Dudley was a good idea, but you guys seem to be liking it!_

 _Thanks for the wonderful reviews; They truly do help and keep me writing! It also lets me know that you're enjoying it so, thanks so much, and thanks for reading/following!_


	5. Chapter 5 - Illness & Concern

The rest of the day Harry spent doing chores. As soon as he was done everything he went to bed because he was feeling extremely ill.

The next day Harry felt no different, not any better or worse so he decided he'd continue with his routine of jogging and then come home to start his chores, which were doubled for the rest of the week.

Breakfast was awkward; Harry made his relatives breakfast like usual and Vernon kept giving Harry even dirtier looks, as well as looking at his son as if he were going to start dancing like a chicken at any moment. If Harry wasn't so depressed, he'd find Vernon's behaviour comical. Petunia sat silently, looking in between the two boys with a sense of... curiosity? Dudley did nothing, but eat and watch Harry. He noticed that his cousin still looked ill, as if he had a fever.

Petunia and Vernon had tried to get Dudley to go with them on errands, but he had declined multiple times. Finally, the couple left their son alone with Harry, who they seemed to believe had placed some sort of curse on him.

Harry cleaned up after breakfast quickly, and before starting the rest of his chores he decided he couldn't put it off anymore. The conversation that he had been wanting to have with Dudley since yesterday, which Dudley had seemed to be wanting to have all Summer... it was time to have it.

"Dudley," Harry said awkwardly as he came into the sitting room.

Dudley was watching boxing, but he promptly turned it off when his cousin entered the room. Dudley could tell that Harry had something to say, and he hoped that he was finally ready to hear him out.

"Hey Harry," he smiled and put the remote on the tea table, "would you like to sit with me?"

Dudley had moved over on the couch to allow Harry room, and Harry took the invitation.

"Okay so, about yesterday..." Harry started nervously once he had sat down beside his cousin.

"I was only trying to help you, I wasn't trying to make you fall for anything," Dudley said, referring to what Harry had said the night of their first conversation.

 _ _"No, I'm not doing this! I'm not falling for whatever you're trying to do!"__

Harry remembered what he had said three days before, "I'm sorry about what I said and how I acted. I was just confused, I still am confused to be honest."

"You don't have to apologize Harry, your reaction was actually better than I expected. I was kind of worried you'd turn me into a toad."

Harry laughed, "I'm actually not allowed to turn you into a toad, at least not until I'm seventeen years old, but even then I probably wouldn't have."

"Oh well, that's comforting," Dudley smiled.

They sat in awkward silence for a couple moments before Dudley broke it.

"Harry, I've been trying to muster up the courage to talk to you all Summer, but I haven't been able to and I know my new behaviour has been confusing and strange-"

"Very much so," Harry said.

"There's a reason I've been acting this way, and it's not just an act. I truly have changed and I understand if you don't believe me or if you can't forgive me, but I just am hoping that you'll give me a chance to explain."

Dudley paused as if asking Harry if he could continue, and Harry nodded. He was very interested in knowing why his cousin was acting so different.

"Last Summer, when those demented things attacked me, I felt like they were searching my soul trying to find something to torture me with and Mom explained to me later that Aunt Lily had told her that they find your darkest memories and use them to take all feelings of happiness away. The thing is, I don't have any sad memories and so I think they showed me something else... something that would hurt me just as much as a dark memory..."

"What was it?" Harry asked, honestly curious as to what they had shown him.

Harry knew that if dementors can't find a bad memory they'll show their victims their biggest fear. What did Dudley have to fear though?

"They showed me myself..." Dudley answered, he continued to explain when he saw Harry's confused expression, "they showed myself, as I am. They showed me how much of a terrible person I am; how I treat people, especially you and I hated it. I hated myself s-!"

Tears had started coming up into Dudley's eyes and he turned away from Harry, putting his head in his hands.

"I saw myself hurting people! I saw how my parents abused you and how I had become just like them, especially like Dad! It made me sick to see myself that way because I hadn't known that there was anything wrong with my actions until that point!"

Harry watched his cousin cry, unsure of what to say so he just awkwardly put his hand on his shoulder. Harry couldn't tell Dudley that it was okay because it wasn't. Everything the dementors had shown him had been true. Dudley had been a bully, but the dementors seemed to have actually changed him.

"Harry, I treated you terribly! I abused you, and I'm sorry! I know it means nothing, but I truly am sorry from the bottom of my soul. I didn't realize it was wrong to treat you that way because Mom and Dad did. I know that's not an excuse and I don't expect-."

"Dudley listen, you hurt me a lot and you're right, it's not an excuse. There's never an excuse, and as for your apology... I'm not sure if it means anything to me, or if it means nothing. However, you now know what you did was wrong, right? And you want to change, for real?"

"Yes! I know what I did was wrong and I want to change. I don't expect you to forgive me, or even talk to me again once you leave here next Summer. In fact, I don't expect you to talk to me for the rest of the Summer, but I wanted you to know that I'm sorry."

Dudley had finally looked at Harry and he had tears on his face as he spoke. Harry removed his hand from his cousins shoulder and looked away from him for a couple moments. When he looked back he saw his cousin looking at him with sincerity.

"I don't know if I can forgive you," Harry replied upon seeing his cousin's sincere expression, "I don't even know if I believe people can change because I've never seen it, but I've seen good people turn bad so, maybe it can work the other way... I think I need time to think about all this. I've had a lot on my mind and I don't know if I can handle this right now."

Dudley nodded, "I don't expect you to forgive me Harry, but I hope you can because I want the chance to make things right, and everything that you've had to deal with has been why I haven't been able to talk to you. I was worried it'd overwhelm you or that you wouldn't be able to really hear me out.

"I have heard you out, really I've listened to everything you said, and you can't make things right Dudley, you can't change the past-"

"I know, but maybe I can change the future. Instead of having you hate me and never speak to me again... maybe we could have a relationship one day? Like, even if it consisted of Christmas and birthday cards... and awkward family dinners with our kids, not knowing what to say."

Harry laughed, "maybe, maybe someday."

Dudley smiled, and Harry stood up not sure what to say or do now. He decided he'd just go start his chores. As Harry walked back into the kitchen, Dudley turned the television back on and both of the boys thought about what their future relationship could be like.

'Can I forgive Dudley for the way he treated me? Can bad people actually change?'

Harry knew that it wasn't like Dudley was a monster like a rapist, or a murderer, but he still didn't know if bad people like Dudley could change. If Dudley truly meant what he said about the dementers showing him himself, and how seeing himself made him hate himself and regret his actions, could that have actually scared him straight?

Harry had been asking himself three important questions since Dudley's new behaviour;

Had Dudley truly changed?

Did it even matter if he had changed?

Could he forgive him?

Now he had a fourth question;

Could someone like Dudley change?

It would be a question Harry would ponder for the next few months, but he would learn the answer.

Tuesday morning Harry woke up feeling even worse than the last couple days. He hadn't been eating much at all, not just because of the Dursley's not giving him a lot of food, but also because when he did have food available he found he didn't feel like eating it. Between this, his nightmares causing sleep deprivation and his depression, he had started feeling very ill.

When he woke up from yet another nightmare he wanted nothing more than to curl up and stay under his thin sheet. However, he knew that there would be Hell to pay if he slept in again so, he dragged himself out of bed and went downstairs to make everyone breakfast.

At 5"4' Harry only weighed 104 pounds, which was about twenty pounds below what he was supposed to weigh. It was normal for Harry to lose weight while he was at the Dursley's because of lack of food, but it seemed worse this Summer.

"Hurry up boy!" Vernon barked at Harry, who was leaning against the counter waiting for the food to be ready.

"It's coming," he groaned, he had a headache but for once it wasn't from his scar.

Harry felt a little dizzy and his stomach felt like it was in knots. His body was full of strange aches and all he wanted to do was lay down and rest.

When the food was ready he served his relatives and then did something he usually wouldn't dare do. He went into the sitting room and laid down on the couch until they had finished eating.

"Hey! Get up you lazy prat, and do the dishes and start your chores!" Vernon barked again once they finished.

Harry got up in a groggy way, and forced himself into the kitchen.

"Are you okay Harry?" Dudley asked, getting up and drying and putting the dishes away.

"I'm just feeling a little ill," Harry answered.

"You look like you're developing a fever," his Aunt said as she put some stuff into her purse before putting it on her shoulder, "go back to bed, I don't need you vomiting everywhere and getting us sick."

His Aunt walked out of the kitchen and her and Vernon went on their way. Harry was surprised that his Aunt didn't make him finish his chores, especially since they had been doubled because of Sunday morning. Dudley thought silently that it seemed like his Mother did at least care about her nephew a little bit, but seemed to be covering that concern with her rude tone and excuses.

'They'll probably give me triple tomorrow,' Harry thought as he slowly went up the stairs.

He got into his bed and tried his best to sleep, but he found that he was too hot one moment, and then too cold the next. He hadn't ever gotten the flu before, but that's what he thought it was. He didn't think anything more of it as he laid in bed all day, drifting in and out of nightmares about Sirius' death, Cedric's death and the numerous other traumatic memories that he had to have nightmares of.

At some point during the evening Petunia had come in and asked him if he felt well enough to make dinner. Upon getting no response she made a rude comment and left his room. After her husband went to bed, she returned with soup and bread, along with a cold cloth that she put on his forehead. Harry was too out of it to notice this however.

Wednesday morning Harry didn't wake up to make them breakfast. Vernon had wanted to go up and yell at him, but Petunia had told him that she thought he might have some "freak illness" and reminded him that they surely didn't want to get it. Dudley was sure that this was just an excuse his Mother made to prevent his Father from bothering him.

"Check on your cousin Dudley, but don't get too close to him," Petunia said before leaving the house, "I don't need you getting sick with whatever he has."

Dudley nodded and at around noon, went upstairs to check on Harry.

"Hey Harry, how are you feeling?" He asked, but Harry didn't answer.

He just laid there and groaned when Dudley tried shaking him awake, "I think you should eat something. I made you a sandwich, I figured it's simple enough that I couldn't make it terrible the way I did the other day."

Dudley left the sandwich on his nightstand and went back downstairs to watch more boxing. Soon after, Harry woke up coughing and pulled himself out of bed. Upon noticing the cold soup, bread and sandwich he brought it all downstairs.

"You made me food?" Harry asked Dudley.

"Not the soup, just the sandwich," Dudley answered.

"Who left the soup?"

"Mom did, last night," Dudley got up off the couch and went into the kitchen where Harry was.

"Do you want me to reheat that for you?"

"I can do it-" Harry started, nervously as he wasn't sure his cousin knew how.

"I know how to use a microwave Harry," Dudley laughed.

Harry just sat down awkwardly at the table and started eating the sandwich. When Dudley put the soup in front of him he said thank you and ate quietly. Dudley sat at the table with him, not bothering to say anything, but taking note of how pale his cousin looked.

After he was done eating Harry washed the dishes and Dudley dried and put them away, as was their new routine. Harry then went upstairs and decided he'd take a hot shower before his Aunt and Uncle returned.

While showering he realized just how sick he was as he could barely breath in the steamy room and a dizzy spell hit him as he got out. He slowly made his way back to his bed, not bothering to dry his hair or throw his clothing and towel in the hamper.

When his Aunt got home she went to check on him, and upon noticing this she made a snarky remark to Vernon, but couldn't deny that she was concerned. She never said it out loud though.

"Did he eat anything today?" She asked Dudley.

"Yeah, a sandwich I made for him and the soup you left him last night-" Dudley replied, but stopped talking when his Mother gave him a sharp look.

"You made the lazy brat food?" Vernon asked, as he had been currently unaware.

"Well, yes because I want him to get better quickly so he can help me with the house before he goes back to school," she answered, Dudley was sure it was just another excuse.

"I can make him help you-"

"Leave him alone Dad, he's sick so just let him rest."

Upon hearing Petunia's agreement with her son Vernon grunted and said; "the sooner those freaks take that kid off our hands the better. He's only putting us in danger! He's such an ungrateful one too, knew he had double the chores and yet he does nothing!"

Dudley and Petunia let Vernon rant, but Dudley sensed that maybe his Mother was becoming more and more worried about Harry too.

Harry was completely unaware of the conversation between his relatives however, as he laid in bed with a headache, aching bones and a stomach still in knots. He couldn't believe that he had gotten the flu in the middle of July.

'Who the Hell gets the flu in July?' He thought to himself, as he turned this way and that trying to get comfortable.

He hoped that he'd feel better by next Tuesday as that was when the Order was picking him up and taking him to the Weasley's. He didn't want them to see him like this.

'They already know you're pathetic so, what does it matter if they do?' A cruel voice in Harry's mind said.

"Ugh!" Harry groaned and tried his best to shake his insecurities because they weren't helping him fight off this illness.

However, Harry's illness wasn't just a common flu, and by the third day of her nephew staying in best all day, even Petunia was concerned despite having tried her best not to be.

She had seen how much her son was starting to care for the boy and she could no longer deny that she felt something for him too. After all, he was so much like Lily and he had her eyes. She could never look him in the eye for that reason. She felt ashamed when she did, and it felt like her sister was condemning her from the grave.

It was Thursday, July 25th and Dudley and Petunia knew that the Order would be picking Harry up in five more days. They wondered if Harry would be okay that long because that morning Harry woke up looking even worse and Petunia had even felt his forehead and had found that the boy was burning.

Dudley had put a cold cloth on his head and had even tried making him chicken noodle soup, but he had somehow managed to burn it. Petunia had shooed her son out of the kitchen and had made Harry something that Lily would've if she had been alive.

"Harry," his Aunt said when she came into his room carrying a tray.

Harry groaned and looked over with a perplexed look.

"Sit up," she commanded and Harry struggled to follow her instructions as everything in his body hurt.

"I made this for you, your Mother used to make it for me and our Mom and Dad when we were sick."

Harry looked at his Aunt like she had three heads, but thanked her and tried his best to eat. It tasted amazing, but Petunia admitted that it wasn't as good as when Lily made it.

Harry had to try his best not to laugh because he was worried she'd think he was ungrateful.

He wasn't ungrateful though, "it's really good," he croaked.

Petunia noted how Harry's voice sounded raw, from coughing most likely, but she couldn't help but think that this seemed worse than the muggle flu. Was it worse for wizards when they got the flu? She couldn't remember Lily ever mentioning anything about wizard sicknesses apart from James' parents dying from one.

This thought worried her, but she shook her head and continued on with what she had been planning to say.

"Dudley has agreed to do your chores, but Vernon has been complaining. He expects you to be up and doing your chores tomorrow. Do you understand?"

'Nice family moment is over,' Harry thought, 'that didn't last long, but it's the first time.'

"Yes Aunt Petunia, I understand," he replied, the best he could.

"Good," Petunia got up and walked out of the boys bedroom.

She turned around once before closing his bedroom door. She wanted to say that she hoped he felt better soon, but it came out;

"You need to feel better by tomorrow, Vernon won't stand for anymore of this."

Dudley made him a sandwich at noon and Harry tried having a cold bath, but neither helped. He found that while he could keep food down when he forced himself to eat, it didn't fill him. It was like he might as well be constantly running because he felt like all the calories and food were just being burned away by him laying in bed.

He constantly felt dizzy when he stood up and hadn't stopped thinking about how bad muggle flu is. It hadn't occurred to him the way it had to his Aunt, that this may be a wizard illness. Harry knew very little about the wizard illnesses and conditions.

By that night Harry felt no better, and was dreading having to do his chores tomorrow, but decided he'd get as much sleep as he could and would pull himself through it. After all, he had to pull himself through worse before, but not in this bad a condition.

Thankfully for Harry, the Order of the Phoenix had taken notice of him not jogging anymore. One or two days was a little worrying for them, but by the third day they were practically in panic mode.

"I haven't even seen him downstairs with the rest of his relatives," Tonks was saying.

"That's not very different from his usual though, typically he's only downstairs when he's doing all the chores," said Mrs. Figg.

"He hasn't even been doing those though. It's like he's just cooped up inside of his bedroom, I don't even think he's eating-"

"He seems even skinnier than he usually becomes during the Summer," Molly's voice was full of anxiety, "Dumbledore, I've told you for years that I think they're starving him-"

"I wouldn't be surprised if they're doing worse than that, when the boys went and got him in the car all those years ago they said he had bars on his windows-" Arthur added.

"We must go and see him, I never liked that you sent him to those muggles Dumbledore. Lily never liked her sister's husband, and Harry has always seemed to hate them. What if they're hurting him? Professor McGonagall was the one who had spoken this time and her voice was full of anxiety as well, despite her usualy stern demeanour.

"They wouldn't dare hurt him, we told them they'd have us to answer to if they did," Moody's gruff voice could be heard replying to the worried teacher, but Moody himself was trying to hide his anxiety for the boy.

Everyone was talking amongst themselves; exchanging notes and sharing theories about what could be wrong the The Boy Who Lived or The Chosen One. Between Harry's behaviour since the Summer started, and his behaviour last year, plus him being unseen and unheard from for the last couple days, they were all extremely worried. The boy who felt so alone, and so worthless didn't know how much people cared about him.

"Dumbledore, he didn't cope well last year and it's obvious he's not coping well now. We've left him all alone to cope with everything he has had to endure throughout his life. Sirius always believed Harry had to be traumatized from everything he has been through-"

Albus raised his hand to silence Remus who had been trying his best to contain his worry until everyone else had calmed down, but he couldn't any longer. All these people that were worrying about Harry didn't understand completely how much pain Harry must be in. Remus knew, his own grief and guilt was eating him alive, but it wasn't just grief at Sirius' death. It was grief and guilt over Harry's life, and how he felt like he had failed him. He had to make things right...

Albus had been sitting at the head of the table listening to everyone speak about Harry and he too was waiting for everyone to calm down, but when Remus began what would quickly become a rant he had interrupted.

"I know Remus, I know he has been failed, not only last year, but throughout this whole time. I've tried my best to do what's in his best interest, but I never knew what was truly good for him. I also didn't see or listen and I don't plan on making that mistake again.

Every momber of the Order silenced as they listened to Albus speak and their hearts went out to the boy that, many of them didn't even know.

"Our poor Harry has been to Hell and back and he's in more pain than most of us can even imagine and he's used to coping with it alone. As I've said before, he feels everything so deeply and has a habit of shutting down and shutting people out."

"We can't let him do that anymore," Remus said, "we have to be there for him, the way Sirius was. Sirius was always there for him, even when it was dangerous. Harry counted on him to be there because no one else was. No one else realized he needed someone."

"We need to be there for him, the way we should have been all along..." Molly added.

Everyone listened and understood what Albus, Remus and Molly were saying. These were the three people in the Order that loved Harry the most. They weren't the only one's by far though, and everyone that knew Harry wanted to be there for him and fix their ignorant mistake. The ignorant mistake of not realizing how hard Harry's life had been and how much pain he had been feeling for so long. The pain he had been doing his best to cope with, and hide his entire life. They weren't going to stay ignorant any longer.

The people who didn't know Harry, longed to know him. They longed to know him not only because he was The Chosen One, but also because they saw how much the people close to him loved him. They knew there must be more to the boy, so much more than the names he had been labelled.

'Who was The Boy Who Lived? Who was The Chosen One?' That was what everybody wanted to know.

The biggest question they were wondering at the moment though was, 'is he okay?"


	6. Chapter 6 - Guilt & Dizzy Spells

Friday morning Harry dragged himself out of bed to start his chores. He knew what his Aunt said was a warning and that his Uncle would lose what little of a mind he had if he didn't return to his routine.

He made them breakfast and was too out of it to notice the worried stares from his Aunt and his cousin.

"Get it together boy! You ruined our breakfast!" Vernon yelled while he was eating.

Harry had burned the food as he was still feeling very ill and was extremely exhausted.

"He's still sick Vernon-" Petunia began.

"Yeah, right! The kid's just being lazy! He's a lazy, arrogant, ungrateful-!"

'Him and Snape sound so much alike,' Harry thought as he tuned himself out to his Uncle's rant.

He went and laid down on the couch until his relatives had finished eating. He wondered if he and Dudley were at the point where he could ask him for help with his chores. He realized it didn't matter if they were at that point because he had too much pride to ask him anyway.

Harry did the dishes and the rest of the chores, with the only help from his cousin being drying and putting the dishes away. His cousin also made them sandwiches for lunch.

Harry managed to make it to dinner and had begun feeling slightly better, or maybe he was just pushing through it. By dinner he was still vacuuming upstairs while his Aunt cooked it. She seemed to be giving him a break as she said that she wanted to make her special lasagna for them. Although, Harry knew that she preferred it when he made it even though she'd never admit to enjoying anything he cooked.

It was while Petunia was cooking and Harry was just about to come down the stairs with the big vacuum that there was a knock at the door.

"I'll get it for you Harry!" Dudley called up as it was usually Harry's job to do everything, even being the doorman.

Dudley gulped however when he saw that the man at the door was no other than Moody. Along with Moody were Remus and Tonks.

"Hello Dudley," Remus said politely, "we're here to see Harry, may we come in?"

"Of course we can," Moody didn't give Dudley a chance to answer as he pushed his way through and the other two Order members followed suit.

Aunt Petunia had walked out of the kitchen at this time, and Harry had sat down on the stairs listening to the conversation and needing to sit down anyway as his heart was racing from exhaustion. Dudley was standing beside the now closed door at the bottom of the stairs, exchanging perplexed looks with his cousin.

"What are you doing here?" Petunia asked.

"We're here to find out why we haven't seen or heard from Harry," Remus answered.

"He has been ill-"

"Likely story, ill with what?" Moody seemed very protective of Harry and Petunia took a step back instinctively.

"I'm not sure, we thought it was the muggle flu, but he hasn't gotten better so I've been suspecting it may be an illness of your kind... wizards, I mean."

"I want to see him, I don't trust you-"

"I'm right here," Harry stood up and looked at them from over the stairs railing.

The Order members and his Aunt were standing beside the staircase in the cramped hallway.

Moody, Remus and Tonks all looked up at the boy with surprise and concern. None of them could deny that he indeed looked quite ill. The boy had dark circles under his eyes, which wasn't something new for him, but they had somehow gotten worse, his messy hair was even messier as if he hadn't even attempted to brush it and his face looked thinner, and paler than when they all saw him last.

"You look like Hell Harry," Tonks was the first to say, very bluntly.

Harry gave a small smile, "thanks."

He picked up the vacuum and trudged down the stairs with the heavy object. Dudley took the vacuum from him, but the typically bubbly Tonks, who was standing the closest to the two boys frowned.

"You're making your sick nephew do his chores still?" She turned and looked at Petunia.

"Well, we've been keeping him in bed since Tuesday," Petunia answered.

"He has been sick since Tuesday and it didn't occur to you to let us know?" Moody had spoken now and was giving Petunia an accusatory stare.

"He has actually been sick since Sunday," Dudley found enough courage to say.

Dudley was still afraid of wizards and had his back against the wall as if to protect his backside. Harry would've found this amusing if Moody wasn't getting angry with his Aunt.

"Not helping Dudley," Harry hissed at him.

"I wasn't trying to help her, I was trying to help you."

"Well, you seem to be the only one in this family to be trying to help Harry, so thank you," Remus walked passed Tonks and over to Harry.

He put his hand on Harry's forehead, "you've got a fever, why didn't you write to us and tell us that you're sick?"

"I didn't want to bother you," Harry replied, his face going red from embarrassment.

It was embarrassment that he didn't need to feel because the people that were looking at him with worry were people who cared for him and didn't think any less of him for being sick.

"Harry, asking us to take care of you isn't bothering us. Sirius always told you that-"

"And he's dead, because he tried taking care of me."

Moody was no longer glaring at Petunia, but was observing the exchange between Harry and Remus. He felt sadness for the boy who had been through so much and he understood personally how hard the life Harry had lived was.

"We'll talk about this later," Moody cut in, "Tonks, go get Harry's things. We're taking him to the burrow where we can care for him better, and find out what's wrong with him."

Harry didn't say anything, but that sense of dread that he had felt earlier that Summer had come back. He didn't want to have to face Ginny and Ron, or the other Weasley's. He was ashamed that he had gotten his friends into so much danger.

Moody seemed to read Harry's mind, "no one's mad at you Harry, we've been sick with worry because we haven't heard from you."

Harry remained silent, but Petunia spoke up, "he has been more depressed, he wasn't eating even before he got sick and he always looks so upset. His nightmares have gotten worse too."

"Thank you for telling us that Mrs. Dursley, can you tell us more about his symptoms since Sunday?" Remus was still standing beside Harry and had put his arm around his shoulders in comfort.

"I noticed he was even more fatigued on Sunday, but other then that I didn't notice anything until Tuesday. He has had a fever, he has been coughing and getting dizzy. His body seems to hurt somewhere from what I can tell as he's always groaning like he's in pain whenever he moves. Is there anything else Dudley? That you've noticed since you've been with him more."

Harry was even more embarrassed and sent his cousin a look that said 'don't say anything,' but Dudley did anyway because he was concerned for his cousin.

"He's been eating, but it's like he's always hungry. He still won't eat though-"

Dudley stopped talking upon noticing Harry's glare and how he pulled away from Remus angrily. Harry walked passed Moody and His Aunt (Tonks was upstairs getting his things) and went into the sitting room.

There Harry sat by himself, or at least he felt like he might as well be. Moody and Remus had followed him and had sat on either side of him on the couch.

"Harry, there's nothing to be ashamed of," Moody said firmly, "you haven't done anything wrong by being sick. Or anything wrong at all really, what happened wasn't your fault."

Remus tried putting his arm around Harry again, but Harry only stood up and walked over to the window.

"We don't think you're weak or stupid, or anything else that's going through your head right now. We love you Harry, and so did Sirius. He would hate that you were feeling like this-"

"He would've understood," Harry sighed and closed his eyes for a moment, he refused to cry in front of them, especially in front of Moody.

"Yes, he would've and we want to understand too, but that doesn't mean we can't hate that you're in pain," was Remus' reply, "it's not your fault that you're in pain Harry, it's not your fault that you've been hurt. I know we haven't ever told you that because we didn't think it was necessary. We didn't-"

"Well, that was your first mistake," Moody interrupted, "Harry listen, I'm going to tell you the way it is. Look at me... thank you. Everything Remus said was right, none of this is your fault, but someone should have helped you long ago. I told Albus that multiple times before, in fact when I first accepted the job of Defence Against the Dark Arts I was excited to meet you. I was surprised when Albus told me you hadn't ever been to a psychological healer-"

"What's a psychological healer?" Harry asked.

"It's like a therapist Harry, my Mother has one," Tonks had entered the sitting room levitating Harry's trunk and empty owl cage, "I let Hedwig out, I thought she could meet us there. I hope that's okay Harry."

Harry nodded and Moody stood up from the couch, which he and Remus had remained sitting on when Harry had moved away from them.

"We'll talk about this later, we have to go before anyone gets word that we're moving you."

"How would anyone get word? I thought you guys were taking me Tuesday, so won't they?"

"Probably, but we can never be to cautious, especially when it comes to protecting you. So, let's go," Moody walked out of the sitting room, followed by Tonks.

Remus looked over at Harry and stood up from the couch too, "come on Harry, let's get you home."

Harry didn't say anything, but he followed Tonks and Remus followed behind him.

"We'll be taking Harry now Dursley," Moody was saying to Petunia in the hallway, "Harry will return one last time next Summer, which he wouldn't be if I was in charge, but Albus is in control of his care so... anyway, come on you three. Harry, up here with me."

Harry hurried past Tonks, Petunia and Dudley to stand beside Moody.

Harry couldn't deny the anger that he felt when Moody had mentioned his headmaster. He was still angry with him, despite breaking half of the headmasters belongings at the end of last year because he hadn't actually gotten his anger out. Breaking things never does get rid of anger, it just momentarily distracts the person and Harry knew that now.

"Here you go, I hope you're not too sick to fly," Moody passed Harry his Firebolt and smiled, "you're the only one I'm not worried about when it comes to fighting on a broomstick. Those two however, have a hard enough time flying regardless-"

Harry laughed when Moody gestured to Tonks and Remus. Tonks objected to that comment, but Remus smiled because he was happy that Moody had managed to get a laugh out of Harry.

Moody was thinking the same thing as he opened the door and walked out onto the lawn of the Dursley's.

"See you next Summer Harry," Dudley called and Harry looked back and waved with a small smile.

This didn't go unnoticed by Remus who said, "you and your cousin are getting along?"

"It's a long story," Harry replied.

"Talk about it later," Moody gestured for them to climb onto their broomsticks, "if one of us gets killed, don't break ranks."

"You said that last time," Harry recalled.

"And I always will say that, now Harry stay close to me."

Moody took off and Harry quickly followed, taking notice of how Remus and Tonks flew behind them and stayed close to each other.

Harry tried his best to concentrate on flying close to Moody because as confident as he was in Remus and Tonks' abilities, Moody was always the one he'd want to be close to in times of trouble.

Harry remained close to Moody during the flight from Little Whinging to Ottery St. Catchpole, where the Weasley's lived. It was a long flight, but finally they made it.

When they landed Moody sent Harry a worried look as he looked like he might be dizzy.

"You okay Harry?" Tonks asked as she had also noticed this.

"I'm fine," Harry lied.

"Let's get him inside so he can rest, I'm sure Molly will have cooked something up for him. Eating may make him feel better," Moody said, clearly not buying Harry's attempt at reassurance.

Moody walked up to the burrow's door muttering something about Harry's relatives and Harry being too thin. Harry watched as Moody knocked, and Molly and him exchanged the security question and answer. He realized that if this tiny bit of security was something that Moody was doing he should probably follow Dumbledore and Hermione's advice and do it too.

"Come on inside Harry," Moody said, moving out of the way to let Harry through.

"Harry my dear!" Molly embraced Harry and he returned the hug wholeheartedly.

"Hi Mrs. Weasley," he smiled at her when she let him go and looked around the familiar place.

He felt comforted by being there, but he couldn't ignore the sense of guilt that remained. Remus had walked over to Harry and putting his arm around his shoulders, led him to the dining table and sat down beside him.

"You don't look well dear, are you feeling alright?" Molly asked as she went into the kitchen and started cooking something for them.

"His relatives told us that he was sick and that that's why we haven't seen or heard from him," Moody answered for him, sitting down on the other side of him.

Tonks had sat down across from Remus and they were currently exchanging looks with each other. This didn't go unnoticed by Harry who looked between the two wondering what was going on.

"Is that true Harry? Are you ill?" Mrs. Weasley broke Harry's concentration on Remus and Tonks and he looked over at her.

"Um, yeah I've been sick since Sunday," he replied nervously.

"Why wouldn't you write us?"

"He said he didn't want to bother us," Remus told her and this caused her to send Harry a look of pity.

"Harry dear, you wouldn't be bothering us-"

"That's what we told him," Tonks added, but Molly kept talking to Harry as she put soup into a bowl.

"I love taking care of my family, and you my dear are family," Molly smiled at him as she put the soup in front of him, and also gave soup to the others.

Everyone thanked her and Harry ate, hoping he'd be able to go to bed after and not have to speak to the Order members about how he was feelings, both physically and otherwise.

Crookshanks came and started rubbing against Harry's legs.

"Hermione's here?" Harry asked, both excited and nervous at the same time and it could be heard in the tone of his voice.

"Yeah, we went and got her on Wednesday," Tonks answered, giving him an odd look.

"Awesome, she's probably asleep like the others..." Harry trailed off and started eating even faster.

After Harry was done his soup Mrs. Weasley ordered him to bed, for which he was thankful because he was exhausted and wanted to avoid Moody and Remus' enquires and useless reassuring words.

"We'll talk later Harry," Remus made a point of saying as he went to head upstairs.

"Yes, we will be," Moody added, "you can't avoid your feelings Harry, that's an unhealthy habit to have, especially as a future auror."

"Okay, well good night and thanks for coming to get me," Harry said sadly before going upstairs to bed.

"He really doesn't sound or look good..." He heard Molly say.

Harry felt happy about the 'future auror' part of Moody's comment, but then he remembered that Exceeds Expectations grade in Potions and that bit of encouragement got dampened.

'Maybe Professor Slughorn will accept my grade..." he hoped as he went into Fred and George's bedroom, which was where Molly had told him he'd be sleeping.

Before laying down Harry took out his wand and poked the bed, before looking under it and checking the closets, dresser and night tables. He was sure that Fred and George would leave him a present, but he found nothing except old jokes that had been discarded or renewed.

The twins room was messy, full of jokes and gags and old abandoned books and clothing, but Harry didn't mind. Mrs. Weasley had been nice enough to make sure Hedwig and his trunk had made it to his room for him and had also put flowers on one of the night tables for him.

Harry didn't even bother getting into pyjamas since he was already wearing baggy track pants and a t-shirt. He felt like he probably should have been wearing something more neat when his mentor, his father's best friend and Tonks picked him up, but they had surprised him and he was too sick to care. They hadn't thought there was anything wrong with his attire anyway. In fact, they were too concerned for him to even notice.

When he lay down on the bed he was asleep almost immediately however, he had entered into a sleep of memories that he'd rather forget, but knew he never would.

Saturday morning seemed to come too fast; the sun broke through the window and Harry pulled the covers over his head, refusing to get out of bed and just wishing for even an hour of dreamless sleep. This wouldn't be offered to him however, as Crookshanks, Hermione's cat laid on his chest purring.

"You're supposed to be with Hermione," Harry mumbled to the cat as he scratched his ears.

The cat only purred and moments later his bedroom door was opened.

"Harry?" He smiled when he heard her voice.

"Good morning Hermione."

He heard her walk over to the bed and pick up Crookshanks, "go on, I want to see him too."

He rubbed his eyes and began sitting up as she sat down on the bed beside him, "Mrs. Weasley told me you got here Wednesday?"

"Yeah, I did," Hermione was beaming at him, "I knew you were here when Crookshanks wasn't laying with me. You're the only other person he sleeps with."

During the time that Harry and Hermione had exchanged these very few words, Ron had gone downstairs and had found out Harry was there. He came bursting through the door at that moment;

"Hey mate!" Ron was beaming at him too and Harry was filled with happiness at the fact that they were both happy to see him.

"How are you? Did the muggles treat you good? Doesn't look like it, you look like Hell."

"Thanks, but I'm sick," Harry explained, "I've been sick since Sunday and actually my Aunt and cousin kind of took care of me."

Hermione felt his forehead, "you're burning up, I'm going to go tell Mrs. Weasley-"

"No, don't!" Harry grabbed her hand as she got up from his bed.

"She needs to know, she may have medicine for you-"

"It's just the muggle flu-"

"Wizards don't get muggle flu Harry, and when they do it's potentially dangerous."

Harry didn't know this and he groaned and laid back on his pillows, knowing he wouldn't be able to stop her.

"It's okay mate," Ron assured him after Hermione had left, "my mom will probably make you an appointment at St. Mungos-"

"Great, just what I need," Harry said, getting agitated, "to be seen by doctors so that everyone can know how stupid and weak I am."

"Man you're a lot of things, but stupid and weak is something no one can accuse you of being. You and Remus were the only one's that got out uninjured, even Dumbledore seems to have been hurt by the fight with you-know- - alright, Voldemort."

Harry had sent Ron a look, but became worried about what he said about their headmaster.

"He seems injured? I saw him just two weeks ago and he seemed fine."

"I don't know, the ministry is thinking he's getting too old to protect Hogwarts-"

Harry rolled his eyes and groaned, "they're still trying to get him out of the school? Really? He's the best headmaster Hogwarts has ever had and all the bad stuff that has happened to Hogwarts has happened when he hasn't been there to protect us."

"I know, but he seems slower and something happened to his hand that has gotten everyone worried. I overheard dad saying that he has been going on secret missions or something, and that the ministry wants to know what he's doing."

Harry thought about this; he had noticed that Dumbledore's hand was injured when he had seen him the other day, but that hadn't happened during the fight with Voldemort last month. He knew this because he had been there, had watched the entire thing and never did Dumbledore seem to get injured at all.

"Maybe his hand got injured during one of these secret missions?"

"I haven't got a clue Harry, but even parents are thinking that he has gotten too old. Some are trying to pull their kids out of school-"

"They're just saying that because the ministry is-"

"Mom said that-"

"That's ridiculous, I swear everyone has gone mad!" Harry had gotten up in his agitation and had grabbed jeans out of his trunk as well as a clean shirt.

"The safest place to be is at Hogwarts with Dumbledore. He isn't even that old, how old is he anyway?"

Ron shrugged, but just then Hermione walked back into the room just as Harry had changed his pants and pulled off his dirty shirt.

"He's 114 years old, 115 next month," Hermione answered, she stopped when she saw Harry.

She blushed and turned around, Harry was blushing also as he pulled on his clean shirt.

"Uh, how do you know that?" Harry asked awkwardly, sitting down on his bed against his pillows.

"I do my research, can I turn around now?"

"Yeah."

Ron had sat down at the bottom of the bed, Hermione got onto the bed and crawled up to sit beside Harry, leaning against his pillows too.

They sat in awkward silence while Ron watched, noticing how they were both still blushing.

Molly walked into Harry's room holding a cloth and levitating a tray, "Hermione told me you have a fever Harry so, I brought you a cold cloth and some breakfast."

"Thanks Mrs. Weasley," Harry said, feeling embarrassed and a little annoyed that Hermione mentioned his fever.

Hermione was looking at him with concern though while he ate his breakfast and he couldn't be mad at her when he noticed this. Despite not understanding why she cared about him so much. The truth was, Harry cared about her more than he could say. It hurt him deeply when she got hurt during the battle at the ministry.

'Which was your fault, she got hurt because of you,' a cruel voice in his head told him, but he shook it off.

It wasn't the voice of Voldemort the way it had mostly been last year, these voices were voices of trauma. He had these voices in his head for a long time, since before last year.

Harry blamed himself for everything that had happened at the ministry and he had trouble eating when these thoughts popped back into his brain.

"Eat Harry," Hermione encouraged when she noticed him put his spoon down.

"I can't, I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize for not being able to eat Harry, I understand you're sick," Hermione replied soothingly, "I'll take your tray down to Mrs. Weasley and tell her-"

"I wasn't apologizing for that," Harry got up before she could and picked up his own tray.

Ron and Hermione got up to follow him, "then what are you apologizing for mate?"

"For everything, for last month and everything else that has happened in the last five years-" Harry had turned to face the two of them.

"Harry, you don't need to apologize-" Hermione started.

"Yes, I do! You got hurt Hermione and it was my fault! I can't just ignore that, I can't keep letting you guys be nice to me when I know you- both of you nearly got killed because of me! As well as your sister Ron and the members of-"

Harry was still holding the tray, but his hands starting shaking and Ginny came rushing into the room because she had heard his outburst. Harry had had his back towards the door so Ginny was standing behind him.

"Harry, it wasn't your fault!" Ginny interrupted, "we didn't go to the ministry because of you, we went there __for__ you! We wanted to save you, and Sirius because we love both of you-"

"But it was a trap Ginny! I should have known that, Hermione did-!" He turned to face her.

"After what happened with our father we understood why you believed it could be real. I think we all knew it could be real or a trap and whether it was or not we wanted to be with you. We didn't want you to fight all alone again, the way you always have had to."

"That's right," Ron said after Ginny had finished, "we wanted to fight with you this time, instead of staying on the sidelines."

Harry shook his head and tried to calm himself down.

'Why can't they understand it's my fault?' He thought to himself.

"Harry," Hermione said gently, putting her hand on his shoulder.

Harry turned again to looked at her and Ron, but found that he had started feeling dizzy again. Ron could tell so he took the tray from him and passed it to Ginny.

"Hermione, I think-" Harry started to say that he thought he was about to pass out, but before he could manage to get the words out he lost his balance and stumbled to the ground.

Hermione caught him the best she could and fell to the ground with him, holding him in her arms.

"Harry-" Hermione could tell he was still somewhat conscious, but when she felt his head he felt even hotter and she looked over at Ron as if asking him what to do because for once she couldn't think of anything.

"Ginny, go get Mom," Ron commanded and Ginny didn't need to be told twice.

She took the tray and ran downstairs to her Mother who quickly put down what she was doing and ran upstairs.

"Harry dear?" She went over to him and felt his forehead.

"He got out of bed and he was upset," Hermione explained while she held him, "and then he got dizzy and lost his balance."

"Harry, can you get back into bed?" Molly asked.

He nodded and struggled to get to his feet, but Ron grabbed his arm and put it around his shoulder to help him.

"I got you mate... there you go," Ron said as Harry laid down.

"I'm going to send a letter to St. Mungos and get a healer down here," Molly told them, "stay here with him."

Harry groaned, half from the sudden dizzy spell and the half from the fuss that was being made over him.

'Over your weakness.'

He had thought that he had been feeling a little better when he had first awoken, but whenever his thoughts went back to his guilt it was like his entire body turned against him. He suddenly felt like his body was on fire again and everything ached.

Ron sat down at the foot of the bed again and Hermione knelt on the floor, reaching for his hand. Ron noticed this and also noticed how Harry smiled and squeezed her hand when he felt her hand in his. He watched this little exchange knowingly;

'When are they going to stop doing their little dance and just get together already.'

Ginny had come back into the room and had taken a place sitting on top of a wooden box that Fred and George had left. She stayed quiet while she watched Harry and Hermione, a pang of pain in her chest as she did so.

'What's wrong with me? I'm dating Dean now-' she thought to herself, trying to shake off the familiar feeling.

Ginny, Ron and Hermione stayed by Harry's side while he drifted off the sleep. Each of them were anxiously awaiting Mrs. Weasley's return with a healer, hoping that they'd be able to help their friend.

Harry didn't know how many people loved him; the Order, the Weasley's and his friends all loved him more than he could understand at that time, They hoped he'd be able to see how much they cared about him someday, they also hoped he'd understand that it wasn't his fault what had happened, ever and that he'd be able to move on and be happy again.

This was easier said than done however, but the first step had been taken towards healing whether it was known or not.


	7. Chapter 7 - St Mungo's

It took Molly longer than she expected to get a healer to her home. She had gone into St. Mungos and had told them that she had a child that had been sick with a fever for almost a week. She had been told to wait in the waiting room until her number was called out.

It had been about seven o' clock when Harry had woken up, and by the time Molly had left the Burrow it was quarter to eight. It was now almost noon and Molly was at her wits end.

She understood there were a lot of critical injuries; lots of people who had been attacked or robbed were there, the world was in chaos as they were in the middle of a war. So, a child with a fever truly wasn't their main priority.

Finally Molly got sick of waiting and got up and went over to the desk.

"Hi, I've been waiting for nearly four hours to talk to a healer about coming to see a sick child that's in my care. This child has been sick for days and he almost fainted earlier, I understand you're busy, but children need to be treated too!"

The lady at the desk barely looked up at Molly as she sighed and said, "I'm sorry Madame, but people are getting attacked by death eaters or other frightened citizens left and right. We will send a healer as soon as we can-"

"The child in my care is Harry Potter," Molly interrupted impatiently, hoping to catch her attention and speed things along.

That did indeed catch her attention.

The woman looked up shocked and asked, " _ _the__ Harry Potter?"

"Of course, __the__ Harry Potter!" Molly answered exasperated, "how many Harry Potter's are there?"

The woman got up quickly and walked around the desk, "Amelia, please come watch the desk for a few minutes."

Another woman who had been talking to another annoyed person about waiting times looked up, obviously surprised and confused that the woman would leave her alone at the desk to take care of the multiple injuries.

"This is an important case," she said to Amelia before she could ask any questions.

"This way," she motioned to Molly to follow her down one of the hallways.

They walked up to the highest floor, which was the fifth and eventually made it to an office where the woman knocked and entered the room, leaving Molly in the hallway.

When she came back out of the office she said, "my name's Olivia by the way," before leading Molly into the room.

"This is the director of St. Mungo's, Jack Smith," Olivia told her as she followed her.

"What's this about Olivia? I have a lot of paperwork to do so this better be as important as you acted like it was."

"Yes Sir, it is. This woman here's name is..." Olivia turned to Molly, "what's your name again?"

"My name is Mrs. Molly Weasley," she walked towards the man at the desk and held out her hand.

He stood up and accepted it, "yes, I remember you. Your husband was attacked by a snake last Christmas if I remember correctly."

"Yes, he was-"

"How's he doing?" Jack asked politely with a smile as he sat back down in his chair.

"He's back to normal thanks to your wonderful healers here, but that's not why I'm here-"

"Then why are you here? I'm assuming Olivia wouldn't send you up to my office during times like these just to thank me and my healers."

"No, that's not why I'm here either. I'm here because I have a child in my care who has fallen quite ill-"

"I'm sorry, Molly was it?" Jack interrupted and got up and walked around his desk, "I understand wait times are long, but requesting to talk to me to move things along isn't-"

"The child in my care is Harry Potter!" Molly said again.

"Oh..." there was a long moment of silence in which Jack looked at Olivia questioningly.

"Then Olivia is right, this is quite important..." Olivia was sending Jack a look that said 'I told you so.'

"He has been ill since Sunday with a fever, and he has been exceptionally weak, aching everywhere and also very depressed according to his relatives. This morning when he woke up he seemed to be feeling a little better, but then he nearly fainted. He has been-"

"I see," Jack interrupted Molly and walked over to Olivia, "Olivia, go find Isla Jones and send her with Molly to see the boy."

Olivia nodded as she knew who Isla was and exactly why Jack wanted her specifically to go see Harry.

Olivia asked Molly to go back to the waiting room and that her and Isla would be there to meet her in a few minutes. Molly did as she was told while Olivia went to find the unknown healer.

At the Burrow, Harry was still asleep and Hermione had moved onto the bed to sit beside him, against the headboard and some extra pillows that Ron had gone to get them. Ron was sitting at the bottom of the bed, but he was now propped up against the wall. Ginny had gone downstairs as she had felt like her presence in the room was just awkward. She felt like Harry only needed Hermione, and Ron right now.

One thirty was when Molly arrived home with the healer, Isla Jones.

The healer had long, curly blonde hair with dark green eyes. She was slender and of average height. She looked like she was about late thirties, early forties.

When she came into the room with Molly Hermione and Ron thought she looked a lot like Rita Skeeter.

"Can you explain more about what happened?" Isla asked.

"Well, I told you that he has been ill since Sunday; he has had a fever and seems to be in physical pain, but also has been very depressed and hasn't wanted to eat a lot according to his relatives. He ate some soup last night when he arrived, but didn't finish his breakfast," Molly answered.

"Has he had a history of depression?"

Molly began to answer, but Hermione cut in, "yes, he has been depressed before, especially last year."

"When's the earliest sign of depression that you noticed? Ms. Granger, is it?" Isla recognized Hermione from the articles Rita Skeeter had written a couple years previous.

"Maybe second year, when everyone thought he was the heir of Slytherin-"

"So, he felt very alone during that time? After all, what child wouldn't feel alone when ostracized from his peers? Would you say he got depressed last year from being ostracized from the rest of the world?"

"Um, yes I suppose so. He always feels alone and like he can't trust anyone, even us. He has always had to cope with his trauma alone, and last year was exceptionally hard after Voldemort returned and the ministry did his best to isolate him. As if Voldemort wasn't-"

Ron made a noise and tapped Hermione's foot, letting her know she may be saying too much. Ron had a bad feeling about this woman; she seemed to be asking normal questions, important questions that had to be asked in order to help Harry, but this woman's eyes flashed like Rita Skeeter's when she was trying to get information out of Harry for another rubbish article.

"As if Voldemort wasn't what Ms. Granger?" Isla pushed.

"What does that have to do with helping Harry right now?" Ron asked, his tone cold.

"I need to know the background-"

"Harry needs to be helped with his current fever and then you can worry about the rest."

Isla nodded at the sixteen year old boy, who she felt was scrutinizing her.

"Ronald, Ms. Jones is trying to help Harry-" Molly started hissing at her son, but Isla stepped in.

"It's quite alright, he's just being a good friend," Isla smiled politely before asking the two teenagers to move off the bed so she could see Harry better.

Isla checked for any injuries using a magic detector that didn't require touching him. Harry was still asleep, but she decided she'd have to wake him up to do, and hear anything else.

"Mr. Potter," she said gently, pushing his arm to wake him up.

Harry groaned and blinked a few times before grabbing his glasses and focusing on the lady in front of him. He sat up frightened and reached for his wand before noticing Molly and his friends were in the room with him.

"What's going on?" Harry asked, "who's this lady?"

"I told you I would be going to get a healer Harry, this is her," Molly explained, "her name's Isla Jones."

He sat up and rubbed his eyes, looking over at the clock and realizing it was almost two o' clock.

"I don't need a healer, I'm fine," Harry told her.

"Mr. Potter, may I see that for myself? I just want to take your temperature and check some other things. It'll be a lot like the muggle doctor exams you're probably used to."

"Actually I've never been to a muggle doctor, but I suppose this will make my friends feel better so, go ahead," he replied to Isla in a monotone voice.

Isla noticed that the boy seemed very depressed; he had dark circles under his eyes as if he hadn't slept in months, his skin was pale and his hair didn't look like it had been brushed in a long time, he was also very thin as if he had been starved or had been starving himself.

"Your relatives never took you to a doctor?" She asked as she began her examination, first checking his heart and lungs.

"No, they don't really care much about my health," Harry answered, "but that's okay because I have people who care now."

Harry smiled, despite originally being annoyed that Hermione had told Molly about his fever he couldn't deny that he felt good that they cared about him so much. Molly and Hermione's obvious concern and Ron's protectiveness had him feeling safe and loved, if only for the moment.

Isla noticed how Ron watched her every move and how Hermione was basically hovering over her shoulder as if expecting her to hurt him.

"I suppose it's good that you have people who love you so much," Isla said in a strange voice, "your heart sounds like it has a lot of pressure on it. It's beats are irregular, probably from the obvious stress and you being so thin. Your blood pressure is also higher than it should be for your size, and age."

Harry was surprised with this, but than realized that he didn't really care. He didn't believe he deserved to be healthy because he had never been taken care of physically or psychologically so, he had come to believe that it didn't matter. This was all too common with victims of trauma, especially when survivors guilt was involved.

Isla noticed that Harry didn't seem very concerned about himself, "you seem very tired, do you have nightmares?"

Harry nodded, "are they every night, all night?"

He nodded again and she turned to Molly, "I believe I may know what's wrong, but you'll need to bring him to St. Mungos."

Harry groaned and Isla excused herself, deciding to wait in the hallway while Molly and his friends talked to the irritated teenager.

Once she was standing in the hallway she put her ear right against the door to eavesdrop.

"I don't want to go to St. Mungos' Mrs. Weasley!" Harry was saying.

"Harry, we just want you to feel better and this lady will help you," Molly tried soothing him.

"I'm fine! I don't need everyone knowing how weak I am!"

"No one can accuse you of being weak mate!" Ron said, raising his voice slightly only because he was annoyed that his friend thought that about himself.

"Ron, don't yell at him," Molly told her son before turning back to Harry, "he's right though Harry dear, no one thinks you're weak. You're one of the strongest people and anyone who thinks you aren't are crazy. Why do you think you're weak?"

There was a beat of silence and then, "it doesn't matter."

"Of course it matters Harry! It matters to us and it should matter to you! You matter to us, we all love you and we want to help you! You need to trust us to help you, and I know that's hard Harry, but your parents would want you to be happy. You can't live li-"

"Well, I haven't got any parents, do I Mrs. Weasley? I'm sorry, but my Mom and Dad are dead! I have no one anymore now that Sir- Padfoot," Harry stopped himself from saying his name because he knew Isla was in the hallway, "is dead too! He was the closest thing to a parent I've-"

"Harry listen!" It was Hermione who spoke this time, "you aren't alone! You have me, and Ron and the rest of the Weasley's! You have Neville, Luna, Remus, Mad Eye and Professor Dumbledore! I know Padfoot and your parents are dead, but that doesn't mean that you're alone!"

"If I agree to go to St. Mungos will this end?" Harry finally said.

"No! We will never stop trying to convince you that you aren't alone. No matter what happens, we will support you because that's what you do when you care about someone. You stay by their side through thick and thin, like you have always done for us."

Harry didn't reply to Hermione, but Molly could tell that his resolve about not going to St. Mungos was at least temporarily broken and she knew that they had to get him there before it came back.

"I'll tell Ms. Jones that you'll be ready in a couple minutes, okay Harry?"

Harry nodded and Molly left the room.

Isla took a step back when she heard this and looked like she had been standing on the other side of the hallway.

"Is Mr. Potter coming?" She asked politely.

"Yes, he'll be ready in just a couple minutes. Do you want a cup of tea while we wait?"

Isla accepted Molly's offer and went downstairs, wishing she could eavesdrop more on the teenagers.

Harry had gotten out of bed and had gone over to his trunk to pull out his Dopp kit. He pulled out a hairbrush and started brushing his messy hair as much as he could, hoping that Hermione and Ron wouldn't speak.

"Harry, we just want you to be okay," Hermione said, causing him to groan, "we care about you so much and we've been so worried. Not just this Summer, but last year too. We want you to be happy and healthy, and I know Sirius would've wanted that too."

"I don't want to talk about him right now Hermione," Harry replied shortly.

Hermione went silent, but that was when Ron spoke up, "you can't ignore the fact that he's gone Harry-"

"I'm not!" Harry snapped, "how can I ignore the fact that he's dead when I see his death in my mind every night?! Or blame myself for it every bloody second of the day?! I can't forget his death, and I can't forget him! I can't forget the memories we made in the short time that we had-!"

Harry broke down then, tears came down and he sat on his trunk wiping them away before they had time to fall. Hermione went over and sat on the trunk beside him, wrapping her arms around him as he cried.

Neither her or Ron said anything, even when Harry stopped crying and got up, throwing his hairbrush onto the bed and wiping his eyes and then wiping his glasses on his shirt.

"Let's go get this over with," Harry said once he had put his glasses back on and grabbed a light sweater.

Hermione walked over to him and gently grabbed his hand, while Ron walked in front of them as if to guard Harry.

"We're ready to go," Ron said to Isla and his Mother when they got downstairs.

"Okay," Isla replied, looking at Harry and taking notice of the hand holding and redness of his face, "are you all coming with him?"

"Yeah, we are all coming with him," Ron answered firmly.

"Alright, let's go then," Isla turned on her heel and walked towards the fireplace that Molly had brought them there with.

"Ginny dear, come with us. You can wait in the waiting room if you want."

Ginny had been sitting on the couch and had also noticed Hermione and Harry holding hands, and the fact that Harry's face was red.

"Do I have to come?" She asked.

She was concerned for Harry, but she wasn't wanting to bother him with her presence.

'What's wrong with me? Why are my old thoughts coming back?' She thought to herself.

'It's because you know Hermione's the one he wants, not you. What a true friend? Telling you to relax around him so he notices you and then she moves in. I bet she only told you to start dating other people so she could have him,' a cruel voice said.

She shook her head and focused back on what her Mother was saying, "Ginny dear, you're fourteen years old and there's a war going on. Of course you can't be by yourself. Come along."

Ginny reluctantly got up and followed behind the group.

'She treats you like a child, that's all Harry thinks you are. Just his best friends pathetic, little sister.'

Ginny tried to push away the cruel voice that had returned in her mind.

This voice had returned a few weeks ago, after Voldemort attempted and failed to possess Harry. Ginny was sure it was just her old insecurities and that there was nothing to worry about, but Harry.

Ginny cared about Harry a lot and couldn't imagine living without him. So, right now she focused on him; how ill he looked and how depressed he was and how he felt about Sirius, because everyone downstairs had heard him yelling his feelings, including Isla.

Ginny tried her best to ignore how angry she felt that Hermione was holding Harry's hand, as if she could ever comfort him because she didn't understand how he was feeling no matter how much she tried. Hermione could never understand Harry like she did, could never love him like she could if he only gave her the chance.

She was brought out of her thoughts by Hermione, who had let Isla, Molly, Ron and Harry go first.

"Hey Ginny, are you alright?" Hermione asked, sincerely concerned.

"Yeah, of course. I'm just worried about Harry," Ginny answered with a smile.

"So am I, but he'll be okay. We'll take care of our Harry, right?" She smiled and put her arm around Ginny's shoulder in a best friend type of way.

"Of course we will, take care of __our__ Harry," Ginny trailed off before grabbing some floo powder and jumping into the fireplace.

"St. Mungos!" She said, disappearing off to the hospital like everyone else.

Hermione followed after Ginny, but she couldn't help noticing the knot in her stomach that had formed as she heard the strange tone in Ginny's voice. Hermione shook it off however, because everyone was worried about Harry.

'She's just worried about him, that's probably all it is,' she thought to herself before joining the others at St. Mungos.

They arrived at St. Mungo's a little after two o'clock. Everybody looked as Harry walked into the waiting room once again holding Hermione's hand, with Ron walking in front of them as if he was Harry's personal body guard. Harry kept his eyes on the ground because he felt ashamed of being there.

'Everyone's going to know I'm pathetic and weak,' he thought to himself.

Hermione, as if she could read his mind squeezed his hand. He smiled a small smile and squeezed back, looking her in the eyes and exchanging a look of love with her that they didn't even notice. Ron however, did notice and he smirked.

Finally Isla was opening a door that led to a private room.

"We'll come back and start running blood test immediately Mr. Potter," Isla said before leaving the room.

"Blood test?" Harry groaned, he had heard about muggle blood test and he hoped that wizard test weren't as painful.

Unfortunately they were. After his blood was taken a healer brought him a tray of food. She fumbled as she put it in front of him and looked completely starstruck as she apologized and looked at the teenager with awe. Molly cleared her throat and got the woman to hurry out of the room because she could tell that she was making Harry uncomfortable.

Harry ate his late lunch while Hermione sat in a chair beside the hospital bed. Molly was sitting on his other side while Ron sat with Ginny in the waiting room. Hermione had to remember to mention to Harry and Ron the strange feeling she had had earlier.

'Maybe it's not even worth mentioning, it's most likely nothing,' Hermione thought to herself about Ginny's odd behaviour.

'Harry would probably be a better judge of that though.'

After another hour Isla finally returned with his results.

"Mr. Potter, we traced the magic in your blood and realize-"

"Magic in my blood?" Harry asked, he knew he was a wizard obviously but he hadn't known that you could tell that by physical blood.

"Yes, you can tell if someone is a wizard, muggle or squib by their blood," Isla explained, "anyway, we found that your magic levels are quite... interesting."

"Interesting how?"

"You're a very powerful wizard Mr. Potter, everybody already knows that, but your magic is lower than its normal levels. Despite never checking your levels before we can tell because of the way the magic in your blood is reacting."

Harry was giving her a confused look, "in other words, your magic is weaker than usual because of your depression."

This caused Harry to become even more confused, "my feelings are effecting my magic?"

"When a witch or wizard falls into a depression or develops PTSD their magic can become weakened. Your case of course, isn't that bad yet. You still have your magic, but because of your physically illness and your psychologically struggles with PTSD your magic is starting to make you ill. That's why you have a fever, it's your magic trying to cope with your physical and psychological problems. There have been cases where a witch or wizards magic will be completely sapped-"

"Sapped?!" Harry was getting anxious and upset at the idea, "like destroyed?! Like I wouldn't be a wizard anymore, I'd be a muggle?"

"The chances of it becoming that bad is very low Mr. Potter so, please calm down," Isla tried to sooth him, "the process of a witch or wizard losing their magic due to depression or PTSD or in your case and like most cases, both happens very gradually and you don't typically see the magical effects for months, or even years."

"But you said his magic has weakened already," Molly said questioningly.

"His magic's out of sorts because of his physical state, and it could also be out of sorts because of the tremendous amount of trauma he has suffered. He has been showing signs of depression for four years according to Ms. Granger, that's long enough for it to start."

Harry was sitting in the bed absolutely terrified; his breathing sped up, his heart started racing so hard that his chest hurt, he started shaking and feeling dizzy again. He had lost so much control over his life, never truly had any control in the first place and now he was going to lose control over his magic?

'This can't be happening, this can't be real,' he thought to himself.

"Mr. Potter please, take some deep, slow breaths," Isla sat on the bed beside him and he tried moving away, but she put her hands gently on his shoulders, "it's okay Mr. Potter. I know this seems scary, but as I said it'd take months to years for you to lose your magi-"

"I've been traumatized for years!" Harry replied loudly, "I've been depressed and hurting for years and nobody has cared enough to notice! I don't know what to do, I can't lose my magic! My magic's the first good thing I had in my life and it led me to everything else that I have!"

"You won't lose it Mr. Potter, I'm here to help you. The fact that you're feeling ill is a wonderful sign!"

"How?! I thought you said that was a sign that my magic was lower because of my depression?!"

"Your magic's fighting to survive, your magic's trying to take care of you by making you know that you're not well. Not only physically, but emotionally. Usually when a witch or wizard starts falling so deep into a depression that their magic's effected they'll develop physically symptoms," Isla explained, "it's a warning to the witch or wizard that they need help. You're physically ill too with being underweight and being sleep deprived. Your body lets you know this by causing dizzy spells and making you feel weak."

Isla got up off the bed as Harry's panic attack seemed to have passed as he listened to her.

"Your body and mind know how to take care of you. Sometimes that means shutting down, or pushing people away until you're ready to let them in, but at the end of the day you need people to help you with your trauma and depression."

Harry understood where she was going with this, "most of the witches and wizards who lose their magic never had anyone, or could never let them in. You have people Mr. Potter, try to not make the mistake of not letting them into your world so they can help you."

Isla walked out of the room with Molly to advise her about what treatment would be best for Harry.

Harry sat in the bed trying to keep himself calm and sort through his thoughts.

After several moments of silence Hermione finally broke it;

"Harry, I know it must be hard after everything you've been through to let people in to help you with your feelings, but it's necessary-"

"To save my magic, I heard!" Harry snapped, "I know everyone would hate me and think I was useless without my magic! Bloody Hell, everyone already thinks that now-!"

"No Harry! I'm not saying it's necessary to save your magic because I think I speak for all of us when I say we'd love you anyway! It's necessary because you deserve to be happy and healthy! We want you to be happy because we love you! I love you Harry!"

Harry sat there without responding for a few moments, but then he asked, "have you ever heard of a wizard losing their magic due to depression or trauma?"

"Yes Harry, but not very often. Usually it's with people who don't have any family like Ms. Jones said, or people whose magic was suppressed by their abusers. People who never got to flourish with their life, never mind their magical abilities. The last case of someone losing their magic because of depression was seventy years ago."

"What about the Longbottoms? They lost their magic, didn't they?"

"No, I don't believe so," Hermione answered, "I think they lost their minds and their ability to function in society, but I don't think they lost their magic. Their magic may have been suppressed by medication though, to make sure they're safe for the staff."

"Harry my dear," Molly had entered the room, "I've contacted Professor Dumbledore and he's on his way. I can't make any decisions about your treatment because you aren't my charge. However, Professor Dumbledore has always taken care of your care so, I'm sure he'll know what's best for you."

This made Harry angry; Albus being in charge of his life had only led him to being abused and neglected by his relatives and losing the only person who loved him like a son. Albus had no idea what Harry needed and never had he ever asked Harry what he believed would be in his best interest.

What was that phrase he had heard? "In the best interest of the child?"

'Dumbledore has never acted in my best interest. How can an adult know what's in a child's best interest without even asking them?' Harry wondered bitterly.

Harry felt like this was Albus' biggest mistake with him, never asking him how he felt, what he wanted or what he thought he needed. He knew that not all children truly knew what they needed in certain cases, but it was still important to make sure the child's happy and healthy and give them some control. After all, it's their life, and it was supposes to be his.

Albus agreed with Harry, and didn't intend to make that same mistake again.

So, when Albus arrived at St. Mungo's at about five o' clock he was completely intending to speak to Harry alone about what he wanted to do next now that he knew what was causing him to feel so ill.

He went to Harry's private suite and asked Molly and Hermione to allow him to have some privacy with Harry.

This surprised Harry, "why do you want to speak with me alone Professor?"

"Well Harry, I want you to explain to me what Ms. Jones said."

"Didn't Mrs. Weasley explain everything?" Harry asked.

"Yes, but I'd like to hear it from you," Albus answered, sending Harry a smile.

"Ms. Jones said that my magic was weakening because of my physically and psychological state."

"And do you understand what that means?"

"Yes, it means I'm not physically well and that I'm depressed and it's effecting my magic," Harry sounded annoyed that Albus would ask him this, he felt like his headmaster must think he's stupid.

Albus knew this, "excuse me Harry, I wasn't trying to make you feel unintelligent. I just thought that you should say it aloud yourself. For that same reason, I'm going to ask you to tell me why you're depressed."

"Why should I tell you?! I already have to think about it all the time! Besides, you don't care-"

"On the contrary Harry, I care very much about you. More so than I probably should about a student, alas though you made it into my heart like you did with so many others. Molly, Ms. Granger and Ms. And Mr. Weasley are waiting outside to show their support."

"Mrs. Weasley has to be here because you left me in her care, and Ginny didn't even want to come! Mrs. Weasley made her."

"I'm sure that there's more to it than that, Ms. Weasley loves you too. That's why she went with you to save Sirius."

"She went because she loved him too, she told me so."

"Again, I believe there's more to it than that she loved both of you. Ms. Granger and Mr. Weasley cared deeply for Sirius too, but they went __for you__. Ms. Lovegood and Mr. Longbottom didn't know Sirius, but they still went. They did so because they loved __you__."

"I don't want to talk about this," Harry said.

"You must because that's the only way for you to be happy," Albus watched Harry for a few moments before continuing, "Harry, I know it's easier to tell yourself that the pain will go away if you ignore it, but believe me trying to ignore it or stop the trauma from surfacing will only make it worse for you. I know this personally, and so do you."

"You don't know what I know," Harry replied defiantly.

"I know that you feel like you'll bleed to death with the pain of it all," Albus repeated the words he had used in the office last month.

This didn't make Harry angry the way it had then, "I have to be strong, that's what everybody expects from me and the last thing I want to do is let anybody down! Sirius expected me to be strong, and the entire world has been calling me The Chosen One! Everyone's expecting me to be the hero and save the world!"

"Harry first of all, Sirius and everyone who loves you already know that you're strong. You're a hero Harry, whether the ministry and the rest of the world's saying so or not. Feeling depressed, afraid and alone are all normal reactions to have after everything."

"I need to be brave Professor! That's what everyone needs, it's what I need! I can't afford to cry and break down, I need to be The Chosen One because I don't have a choice!"

"You are brave Harry, you're the bravest person I've ever known. Being brave isn't about not being afraid, but rather being afraid and not letting that fear stop you from doing what's right. Or fighting for something, or someone that's important to you."

Albus was looking at Harry with complete sincerity, "do you think your Mom wasn't scared when she stood in front of your crib and died for you? She would've been terrified beyond belief, but she did what she had to to protect the one she loved most. You've always done that for your loved ones too Harry."

Harry had remained silent so Albus continued, "you've always protected us every way you can, but you don't need to protect us by putting up a brave front. Be honest about your feelings so we can help you the way you've always done for us. You've always hidden your feelings away to protect us, but we won't let you do that anymore. You can cry and scream freely, without having hide it because if you don't you'll explode."

"Crying and screaming hurts everyone, my pain hurts everyone and I don't want them to see that!"

"But they will because it always comes out Harry. It comes out as anger and hostility, it comes out as violence. You can't deny your emotions because you feel everything so deeply. Being brave, truly brave would be letting everyone know how you feel. Telling them you're hurting, but you're going to keep living your life anyway. You hurting isn't what hurts them, it's the fact that you've been hurt and that you're in pain. They want you to be happy, as you deserve to be."

Harry refused to cry in front of his headmaster so, he looked away and took deep breaths trying to calm down.

"Harry, I'm proud of you," Albus told him, " _ _because__ you feel everything. We know you're strong __because__ you feel everything despite being through so much. You've survived despite the odds, and you've never given up or been tempted by the darkness. That's what makes you The Chosen One."

Albus left once he realized that Harry had no response to what he said. However, he made sure to let Harry know that he was just in the waiting room when he was ready to talk to him.

Harry laid in his bed thinking about what Albus said. Despite not saying anything, and not really feeling any better Albus' words had broken through Harry's traumatized mind a little. His words had let Harry know that the voices in his head were wrong, and Albus and the others that loved him would keep saying these things until Harry realized they were true.

It was about seven o' clock when Harry finally asked Isla to bring Albus back in.

"What do you need Harry?" He asked, a big grin on his face as he was glad that Harry was reaching out.

"You original came to talk about my treatment plan, right?"

"Yes Harry, that was original why, but I'm most importantly here for whatever you need. I'm listening to what you feel you need and what you want. I'm here to listen to what you believe to be in your best interest, the way I should have all along."

"Thanks, that means a lot," Harry meant it, but he still sounded depressed and it broke Albus' heart, but he went on.

"So, Ms. Jones believes that getting a psychological healer would be the best option for you. Everyone else agrees and many of the people who love you have been telling me for years that I should have sent you to one years ago. As someone who also cares about you, I must say I agree."

"Tonks said a psychological healer is like a therapist, is that true?"

"If a therapist is someone who helps someone cope with trauma and depression by talking with them about their experiences, then yes. A psychological healer is like a therapist."

"I don't really feel keen to talk to a stranger about my feelings when I can barely talk to the people I trust about them!" Harry replied, already getting irritated with the idea.

"I know Harry, but will you please consider it? Or tell me what else you want to do instead?" Albus hoped Harry would consider it and decide to at least meet with one.

"I'll think about it," Harry finally answered after a few moments.

Albus beamed at him, "I'm glad to hear that. Would you like your friends to come in and see you?"

"No, I just want to sleep."

"Harry, shutting down isn't the answer-"

"I'm just tired, alright?! I want to get some rest!" Harry snapped, annoyed that Albus was reading right through him.

"You do need to rest Harry and it's completely normal to shut down, just please don't shut us out."

With that Albus walked to the door and before closing it said;

"Good night Harry, I hope you sleep well tonight."

Harry snorted, 'as if I'll ever get a good nights sleep when my sleep's full of nightmares.'

He laid awake for several minutes, 'maybe seeing a psychological healer would help my nightmares.'

'Or maybe it would just prove to everyone how weak you are,' the cruel voice countered.

This time however, another voice came up into Harry's mind;

" _ _Harry, I'm proud of you__ ** _ **because**_** _ _you feel everything. We know you're strong__ ** _ **because**_** _ _you feel everything despite being through so much."__

This was the last voice Harry heard before falling asleep, and despite not stopping him from having nightmares it seemed to at least make them a little easier.

 _This chapter is a little longer than the others, but t_ _he next couple chapters will be shorter than my usual approx 5, 000 words. I know it has been a slow beginning, but soon the kids head back to Hogwarts and the story will really pick up! These chapters are just introducing some things that will be important later in the plot. I hope you're still enjoying my story!_

 _Please, review to let me know what you think, and thanks for reading/following!_


	8. Chapter 8 - The Article

_Author's Note: During my last chapter I introduced an idea that I wasn't sure you guys would like, with Harry's depression affecting his magic and therefore making him ill._

 _It was an idea that I drew from another character in Harry Potter, and I just put out there and I hope that you guys liked it._

 _This chapter introduces another idea that will be more relevant later in the plot. It's another one of my ideas that I'm throwing out there and hoping that you enjoy!_

 _Please review if you'd like as it's great to hear your thoughts on my story and they have all been very positive and make my day, as well as being great confidence boosters!_

It was Sunday, July 28th 1996; Harry had woken up feeling pretty good. He had gone to find Isla, but he only found Olivia who he had briefly met the day before. He got his friends to join him for breakfast and they sat and talked for several minutes. Hermione and Ron both felt like Harry was sounding better, and maybe like he was leaning towards getting a psychological healer, but this wouldn't last long.

A lady came in and asked them if they wanted a copy of the paper, to which Harry replied yes, but quickly wished he hadn't.

 _ ** **The Chosen One Falls Ill; Harry Potter's Hidden Depression****_

 _ ** **By Rita Skeeter****_

Hermione saw the title and immediately tried to grab the paper, but Harry pushed her away.

"I want to read it!" He told her.

"It'll be rubbish Harry, it won't have any truth to it at all and it'll cause you to regress!" She tried arguing, but Ron stepped in.

"He has to read it Hermione, or he'll do nothing but wonder what it said."

Hermione relented and Harry started reading the paper out loud.

 _ _At nearly 16 years old Harry Potter has been through a lot, no one can deny this sad, but true fact. However, the brave young man who has always seemed so together and so brave may be suffering from the painful experiences of his life more than he has let on.__

 _ _A very reliable source from St. Mungo's told me that early yesterday morning one of Harry's caretakers, Mrs. Molly Weasley who has acted like a Mother to Harry during the last few years, came to St. Mungo's in a nervous state telling the healers that Harry had fallen ill with a fever and had apparently nearly fainted that day. St. Mungo's of course, sent a healer immediately to help the sick teenager.__

 _ _When the healer, who I've spoken to personally, got to the Weasley residence where Harry was being kept she found a depressing sight. The young man looked like he hadn't slept in months and was very underweight as if he had been starving himself. He did indeed have a high fever, but more than that; His friends said that he had been secretly suffering from depression for the last four years, at the very least!__

 _ _No one can deny that Harry has his share to be depressed about, but it was still heartbreaking to hear. Harry's ex-girlfriend, and possible current one as she was very protective of him during the meeting, Ms. Hermione Granger gave the healer a scoop.__

" _ _His depression started in second year, that was the first time we noticed," the almost 17 year old girl said as she sat on the bed beside Harry, "it was while everyone thought he was the heir of Slytherin. He also became very depressed last year when the ministry was isolating him."__

 _ _Hermione also shared with us that Harry had always felt alone, never truly trusting anyone, even and maybe most especially his friends.__

" _ _He has always had to cope with his trauma alone, and last year was exceptionally hard after you-know-who returned."__

 _ _Doesn't this just break your hearts? The barely 16 year old boy has been through so much; As if his parents being murdered in front of him wasn't enough, Harry has been through several more traumatic experiences since arriving to Hogwarts.__

 _ _In his first year at Hogwarts Harry knowingly went to stop you-know-who from getting the Sorcerer's Stone, which the headmaster, Albus Dumbledore had hidden in the school. Where was the headmaster? Sources tell us that he was lured out of the school on the night you-know-who was planning on taking the stone, and after Harry and his friends, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley found this out they had tried to alert a teacher. The three kids sadly, were blown off and reassured that the life restoring stone was safe. Harry, knowing that this wasn't the case decided to go after you-know-who himself and as we all know, came out on top once again! Stopping him from returning to a living body for the first time, but it wasn't the last.__

 _ _In second year, when he was accused of being the heir of Slytherin, The Chamber of Secrets was reopened. Ginny Weasley, his best friends little sister had fallen prey to you-know-who through a diary of his that she found during her first year. She ended up being taken by The Chamber of Secrets legendary creature into the chamber itself, and Harry being the brave hero he is went to save her. He stopped you-know-who from returning once more, saved the girl and killed the basilisk that Salazar Slytherin had kept in the chamber.__

 _ _In his third year, Sirius Black came after him and it ended in an attempted and thankfully, failed murder attempt, but that was nothing compared to his fourth year, when he was entered into The Triwizard Tournament and unknowingly sent to his worst nightmare. Harry struggled with romantic problems (with the previously mentioned Hermione Granger, see my previous articles for reference!) as well as trying to survive in a tournament designed for 17 year old students. The 14 year old made it through with flying colours though, and upon the third task he found himself in you-know-who's grasp once again, while watching one of his friends and fellow champions, Cedric Diggory die at the revived Dark Wizards hands.__

 _ _Last year, the young man had to cope with ridicule from everyone in the wizarding world, as well as suspected abuse from Dolores Umbridge who was appointed secretary, and eventually headmaster of the school.__

 _ _These traumatizing events are no doubt what's causing his depression.__

 _ _The healer from St. Mungo's said that Harry's reaction to being told that he had to go there was absolutely heartbreaking.__

" _ _I don't want to go! I don't need everyone knowing how weak I am!"__

 _ _Those words are enough to tear the rest of your heart apart, but when reminded that his parents would want him to go he continued;__

" _ _I haven't gotten any parents! My Mom and Dad are dead and I have no one!"__

 _ _Harry is apparently staying at St. Mungo's on a seventy-hour health watch to ensure he eats and to see if he'll see a psychological healer.__

 _ _Harry, I think I speak for everyone in the wizarding world when I say that no one thinks you're weak for hurting after everything you've been through. Our hearts go out to you and your friends Harry as you go through this hard time. We hope you get help for your depression and PTSD.__

 _ _By Rita Skeeter.__

"Wow," Harry said once he had finished, "a nine hundred and sixteen word long article about my depression and how I'm getting help."

Hermione and Ron could hear the dangerous tone in his voice as he threw the paper and got out of bed.

"Harry, what are you doing?" Hermione asked as he pulled his sweater on.

"I'm going to find her," he answered before leaving the hospital room.

"Find who?" Hermione and Ron followed him quickly, not sure what he intended to do or say when he did find her, but knowing it wouldn't be good.

"That Isla Jones snitch," Harry hissed in response, "she's the one that talked to Skeeter."

"I had a bad feeling about the woman the second she stepped into your room at home," Ron seemed to be in the same angry mindset as Harry.

So was Hermione, but she was using her head, "what are you going to do when you find her?"

"I've got no idea, but I'll figure something out."

"Harry wait!" Hermione put her hand on his arm, but they had already reached the desk.

"Where is she?" Harry asked Olivia.

"Where's who?" She answered, smiling innocently.

"Isla Jones, the one that gave Skeeter this story," Ron put the paper on the desk in front of her.

"Oh, she left for family business."

Harry groaned, "great! She has some explaining to do, I'm so pissed off."

"We'll bring it up to the director Harry, she can't actually do that. It's breaking confidentiality laws," Hermione comforted, "she'll get fired and everything will be okay."

"Everyone knows Hermione!" He snapped, "nothing's going to be okay now! Not now that everyone knows!"

"It will be okay, we'll take care of this," she tried to reassure him again.

"What's going on?" Ginny, who had been in the waiting room still had gotten up and walked over to them, but none of them noticed her.

"How? You think the director will listen to a group of kids?" Harry asked.

"We'll talk to Professor Dumbledore," Ron answered, "get him to talk to the director."

"What happened?!" Ginny raised her voice slightly to grab their attention.

Ron grabbed the paper from on Olivia's desk and threw it to his sister.

The four teenagers walked back to Harry's hospital room. Ginny sat at the end of the bed while she read the paper. After the couple minutes it took her to read it she was furious.

"She can't do that, go talk to Skeeter like that! I hope she gets fired!" Ginny said angrily.

"I'm sure she will, but right now we need to worry about more important things," Hermione replied, "like getting Harry better and finding him a psychological healer-"

"You think I'm getting one now?! After one just went and sold me out for a good article?!" Harry was angry that Hermione would even suggest him going forward with getting a psychological healer after what Isla Jones did.

"Harry, they won't all do that," she reassured, "I'm sure Professor Dumbledore will make sure that you find one that's got integrity. You should at least talk to him about all this before completely shutting down to the idea."

"Isla said she was there to help me, but all she wanted was to get close enough to get some dirt on me! How can I be open to the idea when I know that they don't really want to help me?!"

"Ms. Jones was one bad healer, they won't all be like that! There are good healers, good people out there that actually want to help you, and I know it's hard, but you need to take the chance of letting them in so they can help you. I very much believe that you should-"

"Hermione, drop it! I'm not interested in you pressuring me to do something I don't want to do! I took a chance by coming here for help and I had even begun to think that a psychological healer might help me, but then this happened and now I know that I was right all along!"

"But Harry, you weren't! You're just feeling hurt and angry and I understand why, but y"

"You don't understand! None of you do!"

Hermione had opened her mouth to respond, but Ginny spoke first;

"I understand Harry. I know why you don't want to get a psychological healer and I understand how you feel completely. It can be hard to open up and tell someone, especially a stranger how you feel, and until you're ready you won't be able to get help."

Harry smiled, "thanks Gin, at least __you__ seem to be listening to me."

This hurt Hermione and she quietly got up and left the room, leaving Ginny and Harry sitting on the bed together. Ginny crawled up to sit beside him the way Hermione usually did, and began talking to him. Ron watched this all unfold and awkwardly stepped out to go see Hermione.

He found her when she walked out of the washrooms, wiping her eyes.

"Hermione," he began awkwardly.

He and Hermione had never been good with words when it came to each other. They were complete opposites and fought a lot, and despite others thinking they fought because of chemistry those people couldn't be more wrong. Ron fought with Hermione the same way he fought with Ginny, they could barely get along at the best of times.

However, during the worst of time they were best friends and this was proven when Hermione walked over to Ron and wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his chest.

"I try to understand him Ron, I really do," she cried, "I don't know how to help him so, I try to listen, but I don't know how he feels. I've never been through what he has gone through, I've just watched his pain and it has killed me. I know I may sound selfish, but I love him."

"I know Hermione," he patted her back awkwardly, "I don't understand either, but all we can do is listen and be there for him, and try to understand the best we can. I love him too, we all do. On the other hand though, I don't think any of us love him like you do, am I right?"

Hermione pulled away and looked up at him unable to answer the question. She put her head back down into his chest after a couple moments and continued crying.

And Ron knew that he was right, so he wrapped his arms around her and told her Harry would be okay. That they would get through this the way they had gotten through everything; together.

Ginny's laugh was mixed in with Harry's, as they sat crossed legged on the bed facing each other.

"I remember that! Fred and George got into a lot of trouble at Hogwarts, didn't they? I remember hearing when they tried sending you a toilet seat."

"Oh yeah, that was in first year after Hermione, Ron and I went after the stone," Harry's voice, that had been filled with glee went back to sounding depressed.

Ginny sensed this so she said, "remember last month when they lit up Umbridge?"

Harry laughed again, "yeah, that was by far the best thing they've ever done."

The two teenagers smiled at each other; Harry liked that Ginny was finally more comfortable with him and that she could make him laugh despite how upset he had been just a few minutes ago.

Ginny was thinking the same thing, 'Hermione couldn't make him feel better like this.'

'She doesn't deserve him, but you do. You're the only one that could handle being with him.'

Ginny smiled at her internal thought from the new voice because she completely agreed with it. She was best for Harry, she had been a victim of Voldemort too and she knew how it felt to be isolated and sometimes even, neglected by her family and friends.

Ginny's smile faltered however, when Harry stopped laughing and looked behind her. She turned to see Hermione and her brother walking into the room.

She was practically growling as she said, "have you come back to upset him again Hermione?"

Hermione was taken aback by this because she had in fact, been coming to apologize to Harry for pushing him. After her and Ron had some time to talk she realized it might be better to let Harry control his treatment, and how fast he lets people in. After all, he'd never had much control over his life before.

"Gin-!" Ron started raising his voice to set his little sister straight, but Hermione put her hand on his chest.

"Ron don't," she turned to Ginny, "I suppose I deserved that, but I actually came back to apologize."

"I don't think Harry wants to hear your apology," Ginny replied, getting up off the bed.

However, Harry had gotten off the bed too and walked past Ginny to embrace Hermione.

"I accept your apology, I'm sorry a snapped at you. I know it's not an excuse, but I just feel so angry all the time."

Hermione returned the hug and smiled, "I understand why you snapped at me Harry, I understand why you're angry. Not personally, but I try to understand the best I can. I never meant to pressure you, I just can't stand to see you in so much pain because I care about you so much."

Hermione and Harry had stopped hugging and Harry said, "I know Hermione, and I love that you care so much even though I know I don't deserve it. I don't think I could do this without you, I love you Hermione. You're my best friend... you, and Ron."

"Aw," Ron laughed and put his arm around Harry's shoulders.

The three teenagers shared an awkward group hug while Ginny stood behind them, strange feelings stirring inside of her chest.

Was it pain? Anger? Jealousy? Maybe it was all three, but either way she couldn't stand being there so, she silently slipped out of the room.

She sat in the hallway for a few minutes trying to keep herself together, upon realizing she wasn't able to she ran to the Floo Network within the hospital and went to her home.

"Ginny dear, why aren't you at the hospital with Harry?" Molly asked, as she had been at home cooking a meal to bring to the hospital for him so, he wouldn't have to eat the unsatisfying hospital food too much.

"I'll be in my room," she replied in a slightly angry tone, ignoring her Mother's question.

"What's wrong?" Molly asked again, noticing her daughter's strange behaviour.

"Nothing! I just want to be left alone for a while, alright?!" Ginny ran up the stairs to her room and slammed the door, before throwing herself down on her bed and letting the tears fall.


	9. Chapter 9 - Birthday Surprises

_Finally, a happy chapter for you guys! The next two chapters will be more fluffy, a nice break from the depressing aura that's around Harry right now. I hope that the story isn't too depressing, I'm only trying to show how people, especially children feel when they get hurt. I feel like JK Rowling only touched slightly on the pain that Harry would undoubtingly feel after everything that he had been through. However, even when someone's struggling with pain, they have good times and people that remind them to keep living and fighting!_

The next two days seemed to go on and on for Harry and his friends. Hermione and Ron stayed by his side, while Ginny remained at home or in the waiting room.

No more talk of a psychological healer was brought up and the only other visitor to Harry's room was Molly with home made food and the occasional healer to check Harry's progress with his weight.

St. Mungo's had kept him there despite him refusing to see a psychological healer because they wanted to monitor his eating for a couple days, and they had given him strict instructions to continue up with his eating when he went back to the burrow. They also told him to talk to his friends about his feelings, and to come back when he changed his mind about seeing a psychological healer. So, Harry spent those two days smiling and agreeing with what they were saying, despite not really intending to follow the instructions or talk about his feelings because truth be told, he didn't care. He didn't think he was worth anything after everything that had happened, especially since Sirius' death.

July 30th 1996; On that sunny Tuesday morning at ten o' clock, Harry was getting dressed and ready to finally return to the burrow. He felt happy about going back, but also couldn't help wondering why no one else had come to visit him. He had expected Arthur, Remus and even other members of the Order to come see him, but he also wasn't surprised when they didn't.

'They probably hate me, it's my fault Sirius died and if they didn't think I was pathetic before, they definitely think I'm pathetic now if they've seen that paper,' he thought to himself sadly.

He was still reeling from that paper being published, and he felt ashamed of himself and anxious about what people thought about him. After spending the last five years, especially the last two in the spotlight, he was starting to feel differently about his fame. He used to hate it and not really care about what others thought, but after everything he found that he couldn't help caring a little. However, he was still more concerned about his lack of visitors than the paper.

Unbeknownst to Harry, the reason why he hadn't gotten visitors was because the Order, Arthur and Remus included had been busy planning and trying their best to follow the directions of Molly and Hermione who had gotten an idea of something that they hoped would cheer Harry up, even if it was just for a day.

"Come on Harry, it's time to go," Hermione had come into the room, smiling at him.

Harry couldn't help returning it, "I'm ready, I'm ready. Let's go, I can't wait to get back."

He picked up his stuff and followed Hermione out, meeting Ron in the waiting room.

"You ready to get out of here?" Ron asked.

"Yeah, for sure. I don't want to spend another second in this place," Harry replied.

The teenagers used the Floo Network to get back to the burrow. The network at the hospital had been strictly monitored by the ministry and the Order because of Harry's presence. It wasn't like security hadn't been improved already, but everyone was in more danger when Harry was there.

"Hi Mom," Ron greeted when they walked out of the fireplace, one at a time.

Harry and Hermione greeted Molly and she came out of the kitchen and gave Harry a hug the way she always did.

During their embrace Hermione was watching Ginny. She had been sitting on the couch reading a book, but she quickly got up and went upstairs to her room. Hermione was just about to follow her when Harry asked her where she was going.

"I was just-" she started answering, but upon seeing the look on Harry's face she knew he needed her with him.

So, Hermione stayed with Harry instead of checking on Ginny. This didn't go unnoticed by her friend, but neither of them managed to speak that day, and Ginny didn't really care. She knew that Harry needed help more than she did so, she let it go. She didn't want anything to upset Harry, especially before tomorrow.

The first day back to the burrow pasted quickly; Harry went up to bed at about nine o' clock and he had believed that the others had gone to bed too. Everyone, but Ginny who had returned to her bedroom right after dinner, was still awake though and they were downstairs putting the finishing touches on the day for tomorrow.

Harry slept in that morning and upon waking up decided that he'd have a shower before going down to eat breakfast.

After his shower he walked out of the bathroom, which was adjoined to the twins room, rubbing his hair with a towel. He threw the towels down onto his trunk and was just about to leave the room when suddenly;

The doors to the closet opened and two people jumped out, "happy birthday!" The people screamed in a cheerful voice, but it was too late.

Harry had swung around with fear and had instinctually punched one of the people in the face, sending the person back into the closet where they stumbled and fell over the boxes of pranks in there. None of the jokes did anything, but the person got up holding his nose while the other laughed.

"Oh my God, that was an amazing swing Harry!"

"I'm sorry Fred," Harry rushed over to the twin who hadn't yet said anything, while George continued laughing.

"It's okay, remind me to never jump out at you like that again," Fred said in a muffled voice as he held his nose, "George was right, that was a good punch."

"I'm sorry," Harry apologized again, but he was reassured that it was alright.

"What are you guys doing in here anyway?" He asked, looking at the twins who seemed better dressed than usual.

"This is our room man," George answered.

"Well yeah, I know that, but I didn't know you guys were coming back. Do you need me to go share Ron's room? I don't mind-"

"No Harry, we're just visiting for your birthday," George told him, "we just came in here because Mom told us to come wake you up. It was Fred's bright idea to hide in the closet when he heard you getting out of the shower, I told him it might not be a good idea, but he insisted and I've got to say it was funny seeing him get punched in the face by a shrimp like you."

Fred punched his brother's arm and George pushed him back playfully. Harry watched their playful fighting and couldn't help feeling a little better. Fred and George always were able to make him laugh during hard times, but right now what was making Harry feel better was just the fact that he loved seeing the people he loved smiling, and the twins were always smiling. Just their presence made him feel better.

"What time is it?" Harry asked, smiling at the twins and sitting down on the bed.

"It's about nine o' clock, you've slept quite a lot," George replied, "but we all know about your nightmares, that's why we let you sleep. Come outside now though, you don't want to keep your audience waiting."

Fred and George walked out of their room quickly, while Harry asked;

"My audience? What the Hell are you guys talking about?" He got up and grabbed a light sweater and then his wand before following them.

The twins went straight outside where Molly noticed Fred's nose and walked over to him, "what happened?"

"Fred got the bright idea to hide in the closet and Harry punched him in the face," George explained and Fred glared at him.

"You did it too!"

"What are you, five year olds?" Molly asked in an annoyed tone.

"Ouch, that's harsh," Fred gave an exaggerated pout and went to say something back to his Mother, but it was at this time that Harry had walked outside.

"Guys, what are you-"

What Harry saw made him smiled, "happy birthday Harry!"

Everybody yelled it as soon as they saw him, and everybody literally meant everybody because it hadn't just been Molly and the twins outside.

The twins, Molly and Hermione, Ron and Ginny were the first people he saw, but they weren't the only ones there.

Hermione walked over and embraced him and as he put his arms around her waist he looked around to see who else was there.

Arthur was standing beside Molly who was still reprimanding the twins. Remus had been sitting beside Tonks at a picnic table and he got up and walked towards Harry, beaming at him.

Harry noticed Remus' smile and smiled back, while noticing that Moody and Kingsley were also sitting at the table, with Bill and Charlie too. Fleur was there as well, holding onto Bill's arm.

"Happy birthday Harry," Remus smiled, "I know Sirius would've been here if he could."

Remus hugged Harry, and Hermione reluctantly let go of him so Harry could hug him back.

She and Ron however, saw Harry's expression drop and they could swear it looked like tears were threatening to fall.

"We'll talk in a few," Remus said as he could tell everyone else wanted a chance to wish him a happy birthday too.

He went back to sitting beside Tonks, who turned to smile and speak with him while trying to hold his hand. He pulled away though and Harry noticed all of this;

'Wonder what's going on there,' he thought to himself as he walked towards the others.

"Happy birthday Harry," Molly said, embracing him and then letting her husband do the same.

Hermione stood off to the side, smiling and watching Harry's happy expression. Ron came up beside her;

"It's good to see him smile, isn't it?" He asked.

"I feel like I haven't gotten a lot of opportunities to see his smile lately," Hermione answered.

Ron didn't say anything else, but stood beside Hermione watching his best friend talk to his Father.

"Happy birthday Harry! You boys are growing up so fast," Arthur seemed to be getting sentimental as he looked around at his sons and then back to Harry.

"Stop growing, or I'm not going to have any boys left!" Arthur was saying.

Harry laughed and felt touched at Arthur's words. Molly pulled her husband away to help her with something and allow Harry to sit down.

Harry absentmindedly held out his hand for Hermione and she took it without a thought, letting him walked her over to the picnic table.

There was one long picnic table, and there was another table of to the side with presents on it. A large canopy was over the area, like a gazebo.

Harry sat down beside Remus, and Hermione sat down beside him at the head of the table. Ron sat beside Hermione, across from Harry and also beside Hagrid who exclaimed;

"Happy birthday Harry!" With a big smile, Harry smiled back and thanked him before noticing the lady beside him.

"Happy birthday Potter," the usually stern Transfiguration teacher was smiling from ear to ear.

"Thank you Professor McGonagall, and thanks Hagrid."

At this time Molly rushed over, putting a plate of breakfast in front of Harry.

"There you go Dear, eat up," she said, "everyone else has already had breakfast when they arrived a couple hours ago."

"I'm sorry," Harry felt guilty for making them wait for him to wake up, "I didn't know or else I would've woken up earlier and not kept you guys waiting."

"It's a surprise party Harry, we didn't want you to know," Hermione smiled and touched his arm gently, "now eat your food so we can party."

He did as he was told with a smile, talking to everyone while he ate.

 _ _(This is just to give you an idea of where everyone's sitting, you can skip this if you think it's unnecessary)__ There were seventeen people sitting at the table; Hermione sat at the head of the table, with Harry sitting on her right and Ron sitting on her left. On the right side of the table beside Harry __(In this order)__ sat Remus, Tonks, Moody, Kingsley, Charlie, Bill and Fleur. On the left __(beside Ron, in this order)__ sat Hagrid, Professor McGonagal, Fred and George, Ginny, Molly and then Arthur. The head of the table across from Hermione was empty.

Harry hadn't thought anything of Hermione's touch, he never did and she never thought anything of it when he touched her. They barely even noticed, but Remus did.

Remus had noticed how after Hermione had hugged Harry he had kept his arm around her waist and how Hermione had seemed reluctant to let go of Harry when he had mentioned Sirius and hugged him. Remus noticed how she touched him instinctively and lovingly without even realizing. He smiled to himself as he continued to watch and notice how Hermione watched Harry and smiled while he laughed and talked with the others. He thought for a moment, how Hermione's behaviour wasn't much different than Lily's when James finally stopped being a prat and she fell for him. He wondered if Hermione was in love with Harry, and if so how Harry felt for her.

"What are you thinking about?" Tonks asked in a hushed voice.

"Nothing, just something that isn't even my business," Remus answered.

"Whatever concerns Harry is your business, you're the closest thing he has to his parents now. You need to have that talk with him."

"I'm not sure if Harry will agree with it, or accept it."

"Agree and accept what?" Harry, who was sitting right beside the two and had been previously talking with Hagrid about Buckbeak, had heard the last thing Remus had said.

"Um, it's nothing Harry," Remus replied nervously.

"No, it's not nothing. You said you weren't sure if I'd agree or accept something, what was it?"

"We'll talk later, okay?"

Harry nodded and continued eating his food. When he was done Molly took his plate and the others who hadn't wished Harry a happy birthday took the chance.

"Happy birthday Harry," Moody said in his gruffly voice, "good job on that swing, it was foolish for the twins to try to sneak up on you like that, but it's good that you reacted quickly. I wouldn't have blamed you if you had used your wand."

Harry smiled and his face went a little red with embarrassment, "thanks, I didn't realize it was him and I'm kind of glad I didn't attack him. I would've blasted him into next week."

"I'm sure you would have," Moody replied with a laugh.

"Uh, uh we could totally take you on Potter," Fred had overheard and had stood up from the table, "anytime, anywhere!"

His twin laughed, "sit down Fred, you wouldn't last five minutes against Harry."

"I resent that remark! I could take Harry down with one spell."

"He took you down with one punch," Ginny said, it had been the first time she had said anything since Harry had come down.

Everyone at the table laughed, even Professor McGonagal had a little smile despite not condoning violet, competitive behavior.

"Come on Harry, let's go!" Fred was excited as he teased Harry, it was all in good fun and Harry had a joking tone in his voice when he replied.

"Fred, you're so lucky that I can't do magic outside of school, or else you'd be back in the 1970's with my Dad and Sirius because that's how far I'd blast you back in time."

The eighteen year old twins laughed at the somewhat lame joke and Fred sat back down, while Professor McGonagall was groaning;

"Fred and George in the 1970's with your Father and Black? Oh God, I would've quit my job!"

The adults at the table laughed, "I imagine you would have! Those boys were nuts!"

Remus turned to Moody who had made that remark and laughed, "we weren't that bad!"

"Yes, you were! I remember!"

"You knew my Dad and Sirius at school?" Harry asked, intrigued and wanting to know what his mentors relationship with his Father was.

"I sure did, I was in my third or fourth year when they all started Hogwarts. I became a prefect in my fifth year, I became Head Boy in my seventh and I kid you not Harry those three years were spent chasing them around the school."

Harry laughed and Moody told him some stories about all the bad pranks The Mauraders committed during their school years. Professor McGonagall, Remus and Kingsley piped in every now and again.

This was how the morning went, laughing and joking and playing with each other. Telling stories of Harry's parents and Sirius, and eventually telling stories of their own years at Hogwarts.

Molly and Arthur told stories of when they were in school in the sixties, and Tonks told them about the pranks she pulled when she was in school, which was just before Harry started. Many of these were pranks Professor McGonagal didn't know about and was surprised to find out;

"You're lucky you never got caught and that you weren't in my house!" She said a couple times.

It was about noon when Molly decided it was time to start lunch, and she pulled Hermione, Ginny and Fleur away with her to help.

"Harry dear, Professor Dumbledore will be joining us and so will a couple more of your friends," she told him before disappearing into the house.

Harry wondered who these other friends were, and was excited and anxious about the entire situation. Having everyone around celebrating his birthday was so unreal for him, and all the guest hadn't even arrived yet! He couldn't believe how many people wanted to celebrate his birthday with him and how the most important members of the Order had taken time away from their mission, and also their jobs to spend the day with him.

It made him feel... loved.


	10. Chapter 10 - Birthday Surprises: Part 2

Harry felt happy as he sat there with the people he cared about surrounding him. These were people that he didn't think had any reason to care about him, yet here they were taking time out of their busy and crazy lives to make sure he had one day of joy. They wanted him to know that he wasn't alone anymore.

They had achieved what they had wanted and despite knowing it wouldn't last long, they were glad that at least for the moment Harry was smiling and laughing with everyone else.

It had been Hermione's idea to throw him a surprise birthday party and everyone had immediately jumped at the idea. She had written to everyone and asked them to come and not a single person didn't RSVP saying they couldn't make it.

She had even written to all of Harry's other friends from school; Dean and Seamus, but most importantly Neville and even against her own wishes, Luna.

Neville and Luna had been surprised to get an invitation. They hadn't thought they were really friends of Harry's despite caring a lot about him. They were both "misfits" and believed that they weren't good enough to be his friend, especially Neville who had very low self esteem and was only now beginning to think of himself as someone that was worth something. As for Luna, she was always excluded because she was different so, she wasn't used to having any friends. She didn't mind though, at least that's what she tried to make everyone believe.

"So Potter, you got an Exceeds Expectations in my class," Professor McGonagall said while they were sitting waiting for lunch and the other guest.

"Yeah, I did!" Harry smiled, "I was really nervous that I wouldn't get it. I studied very hard after our talk."

"Yeah, that was two months of Hell," Ron piped in, "you were acting as bad as Hermione."

Harry rolled his eyes, "and what were your OWL results?"

"I only failed Divination and History of Magic, but they don't really matter. I got Exceeds Expectations on everything, but Herbology and Astronomy."

"That's great Ron!" Harry smiled at his friend, "we did alright then, we both got seven OWLs."

"That's more than the twins got together," Arthur added, a comment which Fred didn't appreciate.

"Hey, we both got Charms and Defence Against the Dark Arts, and I got Transfiguration, which is a lot more useful than George's Herbology!" Fred exclaimed.

George ignored the last piece of his twin brothers comment, but did verbally agree with him about how they had at least passed Defence Against the Dark Arts and Charms.

"Defence Against the Dark Arts is the subject we need most now anyway," he had said.

He had indeed failed Transfiguration, but that wasn't a big deal to him because he had always been more interested in Herbology and he had gotten an Exceeds Expectations in the subject. Despite Fred's disinterest in the subject George had always enjoyed it. It was the other way around for Fred with Transfiguration. These were the only subjects that the twins hadn't taken together while they were at Hogwarts.

"You guys only got three OWL's each?" Harry asked.

This surprised him because he knew that the twins were very smart, despite the way they tried to downplay it. He had always believed that this was the real reason that Molly got so angry with them. She thought that they were wasting their intelligence and potential.

"Yeah, but it's cool," Fred answered, "we got what we needed and now we're doing great."

"I still believe you should have stayed in school to finish your NEWTs," Professor McGonagall mentioned, "but either way, your shop seems to be doing quite well."

"It is, everyone needs some pranks and laughs, especially in these times."

"We need to go there before school starts!" Harry said excitedly, "we should go when we get our books for school."

Ron agreed and Harry thought about how awesome it'd be to see what he had helped the twins accomplish, not to mention how amazing the products were bound to be. He couldn't wait to buy some pranks and try them out when he and Ron got back to school.

'If only Sirius was here,' the depressing thought popped into his head quickly and he shook it off the best he could.

However, even though Harry was happy he couldn't ignore the sinking feeling that had been caused by the thought. Depression, trauma and guilt didn't take a break even during special occasions.

"Hey Harry!" He heard someone yell his name so he looked behind him and saw Dean and Seamus waving as they walked towards the table from the front gate of the Burrow.

"Hey guys!" Harry got up from the table to greet his friends, "thanks for coming."

"No problem man, happy birthday!" Dean put a present on top of the present table.

"This is from me and Dean," Seamus said nervously.

"Thanks, you guys didn't need to get me anything," Harry replied before leading his friends over to the table, and sitting back down.

Harry and Seamus' relationship still hadn't returned to how it had been before Voldemort's return. The reason for this was that Seamus had been one of the people who

hadn't believe him, and this had hurt him more than he let on.

Arthur waved his wand and made the table a little longer so the two boys could sit beside Harry. Dean sat closest to him, while Seamus sat between Dean and Remus.

Remus felt slightly awkward sitting beside his old students, who he hadn't seen since before they knew about his condition.

"Hello Professor Lupin!" Seamus held out his hand, and Remus accepted the handshake.

"Hello Mr. Finnigan," he noticed how neither of the boys seemed to be flinching away or looking at him with disgust, and that made him feel less nervous.

"How are you? I didn't know Harry stayed in touch," Seamus asked.

"Yeah, I did because he's actually an old friend of my Father's and we got pretty close during third year," Harry explained.

"I noticed that," Dean said, "you were always hanging out with him when we went to Hogsmeade trips and taking those lessons with him. Professor Lupin, is it true that you're the one that taught Harry the Patronus charm?"

"Yes, it is," Remus replied, "it's a quite difficult charm to master, but I heard that he taught it to you guys during the DA meetings and you all learned quite well."

"Yeah, he did and it was very hard, but he's a great teacher just like you were."

"I was sorry to see you go at the end of third year. Dean and I both wish you had stayed," Seamus added, and Remus felt touched by the boys comments.

"Why thank you boys. That means a lot to me."

Seamus and Dean smiled before turning to Harry and starting a conversation about Quidditch. Ron quickly joined into the conversation and the four boys became quite immersed in the conversation, not paying any attention to the conversations of the adults around them.

"See Remus? They don't care about what you are and neither do I," Tonks said quietly.

"Not here Tonks, let's just enjoy Harry's birthday and we can talk about this later."

She looked annoyed by this response, but nonetheless she let the subject drop, at least for the time being. After a couple awkward minutes she got up and went inside to help the other girls with preparing lunch.

Lunch was far from Harry's mind as he sat there with his friends and talked about Quidditch teams and the year ahead of them. He invested himself in the conversation and tried his best to ignore his anxiety at seeing Luna and Neville again as he felt like their injuries, no matter how mild, had been his fault.

Ron was the one that noticed when Luna and Neville arrived.

"Hey Harry, they're here."

Harry got up and quickly walked over the them because he wanted to talk to them for a few minutes before they all went to join the others.

"Hey guys, thanks for coming."

"Hi Harry!" Neville smiled at him widely, "thanks for inviting us! I really didn't expect to get an invitation-"

"Hermione sent all the invitations, I didn't know anything about it, but I'm glad you're here. I don't know why you wouldn't be invited, you're one of our best friends."

"Thanks Harry," Neville felt awkward, but happy hearing this comment.

Neville had always hoped to be Harry's friend, but with his grandmother's behaviour towards him always making him feel like he was never good enough, he had a hard time believing he was. After the battle at the Ministry of Magic though, his grandmother had become exceptionally proud.

"You really are your parent's son after all," she had said.

She had been even happier when Neville had received the invitation to Harry's party.

"My grandson, friends with Harry Potter, you've made me so proud Neville."

"By the way, Happy birthday Neville," Harry added, "I should've written you a letter yesterday to wish you a happy birthday, but I had just gotten out of the hospital."

Harry had suddenly remembering his conversation with Albus the month before, and how Neville's birthday was a day before his own.

"How did you know my birthday was yesterday?" He asked.

"I guess I heard it somewhere..." Harry trailed off because he didn't want to explain that right away, although he was planning on telling him the truth at some point.

"Happy birthday Harry, and Neville," Luna smiled at the two boys and Harry gave her an unexpected hug.

"Thanks for coming Luna, I'm glad that you guys are both okay."

"I'm glad that you're okay, and I'm sorry about what happened to your Godfather. I know how hard it is to lose someone you love."

He felt saddened by this, not only because it brought Sirius back to the front of his mind, but also because he knew Luna had lost her Mother when she was nine years old and he felt bad for her.

"Thank you Luna, let's go sit down and have lunch," Harry smiled and led his friends back to the table.

He had decided that he would talk to them later. They put his gifts on the present table before sitting down; Neville and Luna took Ginny and Molly's spots between George, and Arthur who was in an animated conversation with Bill who was sitting across from him.

A few minutes after the arrival of Luna and Neville, lunch was brought out by the girls.

It was at this time Arthur realized that he had forgotten to increase the size of the table and did so, so that his wife and daughter could sit down beside him.

(This is another idea of where everyone's sitting since people left and came back, you can skip it if you think it's unnecessary. I'm just weird and like knowing when I'm reading a story so that I can picture it in my head better) Hermione sat back at the head of the table beside Harry who had been sitting on her right. On the right side of the table beside Harry (in this order) Dean, Seamus, Remus, Tonks who returned to her spot beside Remus, Moody, Kingsley, Charlie, Bill and Fleur who returned to her spot beside Bill. On the left (beside Ron, in this order) Ron, Hagrid, Professor McGonagall, Fred and George, Neville, Luna, Ginny, Molly and Arthur.

Everyone had sat down in their places, but the head of the table was still empty.

"I suppose Professor Dumbledore's running late," Molly noted.

"He said there was something he had to do before he came," Remus said, "probably on one of his private missions."

"I hope he hasn't run into trouble," Tonks sounded worried, "he's not as fast as he used to be."

Everyone had started piling food onto their plates as they talked. There was an assortment of Harry's favourite foods; sandwiches and soups, dinner rolls, lasagna and butterbeer to drink.

However, Harry was too interested in this new conversation between the adults to pay attention to the food that had been put on the table. Ron had told him and Hermione that he had overheard his father saying their headmaster had been going on secret missions. Harry hadn't been sure if he believed it, but now Remus had confirmed it, and he was intrigued.

"He's fine Tonks," Moody reassured her, "the Ministry of Magic is trying to make it sound like he has lost his touch, but there's nothing wrong with him. Besides, Kingsley is on standby if he needs him, isn't that right?"

Kingsley nodded, "that's right, he said he'd send his Patronus to call for help if he needed it."

"Using a Patronus to call for help? I thought a Patronus could only protect you from dark creatures like Dementors," Harry interrupted.

Charlie was the quickest to answer his question, "Professor Dumbledore invented a way to communicate through them too, even if you can't make a corporeal Patronus charm. Only Order of the Phoenix members communicate this way though because Dumbledore has tried his best to keep this invention under wraps."

"Why does he want to keep it under wraps?" Harry asked, "It sounds very useful."

"That's exactly the point, it's a very useful way for us to communicate because it's completely secure. You can't use the dark arts to find out what the message is."

"So, he doesn't want Voldemort to figure out how to use it himself, or invent a way to sabotage it?"

Some people at the table flinched when Harry said Voldemort's name.

"Exactly," Charlie answered before beginning to eat.

Harry started piling food onto his plate and began eating too.

Hermione, who had been listening to the entire conversation carefully had a thought occur to her. What if Dumbledore's Army could communicate that way too? She wasn't even sure if Harry wanted to continue running Dumbledore's Army, or if they were even allowed. She wondered whether or not it'd be wise to ask him, especially right now.

However, Dean brought the subject up anyway.

"So Harry, are you planning on starting up the DA again when we return to school?" He had asked.

A chorus followed from the other teenagers at the table;

"Yeah, are you?" Seamus asked excitedly.

"You should, I got so much better at Defence Against The Dark Arts when you were teaching me," Neville said pleadingly.

"I think there's still a lot you could teach us that we wouldn't learn at Hogwarts," Luna added.

Harry was surprised by his friend's reactions. It was obvious that they wanted him to continue the DA, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to or if it was necessary.

"We have a Defence teacher though," he replied, "I don't think you guys need me to teach you anymore."

Dean spoke again, "what are you talking about? You're the best Defence teacher we've had, and as you said last year, you've been through it so you know how it feels. I wish Seamus and I had gone with you to the Ministry, that way we could have helped you."

Harry smiled sadly at his friend, and the teenagers at the table continued talking about everything they had learned from him while the adults listened.

They were all impressed by what they were hearing, especially Moody. He had already known Harry was above an OWL level student, but now he was thinking that maybe with a little extra training he could finish his education a little sooner. Moody wondered if Albus would allow it. He'd come out of retirement to take Harry under his wing as an auror. He decided he'd have to talk to Harry and Albus about it later.

There were twenty one people at the table and they all talked over each other while they ate so, the lunch party was rather noisy. The teenagers went from talking about the DA to other things after Harry promised them he'd think about it. Dean, Harry, Ron and Seamus went back to talking about Quidditch. Charlie and the Weasley twins joined into the conversation at that point. Ginny, Luna and Neville talked between themselves while Hermione sat awkwardly, having noticed that Ginny really hadn't said much to her during the party even when they were preparing lunch together. Despite the problems with Ginny, Hermione was happy to notice that Harry at least, was smiling and laughing with the others.

The ten adults at the table talked about the Order and the upcoming year at Hogwarts. Remus brought his attention back to Harry every once and a while, and smiled every time upon realizing that he seemed quite happy.

After lunch Molly got up and went back into the house quietly, without alerting Harry and his friends. She came out moments later with a cake, which she had lit sixteen candles on. When the adults at the table noticed Molly bring it out they started singing happy birthday to him, and the teenagers quickly joined in.

Harry laughed and his face went red with embarrassment. Everyone sang completely off key, but he didn't care. He was happy, and he thanked Molly when she put the cake in front of him and told him to make a wish and blow out the candles.

He didn't know what he wanted to wish for though. There were plenty of things he could wish for; his parents, Sirius, not losing anymore people that he loved, surviving the war, becoming an auror, but none of these things came into his mind because right now things felt almost perfect. He looked around the table and thought that if he could have everyday be like this he'd be happy, even without Sirius. So, that's exactly what he wished for;

'I wish for everyday to be like this,' he thought as he blew out the candles.

Harry helped Molly hand the cake out to everyone. It was a Quidditch themed cake and she told him that the design had been Ginny's idea. He wasn't surprised about this at all because Ginny knew what he liked and how to make him feel better.

With Ginny seeming more comfortable around him, Harry was starting to care more about her, but it was more of a little sister type of love that he felt for her. He was happy that she was dating Dean, not only did he thought that she wasn't crushing on him anymore, but also because Dean was a good guy.

Unlike Dean and Hermione, Harry hadn't noticed how Ginny had barely spoken two words to her new boyfriend. Harry was completely oblivious to the new behaviour that Hermione had noticed, and the fact that Ginny did indeed still have feelings for him.

Harry sat down and enjoyed his cake, while continuing on with the conversation he had been having with his friends.

"I can't wait until the next Quidditch World Cup!" Dean was saying, "I was so happy when my Mom let me go with Seamus and his family."

"My Mom says she isn't letting me go if I'm still living under her roof, but I said 'I'll be 18 years old so you can't stop me'," Seamus said defiantly.

"Why wouldn't she want you to go?" Harry asked.

"Because of the riots last time, and she says that it's sure to be worse since you-know-who's back. She actually thinks the ministry should completely cancel it, which is crazy!"

"It makes sense that she'd be worried about that, but I'm still going. We should all go together!"

The teenagers all agreed with Harry and this caused Moody to get into the conversation, "your Mother doesn't have to worry Mr. Finnigan. If Harry's going, we're going with him. The Order and the auror department are increasing security and supervision around him so, as long as you're with him you're safe."

Harry groaned internally at this comment. He knew that the Order would be supervising him and that security would be around him constantly. He also knew why it was necessary, but that didn't mean that as a sixteen year old boy he had to like it.

Moody could tell that he had embarrassed and annoyed him, and he completely understood Harry's feelings. After all, any teenager would be annoyed with being constantly watched and "overprotected."

"Hopefully Harry will be part of the auror department too," Moody added with a smile.

Harry smiled back at Moody as his annoyance faded, but then remembered his mark in Potions, "I'm not sure if I'll be able to become an auror."

The words came out before he realized, he hadn't wanted to confide in anyone about that. He regretted doing so immediately, especially when Professor McGonagall reacted.

"Why the Hell not? Is it no longer your ambition to become one?"

She had promised Harry that she'd make sure he became an auror so, she was upset to hear him say such a thing. She believed he would make an amazing auror, maybe even surpassing Moody.

"I only got Exceeds Expectations in Potions Professor, and I needed an Outstanding," he explained, "I tried very hard, but I guess I didn't do well enough on the exam."

"Professor Slughorn is perfectly happy accepting students with Exceeds Expectations."

"That's great! I was actually planning on asking Slug- I mean Professor Slughorn about if he would accept my mark."

Harry was happy to hear this information and Ron smiled at him and said, "so you still have a chance!"

"You do too!"

"It's your ambition to become an auror too Mr. Weasley?" Professor McGonagall asked, "I thought you were undecided about what you want to do after you leave Hogwarts."

"I haven't decided yet, but I'm thinking I might want to become an auror. I'm keeping my options open."

Molly smiled at her son with pride. She was happy that Ron seemed to be taking his future seriously.

"That's very wise Mr. Weasley," Professor McGonagall replied before turning to Neville, "what about you Mr. Longbottom? What are your plans?"

He looked up from his plate, "I'm not really sure..."

Neville hadn't thought about what he was doing after school. He would never tell anyone this, but he had tried really hard to get all the grades necessary to become an auror. However, he had only gotten into NEWT level Charms, Defence Against the Dark Arts and Herbology.

"I only got three OWL's so, I'm unable to become an auror..." he told her.

"Were you interested in becoming one in the first place?" It was Moody, who was sitting right across from Neville that had asked the question.

"Um, I thought about it," he answered nervously.

The last time Neville had seen "Moody" had been in fourth year. He had never actually met the Moody that had worked with his parents so many years ago.

"I worked with your parents, Alice and Frank were great aurors. Frank hoped one day you'd follow in their footsteps, but your Mother wanted you to forge your own path."

Neville smiled, "really? My Grandmother always pushed me to follow them, and never thought I was up to par with them-"

Professor McGonagall interrupted him, "yes well, I've told you many times Mr. Longbottom that you shouldn't take your Grandmother's words to heart, as hard as it is to not do so. Your Grandmother is a fool, she should be encouraging you instead of dragging you down."

"You've got talent Neville, I've seen it," Harry encouraged with a smile.

"Well then, why don't you continue the DA so I can realize it?" He asked jokingly in response, and the two boys went back and forth with friendly banter for a couple minutes.

Not many people at the table had realized that Neville was indeed Alice and Frank Longbottom's son. Now they looked at him with pity, but also interest because they knew that he had been one of the teenagers that had been at the Ministry with Harry last month.

It was at this time that Molly stood up from the table and told them it was time for Harry to open up his presents.

He smiled and said that they really hadn't needed to get him anything, but this was followed by a chorus of "nonsense," and "why wouldn't we bring you a present?"

"Molly and I will go first," Arthur levitated two presents from the present table over to Harry.

He ripped off the paper of the first present and realized it was a shaving kit.

"A shaving kit?" Harry thanked him awkwardly before Bill explained the present to him.

"He gets all of us a shaving kit when we turn 16 years old."

"You may as well be one of my sons so, I thought I'd let you be a part of the tradition," Arthur added to the explanation with a smile.

Upon hearing this Harry got up and walked around to the other side of the table to embrace Arthur.

"Thank you Mr. Weasley, I can't use this yet, but thank you," he laughed and held back the tears that were stinging his eyes.

It meant a lot to Harry that Arthur felt that way about him, and Arthur was pleased and embraced him back wholeheartedly.

After Harry returned to his seat he opened the present from Molly. He could tell it was a book and upon ripping off the paper he saw that it was a book called "All The Everyday Cooking and Cleaning Spells You'll Ever Need."

He looked up at her and despite many who wouldn't think it was an awesome present, he knew the meaning behind it. She wanted him to be able to take care of himself after he was done school.

"Thank you Mrs. Weasley," Harry smiled at her and she returned it, knowing without him saying anything that he had understood the reason for the present.

Bill got up and walked over to the pile of presents, and then handed Harry a small package.

"This present is from Fleur and I."

"Thanks Bill," Harry smiled and opened the small gift.

It was a type of magic coin, and he turned it over in his hands trying to figure out what it was.

"It's like a gift card," Hermione told him after a couple awkward moments.

"Oh, okay," he looked up over to Bill and Fleur, "thanks."

"It's to Madam Malkin's Robes, in Diagon Alley. We thought you'd like to get more wizarding robes, instead of wearing those oversized muggle clothing," Bill explained.

"I would! I love it, thanks."

Charlie was next, and had given Harry a book about the most famous Quidditch players that had captained Hogwarts teams.

"I won't be in there," Charlie joked.

Dean and Seamus had gotten Harry a poster of the Irish National Quidditch Team. It was a poster that showed their victory in the 1994 Quidditch World Cup.

"Wow, thanks guys!" He had smiled and had told them that he would be putting it up on their wall at Hogwarts.

"Chudley Cannons are the best team!" Ron had said, trying to bother their roommates, "I'm going to fill our dorms with posters of them!"

Dean and Seamus rolled their eyes and continued the friendly banter with Ron while Harry continued opening his presents.

Fred and George had gotten him a Skiving Snackbox.

"You can use this to get out of class!" This comment had the twins receiving glares from their old Transfiguration teacher and their Mother.

Ginny had gotten Harry a book about Defensive Spells and Potions, Hagrid had gotten him a wallet made out of Dragon Hide, and Hermione got him a book called "Useful Defensive Charms."

"It isn't just Defence Against the Dark Art spells that are useful, Charm spells can be just as handy," Hermione had told him.

Kingsley had also gotten Harry a book full of Defensive Charms and Spells. Many of his presents were like this, helping him learn how to protect himself.

Along with the books from Ginny, Hermione and Kingsley; Professor McGonagall had gotten him "Transfiguration: How to Defend Yourself Through Change," and Moody had given him a used book called "Defeating the Dark Arts."

"That book has saved my life so, make sure you study it and learn every spell," Moody said, "it'll teach you how to fight and defend yourself."

Neville had gotten Harry a book about plants that can be useful in defensive/protective potions and Tonks had gotten him an official auror training book. She had told him that they're actually not allowed to share them with unofficial auror trainees, but she figured that because of his situation he could use it.

"You're practically an auror already," she had said.

Harry had seven defence books to read, and something about this made him feel bitter.

'Apparently after being nearly murdered several times everyone thinks I need to study.'

After this thought he found that he only had three presents leftover, and thankfully none of them looked like books. These presents were from Luna, Remus and Ron.

He opened the one from Ron first and found that it was a Chudley Cannons poster, which caused Dean and Seamus to groan. Harry laughed and thanked him.

"This is going right beside my Irish poster," he told them, knowing it would mildly annoy the two boys.

Harry unwrapped the present from Remus next, and found that it was a picture of himself and Sirius. The picture was taken during Christmas and he inspected it for a few moments.

Harry had been wearing the jumper Mrs. Weasley had made him and was holding the book Sirius and Remus had gotten him, "Practical Defensive Magic and its Use Against the Dark Arts," against his chest. Sirius had his arm around his shoulders and had a look of pride and happiness that Harry hadn't seen anywhere else, but in photos of Sirius with his Mother and Father.

"Thank you Remus," Harry got a little choked up and got up to hug him, once again feeling like he might cry.

"You're welcome," Remus felt himself start to tear up too as he returned the hug.

Once Harry had sat down again Luna, who had been holding her present for Harry, handed it across the table to Kingsley who was sitting across from her. Kingsley passed it down along the table to him.

Harry opened the present excitedly and was happy to see that she had gotten him a wizard camera and a photo album.

"Wow Luna, I haven't used one of these before," he turned it over in his hands trying to figure out how it worked.

"I thought you'd like it because I figured everyone else would be getting you defence books, and I thought that you'd like something to capture the good times," she explained in her soft, dreamy voice, "instead of focusing on the bad memories and how to fight the dark arts, having a way to remember the good memories and why you fight."

Luna's unexpected explanation of why she got him a camera left Harry, and everyone else a little speechless. They had been trying to help him by giving him books on how to defend himself, and now they realized that that may be a little depressing for him.

However, despite that momentary feeling of bitterness, Harry appreciated that they cared about him, and he did of course, want to learn how to fight and defend himself. After all, it wasn't like he had a choice. He either had to learn or he'd die, but he didn't want to think about that depressing fact right now.

Harry appreciated Luna's present the most though because sometimes he did focus on the bad memories so much that he forgot the good ones, and he had very few photos of his friends and the good times. The photo album Hagrid gave him years ago was full of pictures of his parents and sometimes made him only remember what he had lost.

"Thank you so much Luna, I'm going to fill this album with good memories so that I don't forget," Harry got up and walked around the table to her, pulling her into another unexpected hug.

She embraced him back and smiled widely.

This was a good day, Harry couldn't deny it. It had been one of the best days of his life, his very first birthday party and the best time he had had since Voldemort's return.

The rest of the day was spent taking photos and eating cake, thanking everyone for their gifts and once everybody had gone home, sitting and beginning to read the seven defence books he had received for his birthday.

He fell asleep reading "Defeating the Dark Arts." It had been the book he was most eager to read, for the reason that Moody had given it to him and had said it had saved his life. He also felt like this book would teach him more about fighting, instead of strictly teaching him how to defend himself.

While Harry read his books, Hermione laid in her bed thinking about the day and what a success it had been. She had wanted him to have one good day, that was her true present for him. She had wanted to remind him that he still had family and that despite losing Sirius he could be happy, and that he wasn't alone.

Many of the people who had been at his party had been there for him before Sirius had come into his life, and they would be there now that Sirius was gone.

Hermione hoped Harry knew this.

'Happy birthday Harry.'


	11. Chapter 11 - Badges & Teenage Drama

The night after his surprise birthday party, Harry had stayed up until midnight reading the book that Moody had gotten him for his birthday.

Due to how late he had gone to bed, he hadn't woken up until nine o'clock. When he did wake up, he stayed upstairs in his room to continue reading. Someone had brought his breakfast into his room and had left it on a tray with a warming spell. He picked away at it, but despite the amazing day he had had the day before, didn't feel much like eating.

Harry was only interested in reading, and as he read he wrote down every spell that he wanted to learn most. He was basically writing down each spell, and upon realizing this, decided to organize it by alphabetical order later. He intended to study the book and learn every spell, just like Moody had advised.

While he was doing this he found himself wondering which spells would be good to teach the DA. This thought surprised him because unlike his friends who thought he was a wonderful teacher, he didn't think there was a point to it. Part of him felt like he had messed everything up enough; leading his friends into danger and not being able to protect them from being hurt, or Sirius from getting killed. However, that was insecurity and trauma talking, and he personally very much wanted to ask the headmasters permission to continue teaching the DA. Though he wasn't yet ready to realize this.

Nobody disturbed him and nothing broke his attention on his studying until noon when an owl landed outside his window and started pecking at the glass. He got up and let the owl in, realizing immediately that it was delivering his Hogwarts book list, as well as a small parcel.

Harry opened the small parcel first and was surprised to find a badge inside. He picked it up and smiled widely upon realizing that it was the Gryffindors Quidditch Captain badge.

Dolores Umbridge had put a lifetime ban on him from playing Quidditch at Hogwarts. However, Harry had figured that this would be lifted once Albus returned. He had known that he'd be playing again, but hadn't expected to be made captain, despite hoping for it since Oliver Wood left after third year. He, along with his friends were annoyed when it was canceled due to the Triwizard Tournament in fourth year. They hadn't understood what that tournament had to do with their Inter-House Quidditch Cup.

When fifth year had come along, he had been disappointed to find that he wasn't made captain, especially since Hermione and Ron were made prefects. He hadn't been arrogant enough to expect to be made captain, but he had hoped he would be. Just like his father had been, all those years ago when he was at Hogwarts.

So, now Harry sat on his bed admiring the badge that he knew his father had once worn. A happiness filled him and thoughts raced around his mind that he hadn't expected.

Hermione came into his room, smiling from ear to ear with her own book list and an extra letter in her hand. He looked away from the badge and at her with a smile, she was always so excited to get her grades and book list.

"Look Harry, our – oh, you got yours," she stopped speaking when she saw him.

"I thought that this was yours," she held up the extra letter that was addressed to him, "it must have been mixed up with my owl."

Hermione walked over to Harry and sat down beside him on the bed. He took the letter and saw that while it had the Hogwarts Crest it wasn't labeled like the others. This letter seemed to have come straight from the headmaster so he put it aside and continued admiring his badge. He wasn't interested in reading a letter from Albus right now when he was feeling so good. He was worried that the letter would be about something depressing, and right now he just wanted to enjoy the fact that he had been made captain, just like his father.

He had known that his father had been a talented Quidditch player since his first year. He had found that out after he had been made seeker that year. That was the first thing he had ever learned about his father, other than the fact that his name was James.

It wasn't until his third year when he met Remus and Sirius that he learned more about both of his parents. Sirius had told him that they had started Hogwarts in September of 1971, and that it was in their second year that James had tried out for the Quidditch team and of course, had gotten on it. It was in their fourth year that James had become Quidditch captain, and he had remained captain until they graduated in 1978.

Harry was proud of himself for becoming captain, and he wondered silently if his father and Sirius would be proud of him too.

"Your dad would be proud," Hermione said, once she realized what he was holding.

He smiled and looked at her, "thanks, to be honest I'm surprised that I got this."

"I'm not," she smiled and gently took a hold of his hand.

Harry felt a strange feeling in his chest when she did this. It felt different, but nice and they remained like that for a couple minutes, just enjoying the moment.

The moment was interrupted by Ron who came into the room unexpectedly and greeted them loudly.

"Hey guys! Mom says we're going to Diagon Alley on Saturday if dad's home. She do-"

He noticed them holding hands and eyed them suspiciously with a strange grin, "did I interrupt something? If I did I can leave, leave you two alone for a few more mi-"

"Oh my God, Ronald!" Hermione's face went red, "We were just talking about Harry's badge! We weren't doing an-"

"Okay, okay, calm down Granger." he put his hands up in mock surrender, "I didn't mean anything by it I was just – wait, badge?"

Harry held up the badge for Ron to see, still not letting go of Hermione's hand.

"Wow mate! That's great, you're my captain! If you let me back on the team of course."

"Only if you make it back onto the team, I'm not giving anybody any special treatment."

"I'm sure I will!" Ron's voice was full of excitement, "I was a great keeper last year, and now you're my captain! This is so cool!"

"Don't forget though that Angelina said you needed improvement," Hermione reminded gently.

"I think I improved a lot during last year, but I was thinking that we should practice during the Summer. After all, we can't have our captain being rusty! What do you think Harry? You haven't played Quidditch since before last Christmas. Would that make y-?"

"Feel better?" Harry finished the question.

Hermione and Ron looked at him questioningly, as if wondering if he'd have one of his random outburst like last year. However, he only looked back at the badge in his hands.

"I think that's a great idea," he finally replied, "I don't want to let anybody down. We're going to train day and night and win the Quidditch Cup!"

The two smiled at his enthusiasm and Ron sat down on the other side of him, and couldn't help but notice that they were still holding hands.

Harry put the badge down on his night table before picking up his book list, "what were you saying about Diagon Alley on Saturday? We're only going if your dad's home?"

"Yeah, she doesn't want to go without him, even with all the aurors that will be there," Ron replied.

"That's understandable," Hermione said, "the entirety of Diagon Alley has been given extra security, especially since what happened to Ollivander and Florean Fortescue. There's sure to be even more security when Harry's there as well."

"What happened to Ollivander and Florean?" Harry asked.

"Florean was kidnapped, but the ministry isn't sure what happened to Ollivander. He could have been kidnapped or just left. There wasn't much of a struggle," she answered.

"What would Voldemort want with the owner of an ice cream parlour?"

"No idea, but Bill thinks that he must have made the death eaters angry," Ron told them, "apparently his shop was a mess and a lot of shops have been boarded up because people have been closing their doors. That's what they think Ollivander did."

Harry found that his stomach was tying into knots. He hadn't been oblivious to the way people were going missing and getting murdered. Or how there had been several "accidents" in the muggle world since the ministry acknowledged Voldemort's return.

He thought about all this and it was quite overwhelming, but a thought had sunk into the back of his mind upon hearing Ollivander's name. It pushed its way forward and suddenly something clicked.

"Ollivander didn't just leave guys. I would say that he got kidnapped too, in fact I thin-"

"I heard the Order talking Harry," Ron interrupted, "they say there wasn't a sign of a struggle and the shop's completely empty."

"Perhaps, but Ollivander could be useful to Voldemort in more ways than one. And I don't know how much the Order knows about our wands."

"Your wands?" Hermione questioned.

He sighed and picked his wand up from the night table, "I've never fully told you guys everything about my connection to Voldemort. It isn't just our minds that are connected. Our wands are connected too."

"How's that possible?" Ron asked.

"When Hagrid took me there to find mine I tried a couple that didn't fit. The wand chooses the wizard after all. Ollivander eventually went into the back of his shop and brought my wand out. He was curious if this was the wand that was meant for me."

His friends were both looking at his wand strangely, almost suspiciously.

"He told me that it was curious that I was destined for this wand, when its brother belonged to Voldemort. Apparently, the phoenix whose tail feather is in my wand gave only one other feather to another wand. This wand was Voldemort's and because of tha-"

Hermione gasped, suddenly it all made sense to her, "that's why your wand forced his into Prior Incantato in the graveyard the night he ret-"

Ron interrupted, "what's Prior Incantato?"

She started explaining it for him, "prior Incantato happens when two wands with identical cores have to duel each other. Whoever has the upper hand in the duel, forces the other wand to regurgitate previous spells. In their case, it brought back the ghosts."

"That's what saved you in the graveyard? When your parents and Cedric appeared?"

Harry nodded and it clicked for Ron too.

"So, your wand is __his__ brother? As long as he's using his wand that could happen again?"

"That's why I think they took Ollivander. Voldemort needs a wand that won't connect with mine. He probably thinks that's the only way he'll be able to kill me, in the end."

His friends went silent, exchanging looks with each other. This didn't go unnoticed by Harry, who was suddenly wishing that he hadn't brought up his theory of Ollivander's disappearance, but knew that the depressing topic couldn't be avoided.

"I know that you know about the prophecy, everyone does. It has been in the Prophet."

"Nobody really knows what it said though," Hermione sounded hopeful, "it got smashed before anybody could hear it."

'Yeah, the glass ball got smashed, but that doesn't mean that the future changes.'

He didn't say anything else, just sat there with his book list and wand in one hand, while Hermione squeezed the other, as if reminding him that she was still there. Or perhaps to encourage him to tell them the truth but he couldn't. He wasn't ready to say it out loud, especially to them.

She could sense this and thought desperately of a way to change the subject. As she too wasn't ready to hear it.

Ron reached over and picked up the badge from the night table, "I remember when Charlie wore one of these. He became captain in his fourth year, just like Wood. I remember dad was so proud that he took us to the school to watch him play. I was only six years old, and I loved it. I knew I wanted to play Quidditch just like him."

Harry smiled, thankful that his friend had sensed his lack of readiness to discuss the topic. He got off the bed and started to leave the room, with Ron continuing to speak about Quidditch and the year ahead, which was a lot less depressing for him than what they had been talking about.

All the while, Harry hadn't let go of Hermione's hand.

When they got downstairs they heard Molly telling Ginny that she was disappointed in her for not becoming a prefect. Ginny was sitting at the dining room table, looking very annoyed as her mother ranted in the kitchen about how she was too much like Fred and George, and that she should have taken after her other brothers more.

However, Ginny didn't mind that she wasn't a prefect. Quite the contrary, if she wasn't it only gave her more time to spend with Harry, especially since Hermione and her brother were of course going to be prefects again this year.

"It's actually a good thing that you aren't a prefect this year Ginny," Harry said bravely, ignoring Molly's offended glare as he sat down beside her at the table, "it means you'll have more time to focus on your OWLS."

She turned to him and smiled, "I suppose so, I think I'll need some help studying though. It's going to be hard without Hermione to help me."

"I can help you study, are you planning on trying out for Quidditch again this year?"

"Of course, I'll be trying out for chaser! You'll be trying out for seeker, right? Now that Dumbledore's back I'm sure your ban has been lifted."

"Actually it has been," Ron answered proudly before Harry could, sitting on the other side of his sister, "and our Harry here has been made captain!"

Hermione sat on the other side of Harry, watching as Ginny gave him an unexpected hug that was happily returned.

"Really? Congratulations, I can't say I'm surprised!" She beamed.

"Thanks Ginny, I'll probably hold tryouts on the second weekend of school. I'd love it if you and Ron got on the team."

"We should play sometime during the Summer, you may be a little rusty."

"That's what Ron said, maybe we can go out after lunch."

Molly had started making the four kids sandwiches and upon hearing this idea said, "I'd much rather you guys wait until later. Remus will be coming by shortly after lunch with Tonks."

"With Tonks?" Ron asked, "are they going out or something? Every time that he has come over she has tagged along."

"That's none of your business Ronald," his mother replied sternly.

"Sorry, can I at least ask why they're coming over?"

She replied to this question with the answer Harry had been dreading, "Remus needs to speak with Harry."

Hermione noticed how his expression changed and his body tensed up. She put her hand on his arm reassuringly, and he sent her a small smile in response. This was noticed by Ginny, who interrupted the moment by asking him who else he wanted on the team.

After finishing the sandwiches, Molly instructed the kids to clean up the kitchen for her while she worked in the garden. They told her they would, and she left them alone to eat.

While they ate, Harry and Ginny continued talking between themselves about Quidditch. Ron devoured his sandwiches silently, occasionally providing commentary and expressing his excitement.

Hermione was completely silent, listening to the conversation between the three, and not bothering to provide commentary of any kind. This wasn't unusual when it came to conversations about the sport as she never had understood it. She had always encouraged the boys, and had been at every game that Harry played in (aside from when she was petrified) but she had never loved Quidditch.

Today though she was deep in thought as she listened and tried to follow along; Ginny seemed completely fine right now while she was speaking with Harry, but for the last few days she had seemed distant and angry. The two girls shared a room and they had barely spoken, which wasn't normal for them because over the course of the last three years they had gotten quite close. Ginny's odd behavior had started when Harry arrived five days ago and at first Hermione had thought that it was just stress over him arriving so ill. However, after almost a week of silence and strange looks, she was starting to feel more and more uncomfortable around her younger friend. She didn't know what, but she could feel it in her bones that something just wasn't right.

'Perhaps I'm overreacting?" She thought, as she watched Ginny touch Harry's arm and laugh at something he had said.

She didn't seem distant or angry anymore. In fact, she seemed happier than she had been all Summer.

After lunch the kids cleaned up the kitchen like Molly had requested, before going to the sitting room to wait for Remus and Tonks.

Harry had gone upstairs to grab the "Defeating the Dark Arts" book and to continue what he had been doing before his owl had arrived. He had thought about locking himself away in his room so he didn't have to speak to Remus, but decided against it. He returned downstairs and sat down on the couch, while Hermione and Ron looked over their book lists and spoke about prefect stuff.

Ginny sat down beside him, watching him and occasionally asking him questions about the spells he wrote down.

"Are you going to teach any of these to us?"

"If I continue teaching the DA, probably," Harry answered.

"I hope you do, I learned a lot last year. You're a really good teacher Harry," Ginny smiled, echoing the words Cho had once spoken.

He smiled coyly in response, "thanks, I'm thinking I'll talk to Professor Dumbledore about it when we go back to-."

"Have you opened that other Hogwarts letter yet?" Hermione interrupted, remembering that he had just put it aside.

"No, I think it's from Professor Dumbledore," Harry replied calmly.

"That's definitely even more reason to open it right away! It's probably something important."

"If it's important it could be something I don't want to know right now. I'm in a good mood today, I don't need him ruining it. I'll read it later, before I go to bed, alright?"

"No, it's not alright Harry," Hermione insisted, "you can't just keep Professor Dumbledore waiting like that! What if it's something about Voldemort?"

"He kept me waiting for news about Voldemort all last year, remember? I'm going to read it, just not right now!" Harry was starting to get annoyed, and Ginny noticed this.

She interrupted gently, "I agree with Hermione about this. You really should read it as soon as possible."

"I know, but I just want a break today. I don't want to deal with anything right now. Everything has been great the last couple days and I want to keep it that way."

"I know, and I understand how you feel, but if it's something important you need to know. You're the one Tom wants Harry, it's important that you stay in the loop."

"Yeah, because Dumbledore has always been so good at keeping me inside the loop."

"You're right, he treated you terribly last year," Ginny sympathized, "but now he seems to be trying. That's why he went to St. Mungo's and gave you the choice about whether or not to see a psychological healer. He wants you to feel more in control, and be aware of what's going on."

He groaned and looked at her, "I suppose you're right. I'll go get the letter, stay here."

She smirked as her and Hermione watched Harry rush up the stairs to retrieve the letter.

"Well, that was easy. I thought it would be like pulling teeth, the way it would be for you."

This comment earned her a glare from Hermione. While Ron just sat awkwardly between his sister and his friend, unsure of what was going on between the two girls.

Harry came back down with the letter in his hand and sat back down beside Ginny. He opened the letter and began reading;

 _ _Dear Harry,__

 _ _Happy 16th birthday! I'm sincerely sorry that I didn't make it to your party yesterday. I was doing something for the Order and it took longer than I thought it would. I'll fill you in about that when you return to school. I hope you had a great day and are happy with your gifts. I'm aware that it'll mostly be books about how to defend yourself and while this may be depressing and overwhelming, I hope you're aware that it's also a testament of how much your friends love and adore you. You aren't alone, and I hope you saw that yesterday.__

 _ _The next thing I wish to tell you, if you aren't already aware is that on Saturday you'll be going to Diagon Alley with your friends to pick up your school supplies. Aurors will be accompanying you, and while I'm sure this is bothersome for you I'm sure you also understand why it has to be that way right now. Your safety is of utmost importance. The aurors that will be accompanying you will be Moody and Kingsley Shacklebolt. They have both taken time out of their duties to care for you. I know that you enjoy their company and are comfortable with them, that's why I chose them instead of aurors you aren't familiar with.__

 _ _There's something else about your trip to Diagon Alley that I must inform you about. At 3:15pm you have an appointment with Ragnok, the Head of Gringotts and the current leader of the Goblin society in Europe. He wishes to speak directly to you privately, so Moody will be accompanying you straight to him upon your arrival at Diagon Alley. The ministry car will be picking you up at noon. I don't want you to worry Harry, Ragnok has my complete trust. You'll be perfectly safe.__

 _ _Last but not least, I'd like to congratulate you on becoming captain! Professor McGonagall wished to make you captain in your fourth year, but with the Triwizard tournament it wasn't possible. And last year it didn't happen for the same reason as you not becoming prefect. I told her that I thought you had too much responsibility to deal with. This year however, there are no excuses and I'm sure you'll lead Gryffindor to the Quidditch Cup! Your father would be so proud of you, and so would Sirius. He would have been there yesterday if he could have been.__

 _ _I want you to know that every effort is being taken by the ministry and the Order to capture Bellatrix. The Order is also trying to capture Wormtail, so that Sirius' name may be cleared.__

 _ _Now, with all that said I have one more thing to say; Please come to my office on the first Saturday of your return to school so that I may discuss our lessons with you, as well as give you your belated birthday gift from me.__

 _ _I look forward to seeing you next month Harry.__

 _ _Yours truly,__

 _ _Albus Dumbledore__

"What does a goblin have to do with you?" Ron asked bluntly.

"I don't know," Harry answered, confusion obvious in his voice.

"You'll find out when you get there," Hermione said simply, "I'm sure you have no need to worry, Professor Dumbledore would never put you in danger."

Ginny who had been listening quietly while Harry read, sounded angry and glared at her.

"Oh yeah, because Dumbledore hasn't put him in any danger before. This goblin could be dangerous. Goblins aren't fond of wizards, and Bill has never trusted them."

"It's okay Ginny," Harry assured her, noticing the shift in attitude but not thinking much of it, "I'm sure Dumbledore knows who this goblin is and what he wants. I'll be fine."

He was still very angry at their headmaster too, and thought it was sweet that she was so protective of him. They had gotten closer since she had become more comfortable around him and their relationship in his mind, seemed to be like that of a brother and sister.

Hermione looked between Ginny and Harry, but didn't say anything else. Ron was looking between the girls awkwardly, having noticed the tension between them earlier as well. The tension eased away when Harry started speaking to Ginny about how excited he was to see the twins shop on Saturday.

After a few awkward minutes Hermione decided she'd go for a walk, and Ron went along with her to try to figure out what was going on between her and his sister. She decided to confide in him about the odd behavior she had noticed. She didn't know if she wanted to bring it up to Harry, because Ginny's behavior always seemed to go right over his head. Ron hadn't thought much of it either, thinking perhaps that the two girls had just had a disagreement about some girl thing that would blow over.

As they walked around the garden together though, Hermione confided in him about what she had noticed and much to her frustration, he didn't seem very worried about his sister. He thought that perhaps Ginny was just being oversensitive and dramatic, nonetheless he promised that he'd keep a closer eye on her.

"Maybe she has noticed what I have," Ron said with a teasing smirk.

She looked at him, genuinely confused before blushing, "I don't know what you're talking about Ronald!"

They walked around the garden speaking of her worries for his sister, as well as about their worries for Harry. They confided in each other, and tried to come up with an idea of what they were going to do to help him. Ron continued his teasing, and she continued blushing and denying anything. It was all in good fun and for the first time, she found herself realizing that even Ron seemed to have matured since everything that had happened. They hadn't fought once, other than this playful banter. Eventually they ended up continuing their conversation from inside, about returning to school and prefect things. Ginny's behavior and her worries for Harry were temporarily driven from her mind, the tranquility of the garden and her friends company was soothing and a nice break.

While they were outside, Harry remained with Ginny in the sitting room having a break of his own, talking and laughing with her. They went through an array of topics; Fred and George's shop, Quidditch tryouts and the Hogwarts Quidditch Cup, Dumbledore's Army and the Quidditch World Cup that had been brought up during his birthday party the day before. It was two years away, but they were excited and talked about it anyway.

His attention was completely on her, and the letter from Dumbledore and the depressing conversation from earlier was far from his mind. He felt comfortable and happy with her and they could have spoken for hours if they had the time.

Ginny was just as happy as he was at that moment. All the annoyance that had been triggered while Hermione and her brother were still there evaporated. The smile on her face never faltered once as she sat with him, occasionally touching his arm or brushing his hand.

She hadn't truly known what had gotten her so annoyed earlier, or even during the last few days since Harry's arrival. She just knew that she hated seeing him so close to Hermione.

It was like an angry monster would start stirring in her chest when they were together. This angry monster hadn't been there for quite a while. She had locked it away and had tried to get on with her life, and she had succeeded. She was dating Dean after all, and she had dated Michael Corner last year, who was in Harry's year and was a Ravenclaw.

Ginny had met Michael at the Yule Ball, which she had attended with Neville. They had started dating at the end of the school year. She wouldn't deny that she had used him as an attempt to move on from Harry. They broke up after Gryffindor beat Ravenclaw in the final match of the year, winning the Quidditch Cup. She hadn't cared about the break up, she had been too happy about beating Cho Chang in the race for the snitch.

Now she was dating Dean who was also in Harry's year and was a close friend of his, but of course that wasn't the reason why she liked him. He was easygoing and was able to get along with everyone. He was brave and loyal, joining Dumbledore's Army and defending Remus when Umbridge had called him an "extremely dangerous half-breed." He had never cared about Remus being a werewolf. He was open minded, and had supported Harry last year when everyone else was slandering him.

Ginny knew that all this should mean that she should be happy with Dean and be proud to be his girlfriend. However, during Harry's birthday party she had barely spoken to him, and couldn't help but compare him to Harry.

'He'll never compare to him, and Hermione will never compare to you.'

This voice had kept pushing its way to the front of her mind, feeding the angry monster that had awoken. No matter how hard she tried to ignore it, she couldn't help but agree that she was indeed, the best thing for Harry.

They had one more month of Summer, and she couldn't wait to spend it just like this.

'As long as the mudblood stays out of the way.'


	12. Chapter 12 - Sirius' Will, Harry's Guilt

_This next chapter as you can probably tell will be full of feels, as Harry's confronted with the aftermath of Sirius' death and tries to deal with his guilt and grief from it._

 _The next chapter will be up on Sunday!_

Remus arrived with Tonks a little later than Molly had expected. They had walked past Hermione and Ron on the grounds and while they had thought it odd that they weren't with Harry, hadn't thought too much of it. They also hadn't thought much of it when the two teenagers had told them that their friend was in the sitting room with Ginny.

Remus left Tonks in the kitchen with Molly, before heading to the sitting room. He wasn't looking forward to this particular conversation with the teenager that he loved so dearly, but knew that it had to happen, sooner rather than later.

Upon walking into the sitting room Remus noticed Harry laughing with Ginny about something that he didn't quite catch. He noticed the "Defeating the Dark Arts" book from Moody and some parchment laying on the table, apparently forgotten about. The two teenagers didn't seem to notice him come in.

"Good afternoon Harry," Remus greeted, bringing their attention to him.

"Moony!" Harry enthusiastically got up and gave him an unexpected, but welcomed hug.

He smiled at the happiness that was radiating from him as he returned the embrace, and greeted Ginny;

"Good afternoon Ginny," his smile faltered when he realized the strange look she was giving him.

He didn't know if he'd call it a glare, but it didn't seem quite friendly. She was silent as she nodded her acknowledgment of him and stood up, inconspicuously brushing Harry's hand as she walked past them and went up to her room.

Harry felt this touch, but assumed it was an accident and it barely registered in his mind. He sat back down on the couch and invited Remus to join him.

"Mrs. Weasley told me you were coming to talk to me, but what's it about?" He asked.

"Sirius' will," Remus spoke in a gentle tone, not wanting to upset him, "Albus told me that he wasn't able to speak to you about it a couple weeks ago when you met."

"Yeah, my Aunt and Uncle were being prats. He only got the chance to tell me that Sir- _his_ will was found and that I was left with everything. I don't want any of it," Harry told him, firmly and dismissively.

He sighed at this reaction, but it hadn't been unexpected and he continued speaking gently, "if you don't take what Sirius left you, it'll be given to Bellatrix. All of his money and his belongings, as well as the belongings of the Black family and the Black property."

He thought about this for a few moments, "I don't want her to get anything of his, but it would be wrong for me to inherit his money or belongings. I'm not his son and even more importantly than that, it's my fault that he's dead-"

Remus interrupted him, still speaking gently but also firmly, "Harry please, listen to what I'm about to say very closely. Sirius' death wasn't your fault. I know you think it is because you went to the Department of Mysteries, but that doesn't make it your fault. You went there to save his life, and he was very touched by that."

"His life was never in danger! That vision was a trap and I should have known that it-" Harry looked away from him and tried his best to remain calm.

"How would you have known? When you had that vision of Arthur getting attacked, it was real. If you had thought it was just a dream and had ignored it, he wouldn't be alive. You saved him, and so when you saw Sirius being attacked, of course you believed it!"

He took a couple deep breaths to calm himself before continuing, "Harry, we're all so proud of what you did. Your friends, Molly and Arthur, the Order, Albus and especially me. I'm so proud of you, and Sirius was proud of you. Your pare-"

It all came crashing down; Harry stood up and yelled, "don't! Stop, will you?! I know that everything that happened there was my fault, including _his_ death so you don't have to pretend that you don't blame me! I know that you hate me because he's gone, I hate myself too! And I know everyone thinks I'm stupid for falling into Voldemort's trap!"

"Nobody thinks you're stupid Harry! And nobody blames you for Sirius' death or hates you, especially not me! I love you, I have since the day you were born and I will until the day I die! Do you think any of us would be here if we hated or blamed you?"

"Yes, you would be because I'm the 'Chosen One' and that's the only reason why anyone keeps me around! The only reason why you guys came to get me was because you were worried that I was hurt and nobody wants that or I won't be useful to anyone!"

Remus had faltered upon hearing him call himself The Chosen One. It wasn't true, it couldn't be, the Prophet couldn't be right… the prophecy had said something else… someone else, anyone else. These thoughts raced through his mind until he focused back onto what the young man in front of him was saying.

"Stop! None of that is true, and I know that rationally you know that! We came to get you because we wanted to make sure that you were alright! We couldn't care less if you're The Chosen One or not, because to us you're just Harry. And that's a wonderful-"

Harry had started pacing around the sitting room, running his hands through his hair angrily, struggling to not let tears fall down his face.

"Just Harry that helped Voldemort return and got an innocent person killed, just Harry that got Dumbledore almost arrested and got him kicked out of the school, just Harry that led all of his friends into danger and nearly got himself and everyone else killed as-"

"No!" Remus stopped his rant and grabbed him by his shoulders to get him to stop moving, "you're not any of those things. You aren't the reason Voldemort's back and you didn't get that Diggory boy _or_ Sirius killed. And you weren't the reason Dumbledore almost got arrested."

"Do you want to know what you are Harry?" He asked, letting go of his shoulders, "you're the boy that stopped Voldemort from returning two times, and saved the life of an innocent little girl. You're the boy that showed a man mercy and saved another from a terrible fate. You're the boy that has always fought for what's right no matter the odds."

"If I hadn't stopped you and Sirius from killing Pettigrew, Voldemort wouldn't have returned! Cedric and Sirius would both be alive, as well as everyone else who has gotten murdered in the past year! Dumbledore wouldn't have had to go through slander and-"

"What about the slander you went through? What about the abuse from Umbridge?" He gave Remus a questioning stare, "oh yes, your friends filled us in about last year. What about the trauma and pain you went through going through all those experiences?"

"It doesn't matter," Harry replied, "I care more about what happened to everyone else. I care more about what everyone else thinks of me, especially you and the Order."

"You should care about yourself, and I wish you could see yourself the way everyone else sees you. You're brave and strong, just like your parents. They would be proud to call you their son. The Order is proud of you and Sirius was proud of you. And so am I Harry, I am so proud of you, fiercely proud."

Harry didn't know what to say, and Remus couldn't think of anything else to say to reassure him. They stood there silently for a couple moments; Harry wiped his face with his sleeve and tried to look everywhere but at Remus, while the older man couldn't look away from the distressed teenager.

"Harry-" He started, reaching towards him to put his hand on his shoulder, "Harry, I know how you-"

"You don't know how I feel," he repeated the words that he had said in the headmaster's office firmly.

"I know that I'll never understand everything that you feel, but I loved Sirius too. I loved your parents and I love you," Remus pulled his hand back, "I know that I can't step into Sirius' or James' shoes, but I want to be here for you. After all, it's just us left, right? The Mauraders, it's down to us."

Harry didn't know what to say except, "I'm still not feeling well. I think I need to rest."

He sighed in response, but understood that this was as far as they would be getting today.

"I'll let you rest, but we'll be speaking again," Remus took an envelope out of his jacket, "this is Sirius' Will. You need to sign it and give it to Ragnok when you meet with him on Saturday – It's important."

He put the envelope on top of the "Defeating the Dark Arts" book, as Harry hadn't reached out to take it.

"I'll let your friends and Molly know that you need a few minutes, but I'm sure they won't let you shut yourself away. We're all here for you Harry because we love you, no alternate motives or reasons. We love _you_. I want you to know that you can write to me anytime, I know that you wrote to Sirius a lot."

Remus received no response, just a sad look from the teenager. The happy smile that had been on his face and the upbeat energy from when Remus had arrived was long gone. This saddened him, but the talk was one that had to happen. Many more depressing talks would follow, but so would laughter.

He believed in this, and was comforted by this belief as he put his arm around Harry's shoulders and led him to the kitchen where Tonks and Molly were. The older woman was quietly cutting onions behind the counter. They had heard everything that was said inside the sitting room, but were silent.

Tonks greeted Harry cheerfully as if she hadn't heard a thing and put her arm through Remus' before they headed to the door.

"There's one more thing Harry; I'm sure you already know that you inherit Kreacher as he's considered one of Sirius' possessions. If you don't accept what Sirius left you, he'll go to Bellatrix as well. Along with all the information he has heard from the Order for the past year."

They both said goodbye to him and left. He stood in the kitchen awkwardly, while Molly looked at him with pure pity on her face. He said nothing to her, before heading upstairs to his room.

Harry threw himself on the bed and sighed;

' _If you don't accept what Sirius left you, he'll go to Bellatrix as well. Along with all the information he has heard from the Order for the past year.'_

He understood what Remus had been saying. Kreacher couldn't be permitted to go live with Bellatrix, so he had no choice but to keep him and Sirius' belongings.

'It's wrong for me to take anything from his Will. I'm not his son and it's all my fault.'

' _Nobody blames you for Sirius' death or hates you, especially not me! I love you, I have since the day you were born and I will until the day I die!'_

Harry sighed, remembering everything that was said downstairs.

Could what Remus said be true? That it wasn't his fault?

' _How would you have known? When you had that vision of Arthur getting attacked, it was real. If you had thought it was just a dream and had ignored it, he wouldn't be alive. You saved him, and so when you saw Sirius being attacked, of course you believed it!'_

' _Harry, we're all so proud of what you did. I'm so proud of you, and Sirius was proud of you – You're brave and strong, just like your parents. They would be proud to call you their son. The Order is proud of you and Sirius was proud of you. And so am I Harry, I am so proud of you, fiercely proud.'_

He rubbed his face roughly with his hands as the words replayed in his mind and he tried desperately to believe that they were true.

' _I know that I'll never understand everything that you feel, but I loved Sirius too. I loved your parents and I love you. I know that I can't step into Sirius' or James' shoes, but I want to be here for you. After all, it's just us left, right? The Marauders, it's down to us.'_

'Because of you,' a single voice of self-hatred rang through Harry's mind, loud above all the others.

He fell asleep after several minutes, but even sleep failed to provide him relief;

" _Come on, you can do better than that!"_

 _The jet of light hit Sirius squarely on the chest, his eyes widened in shock and he looked over at Harry with fear and surprise before disappearing through the veil._

 _Harry let go of Neville and jumped down the steps, pulling out his wand as he ran towards the veil to pull Sirius back through._

 _He heard Bellatrix's scream of delight, but didn't understand why as he started screaming Sirius' name._

 _He felt arms grab him around the chest as he was mere feet away from the veil._

" _There's nothing you can do Harry – It's too late Harry-" Remus' voice rang out above all the others that were still casting spells, but it seemed miles away._

 _Harry struggled against him, not caring if he hurt him in the process because he couldn't understand why he wouldn't let him go help Sirius._

" _There's nothing you can do Harry… Nothing, he's gone."_

 _He fought harder to get out of Remus' hold, but the older man who was physically no match for the younger teenager, was holding onto him as if for dear life._

" _He can't come back Harry – He can't come back because he's dead-"_

 _Then suddenly everything changed; Remus had pulled Harry back over to Neville, holding his arm weakly. Kingsley hit the ground yelling in pain some distance away and when Harry saw that it had been Bellatrix that had attacked him, something inside him snapped._

 _He broke out of Remus' hold and ran after her. He chased her out of that room and through several others, not even paying any mind to his injured friends. All he cared about was getting vengeance for Sirius._

' _I'll kill her,' he had thought._

" _Come out, come out little Harry!" Bellatrix yelled, once they both stopped running._

 _They were in the Atruim and Harry was hiding behind a statue, while she aimed curses at him._

" _What did you come after me for then? I thought you were here to avenge my dear cousin! - Did you love him little baby Potter?"_

" _Crucio!" He yelled, the curse knocked Bellatrix off her feet and she screamed._

 _She looked at Harry, her eyes wide in surprise the way Sirius' had been._

" _You're so much like me Potter," a voice hissed from behind him and he turned to see Voldemort had appeared in the middle of the hall with his wand pointed straight at his chest._

" _There are strange likenesses between us, after all. Even you must have noticed-" These words hadn't been spoken then but rather at a different time, "both half-bloods, orphans, raised by muggles. Probably the only two parselmouths to come to Hogwarts-"_

" _I'm not like you!" Harry yelled before the familiar words were finished, "this isn't real! This is just a nightmare, it's just a bad memory-"_

 _Voldemort's face grew cold, and his eyes went from the dark Tom Riddle's, back to red._

" _I have nothing more to say to you Potter. You have irked me too often, for too long. Avada Kedvra!"_

 _A blinding flash of green light and a burning pain on his forehead. The last thing Harry heard was a familiar shrill laugh._

Harry screamed and bolted up in his bed, drenched in his own sweat. His eyes searched the dark room wildly, his breath coming in rapidly as tears threatened to fall down his face. Before he realized it Molly had ran into his room and had sat on the bed beside him. She touched his face gently and tried reassuring him.

"Harry dear, it's alright," she cooed, pulling him towards her in an embrace, "you're safe, you're here with us. Nothing can hurt you, no one-"

"He killed me, I felt it – The curse hit me and he laughed – Like he did when he murdered my mother."

He managed to say between shallow breaths.

Molly looked like she was on the verge of tears when she heard this, "no honey, he didn't kill you. Dumbledore saved you, and you're alive and you're safe."

She held Harry for several minutes until his breathing evened out and he laid back onto the bed. She felt his forehead and noticed that his fever had returned.

Hermione and Ron had heard their friend's scream and had ran upstairs. They now stood at the door, watching with solemn expressions, but their friend didn't notice. Molly told them to stay with him while she went and got a potion to help him sleep, without the torturous nightmares.

The two weren't shocked or surprised the way Molly seemed to be. They knew about their friends nightmares and Ron witnessed them personally when they were sleeping in the same room.

They had also known that Harry would be exceptionally upset tonight. They had found the envelope that Remus had left for him when they came inside from the garden. Ron had opened it, despite Hermione's insistence that they shouldn't.

They quickly connected the dots upon realizing that it was Sirius' Will;

"Remus' meeting with Harry must not have gone well, I thought he looked a bit upset when they left."

Ron had remained uncharacteristically calm, but Hermione had been angry.

"They're going to overwhelm him! They know that he just got out of St. Mungo's, they know he's depressed, and yet they think it's a good idea to throw this at him?! Do they ever use their heads?!"

"Wizard wills can't wait the way muggle wills can Hermione. Often times the magic takes over before everything gets sorted out. If that were to happen with Sirius' it could be dangerous for headquarters and the Order. Don't forget what family he came from."

She had paced around the sitting room nervously as if she hadn't heard, "He's in so much pain – I hate seeing him like this! We need to help him, what do we do? How can we fix this?"

"Do you still have that time turner? We could go back and save Sirius – That's all I can think of," had been his somewhat sarcastic reply, as he sat down on the couch as if to relax.

Hermione looked around anxiously, as if worried that Harry would hear and get that idea into his head.

"Ron, can you please be serious for one second?! In case you haven't noticed, your best friend's an emotional wreck!"

He sighed as she sat on the couch beside him, putting her head in her hands. She was overwhelmed with Harry's pain, as if it was her own. So was Ron, but for once he seemed to be dealing with it better.

They had always been like that; Sharing and feeling each others pain and suffering, as well as joy and happiness, anger and sorrow's. They were like Fluffy, Hagrid's three-headed dog. If one of them was hurting, the other two were too. It was an automatic and unbreakable bond that they had had for years.

He put his arm around her, "Hermione I'm sorry, it's just that there's no way to 'fix' this. Sirius is dead, we can't change that. Harry has been through Hell, we can't change that either. The only thing we can do is be there for him, just like we always have been. And I know it's hard to believe right now, but he'll be okay. I promise."

"You can't promise that! Sirius was the closest thing to a parent that Harry has ever known! He confided in him, even when he wouldn't confide in us. Now Sirius is gone, and he thinks he's alone again! He grew up alone after his parents died and he finally h-"

He interrupted her, "listen to me for a second – Harry may not see it, but Sirius wasn't the only one he had. He was a big part of his life, but it was for such a short time."

"That wasn't his choice! Sirius would have been there if he could have been."

"This isn't about whether or not he chose to be away from Harry. Point is that he was, and when he returned and Harry found out that his parents meant him to be raised by Sirius that meant everything to him. He has forgotten something very important, we were in his life first – From memory anyway."

"I don't understand where you're going with this Ronald," Hermione said, perplexed and annoyed.

"What I'm trying to say – and I'm doing a bad job – is that we were here for Harry before Sirius came back into his life and we'll be here for him now that he's gone. He isn't alone, we're his family and we just need to remind him of that. Sirius being gone doesn't mean that he has nobody. We are still here."

She sighed and leaned against him on the couch, "you're right, but how can we make Harry see that?"

That was when the screaming had started, and they had looked at each other with worried expressions before practically flying up the stairs. Now they stood just feet away from their friends bed, watching him as if they were waiting for him to say something or even acknowledge their presence in his room.

Harry laid in the bed quietly, feeling cold despite his high temperature. He felt like his scar was burning and all he could visualize in his mind was Sirius' death and Voldemort murdering him in his nightmare. He silently wished that both of those things hadn't been real. He was so wrapped up in the terror of his nightmare that he didn't even realize that his friends were there.

Eventually Molly came back, carrying a thin blanket and a purple potion, which he drank eagerly as he knew what it was and was desperate for the effects. He fell asleep within a couple minutes, without saying anything to any of them.

Ron slept in Harry's room, on the second bed that hadn't been removed. He did this on his own, without anyone's prompting.

The dreamless sleep potion wore off at some point in the night, and so started the familiar sounds of his friend having nightmares in the bed next to him. He felt helpless because he couldn't do anything, but be there for him when he woke up in the morning.

When Harry woke up he was surprised to find Ron sleeping in the bed beside him, having almost forgotten that there was a second bed there at all. It had been pushed against the wall and had been covered with discarded pranks. These pranks now cluttered the floor, and he groaned as he sat up;

"Ron, are you awake?"

"Uh huh," his friend replied lazily.

"What are you doing in my room?"

"After what happened last night I thought you could use some company," Ron sat up and stretched.

"You heard about the meeting with Remus?" Harry didn't remember much about the night before, except the meeting and his horrific nightmares.

He had been completely ignorant to his friends coming into his room. He barely remembered Molly coming in either, as he had been so distraught and tired.

"You woke up from a nightmare screaming, but mom calmed you down and gave you a potion to help you sleep. I decided to join you to make sure you were alright, especially once the potion wore off. You seem better when you wake up with someone beside you."

He stopped talking upon seeing his friends embarrassed expression, "it's okay mate, everybody understands why you're having nightmares and it's comple-"

"Did I tell you guys what it was about?" Harry asked in a firm voice, interrupting his friend.

"Harry, nobody thinks badly of you," Ron knew where his mind was going, "you just said that he had killed you. You said that-"

He watched as his friend put his head in his hands, shaking slightly. He didn't know if it was from anger or embarrassment, but he moved to the other bed to sit beside him and reassure him.

"You've had nightmares for years mate, I've listened to them and so have Neville, Dean and Seamus. We have never thought anything less of you because we know you've been through Hell. Ginny had nightmares too after what Tom Riddle did to her. It's a normal-"

He got up angrily, "don't tell me what I already know! I know I have had these type of nightmares for years, but I can't afford them! I can't afford to fall apart and be royally messed up! I have to handle it differently – I have to handle it better, and be in control."

"Harry, you have been through terrible things. It's not just normal, but healthy," Ron told him, "It means your brains trying to cope with what happened by now letting you suppress it – Something like that anyway. That's what the psychological healer told mom and dad after what happened to Ginny-"

"I'm not an eleven year old girl Ron!" Harry yelled, getting even more agitated, "what happened to Ginny and what happened to me are completely different! I need to deal with it properly and not break down! That's what they want – what he wants!" He stopped, trying his best to keep himself calm.

Ron sighed and looked towards the bedroom door, praying that his sister wasn't awake to hear the comment that their friend had made. He tried thinking of a way to get through to Harry, who was now leaning against the dresser looking at it intently as if admiring the wood.

"If Neville or me had nightmares about what happened at the Department of Mysteries, would you think we were 'royally messed up? Or 'unable to deal with it properly' and 'control ourselves?'"

"Of course not, that would be entirely different."

"Tell me, how's it any different?" Ron got off the bed and walked over, leaning his back against the dresser so he was facing his friend.

Harry thought about how to respond to the question without opening up about his feelings. He felt like he had already opened up too much with Remus yesterday. And his logic behind his words and emotions was something that he wasn't yet ready to share with anyone, even his closest friend.

He stumbled around his thoughts and over his words before saying; "Just because it is."

"Just because it is?" He repeated Harry's words back to him, "does that sound like an answer to you mate?"

He looked annoyed and angrily walked over to his trunk without replying.

Ron watched Harry, proud of himself for how he was taking care of the situation. He wanted to know what Harry's logic was behind these beliefs, but he knew pushing him wasn't the answer. So, he stayed in his spot, leaning against the dresser while his friend rummaged around his trunk for a clean shirt.

Hermione had always told him that he had the emotional range of a teaspoon, as he had always been easy to anger. And yet, he had always had extra patience for Harry who was obviously struggling.

They weren't brothers, but they may as well be; Ron had been the first true friend Harry had made in his life. They had always been there for each other, often taking each others sides even when they didn't know whether the other was right or wrong. They stuck up for each other, without listening or thinking. They followed each other into trouble, without worrying about the consequences and always were there to get the other out of trouble, or to stay together during it. Lately Ron had felt this over protectiveness over his friend, having struggled with his own feelings over what had happened to him.

Harry had put on a clean shirt from his trunk, before grabbing his Firebolt and leaving the room. He knew that his friend was right behind him and that at least for now, their conversation about his nightmares was over. One of the great things about Ron was that he knew when to leave him alone with his thoughts, and when to drop a subject even if for just a while.

They made it halfway down the stairs before they stopped, realizing that there were people in the kitchen;

Moody, Professor McGonagall, Molly and Remus were sitting around the table. Molly drinking tea, while the others drank what the boys thought was Butterbeer.

"You didn't see him last night!" They heard Molly hissing, "he woke up shaking and scared – He's barely sixteen years old and he has been through an overwhelming amount of trauma! We can't change that, but what about the aftermath? He needs psychological and emotional support, and love-"

"He has love Molly!" Remus said, "I know there hasn't been much support, but we tried taking him to St. Mungo's to get him help and look what happened! I can't blame him for being apprehensive now."

"Niether can I, but Albus should have had him seeing a psychological healer since before he even came to Hogwarts. He shouldn't have been completely taken out of our world like that, look at all the dama-"

"Molly, Albus took Harry out of our world for a reason," Moody's voice was strained, as if having difficulty defending the headmaster.

"A stupid reason!" There was a clatter, as she put down her mug roughly.

"Protecting him isn't a stupid reason Molly. The charm on the house has protected him, and it will keep-"

"Do you really think it protected him? He grew up unloved and hated by his only family. Yes, you-know-who didn't get his hands on him, but look at all the damage that those muggles caused!"

Harry and Ron looked at each other, before sitting down on the stairs to eavesdrop. They were just out of sight from the adults in the kitchen and were very interested in hearing the rest of the conversation.


End file.
